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ASD - Experiences of Intense Attachment to a Person and opinions please!

4 replies

Blossom4538 · 25/11/2021 16:49

Hi all,
I’m just desperately after experiences and opinions please.

Our Daughter is 10, Autistic, (higher functioning) with Selective Mutism and started at a Specialist School in September. We envisaged a really challenging time for her, settling in, but she settled really well, with support from lovely staff.

Her main Teaching Assistant is pregnant and going on maternity leave any day now, although no-one knows quite when, as she was hoping to work up until the end of term, however, it looks as though she may need to go sooner, even her final day possibly being tomorrow, although not sure.

The problem is that DD has become extremely, extremely attached to her (has a history of this with various staff members at pre-school/school over the years. It is very intense and she’s starting to severely struggle emotionally. School pick up has been very hard the past few days with long, intense meltdowns. She talks about her at home a lot too.

I think we’re all in for a rocky few weeks.

Yesterday, the teaching assistant very kindly offered to come and provide respite at times for us, during her maternity leave, so she can spend some time with our Daughter. Obviously, she was so pleased and this eased her anxiety a lot, although still very upset and aggressive today. The TA is due back in September
(Although may not be with DD, in same class).

My worry is what to do! Our initial reaction to maintaining a little contact was positive and of course DD was happy. But now I’m wondering if things are becoming too intense and we are all making things worse!

Once she leaves, she has other fantastic teaching assistants who likes and a great teacher. But this TA is her absolute favourite and she is going to miss her.

Would you maintain that bond and contact with respite care? Or would you try and distance a little for a while? I don’t know what to do for the best!

Just wondering on any experiences of this or advise please?

Thank you and apologies it’s a long post!

OP posts:
Mrsrosetta · 27/11/2021 08:42

I’m afraid I don’t have any advice, I’m following as I have a similar situation,

My daughter is also very attached to a ta at school, so attached that she will only do work with her, cry’s when she leaves the classroom. Is this common with children with autism? I haven’t come across it before, and school seem unsure on what to do too.

Hopefully some one comes along that has been through similar.

Blossom4538 · 29/11/2021 16:08

Sorry you’re going through this too.

Can anyone offer any advice or experienced this pls?

OP posts:
Vandelay · 29/11/2021 22:51

Our school produces a little social story type booklet, with photos of new and old teachers,, classrooms, etc., and a description of what is happening ("Mrs Lovely is leaving school to have a baby, but she will be back next year. We will miss her, but we can stay in touch by writing her a letter" etc.. )
TBH I would noit expect the TA to provide respite care after she has a baby, but I'd stay in touch, perhaps through an occasional Zoom or sending video messages or writing letters. When DS went through this, we would write to his TA and I found it was a good opportunity to teach him about how to maintain a friendship, show interest in others, and how to have a reciprocal conversation.

Blossom4538 · 30/11/2021 15:59

She offered the respite and unfortunately mentioned in front of DD! She sees it as a nice little break from baby.

BUT now I’m a little concerned it may exacerbate her intense relationship with her. At first I thought a good plan, now not so sure. The keeping in touch by other means sounds good.
Apparently school are preparing a social story but I think these also uncertainty that she could go any day and may not make it until the end of term, which of course is making DD and a couple of the kids anxious.

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