Son won’t use loo at school/anywhere else

[Justheretoaskaquestion91]

Hi everyone, hoping you can help me. I’ve noticed a number of posts on here where people discuss their child not using the loo at school or in public - my son (3) doesn’t seem to have any additional needs but he has v high IQ which seems to have a lot of crossover with autistic tendencies snd one of the largest struggles is that he refuses to use the loo out of the house. He also refuses to use any loo at home except for my one. What have people managed to do to get around this? Keen to hear any solutions please. I pretended my loo was broken one day so he would use the downstairs one but he had the scariest meltdown of all time and refused so I had to give in. It’s fine for now as he only does half days at nursery but by the time he’s doing full days it will be a huge problem and tbh the way he is I don’t think he will change unless I find a method that clicks. He’s been toilet trained for 9 months or more without accidents if that helps.

Thank you

My son never used public toilets or the ones at school, he’s 9 now and has always been this way, he refuses to even enter them! Sorry haven’t managed to change it but he seems to manage ok as he doesn’t any accidents

Can you figure out why it is? It could be something really simple like he likes the toilet paper you use and doesn't want to use different or it might be an anxiety thing about being outside of the comfort of his home. I would really have a think about what possible reasons it could be and try to check each one out

@Pixiedust138

He just likes my loo at home because the walls are pink and it’s pretty. No other comments or negotiations. We are actually going to paint my loo blue and another one pink in a few months due to a house project so will be interesting to see if this changes things.

@TurnUpTurnip

Ok thank you! If it’s doable without accidents then that’s good to know (I mean I would be soooo uncomfortable but if it’s what they want…)

My DS is the same and I'm not sure how it is best to manage it. It is likely to improve with age, but my son at 11 will still not use the school toilets. He won't drink much at school to ensure he doesn't get caught short! I have found he has become slightly more flexible with age, and that once he has become familiar with a new loo, he is much more likely to use it. If we go to a new place (eg holiday) we will check out the toilets first or I will take him with me when I go.

Another thought is could it be the noise of the hand dryers? Some of them are really loud and to be honest, I find them pretty distressing. If that is the case you might find ear protection helps.

Not sure there's a solution- mine are 15 and 12 and still won't use the school loos. DS actually had stomach ache yesterday evening that only went when he drank (first time all day) and he hadn't realised it was his body telling him he needed water.

The loos aren't fab (I have used when at school concerts etc) but they aren't grossly filthy or anything.
Both would rather not drink all day.

Maybe they should go into teaching?

My son waiting for a diagnosis he will.not go for a number 2 at school says he doesn't like it