Aggression advice please!

[Shhh123]

Hello everyone,
I am mum to two beautiful boys :)
My youngest is 5 and is ASD diagnosed alongside global development delay and sensory processing disorder. To say we have had some challenges would be putting it kindly.
We are struggling so much with his anger and spitefulness at present. He is such a sweet and loving boy, however the last couple of months it is as if he spends every day being angry like hulk angry. He sees red on the most minor thing which I know can be difficult for an autistic child but we just do not know how to help him through it. We have tried timeouts as this always helped previously. He have tried offering him a hug when feeling angry, listening to him and waiting patiently to calm also. Going down to his level and trying to calm him and then we have tried ignoring the behaviour and redirecting his attention elsewhere. When you lower yourself, he gets angrier and you in the firing line and I can’t count how many time this week alone me I have become the target of his aggression. It makes me so upset that this is something he struggles with. He was non verbal until 4 and can communicate with us now his needs using words so there’s no barrier there, but it’s as if it’s like a switch goes and bam he gets incredibly angry. I love him with all my heart and it upsets me so much to think that nothing we are trying will help. My doctor said it’s a phase but gave me no further advice except‘ he will grow out of this.’ I still believe that him using violence is not acceptable and I still feel he needs to know and understand that this is not the way to get what he wants. He’s also a big 5 year old, he wear size 7 clothes so he is strong and I’m worried this behaviour will continue as he grows and then I will be faced with more issues later on. Does anyone have any advice for me please? Am very desperate to help my little man express himself in the right way.

:) x

Sounds as though your GP doesn't know much about sensory processing or autistic overwhelm.

You need to understand what's causing him to 'explode' like that, all behaviour is communication and right now he's telling you he's overwhelmed. If you can find out what is triggering his 'explosions' then eliminate or reduce those, you'll all be a lot happier.
Here are a few resources for you, hope they help.

www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf?

drrossgreene.com/the-explosive-child.htm

livesinthebalance.org/

What BlankTimes said. It might also help to start with helping him identify emotions - often kids don’t understand what ‘angry’ or ‘happy’ mean. There’s an usborne book called ‘all about feelings’ and some Molly Potter books that can be useful.

Thank you so much for your replies. I’ll take a look at the link you added and I’ll get researching the book.
It’s so difficult as he seems to go in stages of this aggression and it’s so hard to pinpoint what’s causing the rages. I’ll try and be more observant and look for any possible triggers as I know one is when he hears the word no, even following an explanation why I have said no. (Oven is hot, be careful) as an example.

X

Agree with pp on the suggestions you've had so far, also do as much as you can to identify and avoid the triggers. I learned to avoid using the word "no" altogether as it was such a trigger. I used routines and planning so that DS knew what what was going to happen. A lot of children with ASCs have difficulties and delays in processing spoken instructions.

Some more suggestions - bearing in mind that children are all different and sometimes nothing works(!)

• Visual lists and sequences can be very good so DS knew what to do in what order - even a list of pcitures stuck in a row with velcro that DS could pick off one by one as he does what's needed
• Positive instructions "go and stand by the sink" rather than "don't touch the oven"
• Countdowns "three more jumps in the puddle and then walk on - three - two - one - and walk, good boy!"
• "Count-to-three and consequence" A clear concrete instuction, and a clear consequence, and by the time I had told him both and counted slowly to three DS had enough processing time to decide to do what was necessary.
• WHEN-THEN instructions - "WHEN you have put your shoes on THEN we can go to the park"
• Using a very calm neutral voice, DS got triggered if I used a slightly angry or raised voice
• Turning my back to give instructions or talk seriously to DS (I knew he was listening because the fidgeting would stop and I knew when he had stopped listening because he would say something random
• Giving an instruction twice - Say DS name, give instruction, count to 10 silently in my head, then repeat the instriuction with fewer words

Your son may not be able to take in explanations when he is in the moment (which is when many other children learn best!) . Instead Google "Social stories" and make up a social story that starts "the oven is very hot" and finishes "if I always play on the far side if the table I will be safe and Mum will be happy" and go through it at some calm time. It is recommended to write Social stories down and illustrate them but I found that planning a social story and just using the same structure just to talk to DS worked quite well.

Good luck!

Also - children with ASCs can be very very concrete and may need very accurate concrete instructions. So you might need to say "SOMETIMES the oven is very hot" or "the oven CAN get very hot". "Be careful" might not be a meaningful instruction to a child with an ASC, and vagueness can actually cause anxiety and meltdowns if he doesn't know exactly how to be careful(!)

Instructions need to be few but concrete - go here, do this, stand that far away.

And here's a good link for Social Stories

Does DS have any SALT, OT or emotional literacy support? Do school use Zones of Regulation?

These all have some great tips for me, thank you! This is why I love forums like these.

Yes at the moment we have to try and calmly talk him down and avoid being in the way of his hits. I think I underestimate him sometimes as we watched a programme yesterday and one character hit another and he turned to me and said, ‘that’s bad, he shouldn’t hit, it hurts’
It was a moment where I realised that he completely understands but yet completely sees red and has no control on these outbursts. He attends a specialist school who are fabulous with him…..he did admit this week that a boy kicks him and hits. Which is where I assume he may have picked up the behaviour also. After speaking to his teacher she said she has not noticed but will continue to monitor them all.