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SN children

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Original poster

am I being over-sensitive?

21 replies

fio2 · 15/11/2004 09:24

my daughters school nurse just rang and asked me if my son had been reffered to speech therapy. She thinks I should see my HV and get him reffered as she is concerned because siblings of non-verbal children have problems with speech.

i am really really annoyed that she should question my judgement. I have a special needs child ffs, I am not arsed whether ds needs speech therapy or not, but why does she not credit me with the common sense I have been given.

I am really upset about this, she is so patronising. i rang his nursery and they arent at all concerned. they said he lacks confidence but his confidence is coming at nursery and he does talk well, he is a little bit behind in his speech but nothing to worry about.

well i have rang HV now, to get reffered to speech therapy to get everyone off my back. is it normal for a school nurse who has nothing to do with the welfare of my son to interfere like this? or am I being too oversensitive? I feel so upset about it! my old HV was lovely and supported me, but here I just feel like I am totally patronised

OP posts:

misdee · 15/11/2004 09:27

has thw school nurse ever seen your son? if the nursery arent concerned then i wouldnt be. by the time the appt comes thro for SALT he may not need it.

Original poster

fio2 · 15/11/2004 09:29

she saw him for about 20minutes once and he hardly said anything.

The only thing nursery said is he doesnt seem to talk to the other children much, which I suppose could be from not 'talking' to dd much, ie. she doesnt answer back, but he doesnt talk to her (tell her what to do)

maybe he does have problems. I said I was concerned about his pronuciation but not his language development because he knows loads of stuff. but maybe I just dont know anything about normal development

OP posts:

misdee · 15/11/2004 09:30

how old is he?

i never spoke to anyone outside the family when i was young. terribly shy i was.

JJ · 15/11/2004 09:31

No, you're not being oversensitive, she's being a dip. It sounds like she read somewhere that 'siblings of non-verbal children have problems with speech' and cut and pasted it onto your son. I'm guessing anything less than advanced speech and perfect pronunciation would cause her to say he should be referred.

People like that, ime, don't understand the need for critical thinking, much less have the ability to think things through for themselves.

Good luck with her. If you don't want to do speech therapy and the people that know him (esp you) don't think he needs it, then don't do it.

JJ · 15/11/2004 09:34

Oops, sorry that sounded so harsh. I had some similar problems with a clueless hv (her attitude and cluelessness, not my son's speech) when my youngest was a baby, so am taking it out on her! f

Original poster

fio2 · 15/11/2004 09:35

he has just turned 3 misdee. i have actually asked for him to be reffered now. I am really annoyed with this school nurse though, her comments were disgusting when she visited. She said people just leave children like my dd in nappies and 'forget about them' As if families would 'just forget about it' she hasnt a clue. She started taking the mick out of the incontinence products too, saying my daughter doesnt need them...uurrggh

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coppertop · 15/11/2004 09:38

It seems odd to me that a school nurse would phone a parent at home to give an unsolicited opinion on a child they'd only seen for 20 minutes and who doesn't even go to school.

Ds1's school nurse is lovely. She even attended his transition meetings before he even started at the school. She's also seen ds2 quite a few times but has never tried to give advice about him, despite there definitely being something a bit 'different' about him. Usually if someone wants to let me know that ds2 might have a problem they tend to either say casually "And how is doing?" or subtly ask " seems to really like things that spin, doesn't he?" This gives me the opportunity to either answer politely and change the subject or to discuss any concerns I might have about ds2.

A phone call out of the blue is not good practice IMHO.

Davros · 15/11/2004 09:41

Whatever you decide to do, don't include her and don't tell her, its none of her beeswax. Silly moo. I would smile and ignore her or be vague.

Original poster

fio2 · 15/11/2004 09:43

she visited weeks ago aswell

I really do clash with her big time. I cant even 'try' to be nice to her and I am incredibly rude, which is not like me at all maybe she just wants to get at me because I am nasty to her i am seriously thinking about making a complaint about her, but then i would be a mother 'in denial' then....

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Original poster

fio2 · 15/11/2004 09:45

to answer my own question...yes i do think i am being oversensitive you would think it would be water off a ducks back by now

coppertop how is ds2 btw? is he having speech therapy?

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coppertop · 15/11/2004 09:47

If you're happy and ds's nursery is happy then ignore her. I'd be interested to know whether she does this to all parents from the school who have other children. You could be sneaky and phone the school to ask them if this is their usual policy.

coppertop · 15/11/2004 09:51

I got a letter from the CDC to say that they would be sending ds2 an appointment "in due course" whatever that means! He can say a few words but doesn't really use them - except at the weekend when a woman was taking forever to pay for her shopping. When she'd finally finished a little voice piped up "Hip hip hurray! Hip hip hurray!"

Original poster

fio2 · 15/11/2004 09:53

LOL

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fairyfly · 15/11/2004 09:56

I was annoyed when my school nurse rang last year and said my son was behind. She asked if i had books at home, which sent me wild. His father had just left and he was a nervous wreck. They drive you insane dont they. I would ignore it and actually ask people who spend more than ten minutes with your son once in a blue moon, Incedently all theu managed to achieve was stress and paranioa and my son has caught up now anyway. Take deep breaths and don't take it personally she is just following a procedure.

heartinthecountry · 15/11/2004 10:05

Fio2 - you are not being oversensitive - it would piss me off.

She sounds to me like the kind of health professional who doesn't credit any parent with having any kind of common sense or knowledge about health matters - no matter that it is usually the parent who is the expert on these things, esp if they have a child with SN because they damn well have to be.

I think what she has failed to take into account is that when you have a child with quite complex difficulties, then a child who is maybe just a little bit delayed in their speech really doesn't seem an issue (I am guessing). Its not that you don't care - it's just that you know he will get there, and if he is slightly later at talking than some other kids, then so what? It doesn't mean you are not aware of it, It's just not an issue for you.

She isn't crediting you with either the intelligence to be aware of any slight delay, or the common sense to know whether it is a problem or not.

so yes, it would piss me off too.

Original poster

fio2 · 15/11/2004 10:31

Thanks FF and HITC.

HITC you are right, i am not bothered about it because it seems insignificant, but then I think maybe I am doing him an injustice by not being vigilasnt enough iykwim

This is a kid who was telling me where some of his internal organs were last week. he is my baby and maybe I do treat him too babyish?

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lou33 · 15/11/2004 13:56

Fio, I would have been v angry at her audacity, and complained to the school. Not being over sensitive at all imo.

Ds1 was referred to st through the school, and I knew he didn't need it, but seing as we got an appt to review dd2 and assess him at the same time, I took him along. As I predicted he is fine, and has been discharged, but I remember being slightly annoyed as well, because this teacher is one who likes to talk over you and not listen. I just wish they would treat us lke we actually know what we are talking about wrt our own children sometimes.

Davros · 15/11/2004 14:17

fio, basically she has upset you because she has made you question some things you were comfortable and not worried about. Therefore you SHOULD be upset! iyswim

dottee · 15/11/2004 14:30

Hi fio2.

Not got time to read the thread but have just read the your post.

This happened with us years ago. As you may know DD is non verbal and following (younger) ds's pre-school assessment I got told he was delayed by HV and assessment staff. As I was already in contact with dd's SALT, I mentioned it to her and she told be not to worry.

She was right. He's fine now and doing really well at school.

And you are not being oversensitive at all!

Original poster

fio2 · 15/11/2004 17:03

thanks evryone for your support and input. i dont mind if you do disagree with me sometimes you know

dottee and lou it is nice to hear from other people this has happened too. Dottee is your dd still non-verbal? how old is she now? dd does communicate well and seems to have a good understanding is what is asked of her, but she is just taking longer to speak, wonder if she ever will properly. We are getting quite alot of doing words, like off and on etc. and she seems to be progressing ok.

Maybe i am being naive but i would have thought when you train as a learning disabilities nurse it is not your job to make your patients carers paranoid?I havent even mentioned this to dh yet as i know he will hit the roof with her interfering wiuth something that has nothing to do with her. I have spoke to the HV today and she said she will assess him but he sounds well within normal limits and it may just be pronunciation rather than development. i have checked these aful () development charts on-line and he seems to be doing well and is doing alot of the advanced stuff, so maybe its just that he isnt clear. Poor lamb, he is already being classed as 'different' because of his sister, wish they wouldnt do that

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Original poster

fio2 · 18/11/2004 10:29

for anyone who's interested My HV wants nursery to keep an eye on him till christmas and if they are worried about his pronounciation then they will refer for an assessment which takes 3 months. Nursery think they have trouble understanding him because he has such a strong accent and they cant understand me either sometimes !!! Felt like a right nerd. Anyway I made my HV aware of how angry I am with the nurse for interfering. She thought it was unprofessional too. She has made a note of the fact that she stopped my dd getting free nappies aswell and if anything happens again to tell the HV straight away and she will deal with the nurse. So we just have to wait, but as he doesnt start school until september 2006, i am not too bothered either way what happens.

She said the nurse most probably was cvoncerned that siblings of non-verbal children can interact more with adults then with children and this is why there is sometimes concern, but basically she shouldnt be worrying me with that as there is nothing I can do about it and he is going to nursery anyway so he socialises there. Am i waffling?! anyway i was just wondering whether they make "only" children's parents feel the same? because in my head tyhere is no difference. HV was very impressed that ds knows makaton well aswell actuallt my HV is really nice, I seem to have good luck with HV's!

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