Sorry to brain dump here but I wonder if anyone with more experience could help.
I met with my DS’ year 1 teacher and SENCO today. I was the driver behind the meeting, I’ve had virtually no feedback about DS from school other than a couple of comments during parents’ evenings. This all came about from DS telling me about the reward system used and it went from there.
Hes a sociable child, he’s got 2-3 very close friends who he sticks to a lot, but also friendly/sociable with children in his groups. He plays well on the playground, although sometimes copies others’ bad behaviour.
His problem behaviour in school is:
- defiance/indifference to whole class instructions such as get your coats on, wash hands and sit on the mat. He either says no/answers back, or it seems as if he hasn’t heard/he’ll wander off. Like it doesn’t apply to him.
- Disruptive behaviour, it’s always low level, no aggression. Things like shouting out a silly word/sentence when it’s all quiet, or when the class is reciting things together on the mat, he’ll say something silly/different instead. When asked to stop he does, or will if the teacher has to do a countdown of 3, but he isn’t learning as it’ll happen again and again.
When asked to do tasks etc at the table/in groups, he’s ok and will usually do them with little fuss/when asked first time. The teacher said he gets tasks done quickly so he can then go and do something else.
When faced with a consequence, such as having his name out on the dark cloud or a call to the headteacher, he gets panicky saying “no no no” and does whatever he’s been asked. So he’s clearly aware of the consequences and doesn’t want them to happen. But with this kind of thing, it’s never first time he’s asked so it’s as if he’s not learning.
I very much got the impression that his teacher is really exasperated as he isn’t compliant.
I voiced my frustration that without hearing anything, I assume everything is fine, so asked for a signal as to whether he’s had a good or bad day overall so I can follow up at home.
Any thoughts? I honestly don’t know what to think. He just doesn’t seem to tick all of the boxes for anything.
To avoid drip feeding he displayed similar defiant behaviour almost 3 years ago in nursery, when he was 3-3.5. I pursued this with the health visitor and because of other things there, such as he always played alone, they referred him to a community paediatrician. I had to complete a CARS form for this, and the SENCO did when he was in the school nursery class, age 3, nearly 4. The SENCO didn’t have any concerns at the time.
We had the appointment with the paediatrician in a year ago, when DS was 4, nearly 5. I didn’t have half as many concerns at that point because school hadn’t flagged anything. They still wouldn’t have flagged much to be honest, other than the “shouting silly things out”, which was raised at parents’ evening.
I don’t know how much to pursue this further again with any kind of referral (I wish I’d had all this info a year ago when we met with the Paed, I would’ve insisted on another meeting and follow up!).
I used to suspect has ASD but he doesn’t seem to tick enough of the boxes - no special interests, rigidity about routines, things like that. He’s always very compliant in a smaller setting such as swimming lessons, at the dentist, hairdresser etc. He has always been very easy in that sense and he was also fine at private nursery. He is definitely an anxious, shy boy under the loud bravado, and in the past he’s always been drawn to “naughty” kids. He still is and one of his closest friends at school is what I would describe as spirited, very confident and streetwise. I know they have to be separated otherwise it’s too disruptive.