12 yr old son with ADHD & very inappropriate talk

[Glen9]

My son is 12 and has ADHD. The past year he has been swearing all the time in conversation and making very rude inappropriate comments towards me. I find this very uncomfortable and struggling to know what to do about it. The way he speaks is very rude and vulgar and he thinks nothing wrong in doing this. No matter how many times you tell him to stop he will do it again. Afterwards he will say sorry. He's very immature for his age and repeats everything he hears and sees which I also finds bit strange. Is this a symptom of ADHD or is this a symptom of something else? He never learns from his mistakes and doesn't seem to realise things are wrong. He has practically no friends at school and most kids seem to find him irritating or weird.

He never learns from his mistakes and doesn't seem to realise things are wrong.

Even if he does realise things are wrong, his impulses get the better of him - he just does not think before he speaks or acts! DH is in his 60s with ADHD and still doesn't!

I honestly worry about his future. He can barely concentrate long enough to do anything. I dont even think he will be able to sit exams so I worry he will leave school with no qualifications. He swears at school and says inappropriate comments, he seeks to think this is hilarious and acts like the class clown. He refuses to take medication for it and refuses to talk about the fact he has ADHD and doesn't accept it.

If you have a proper diagnosis from somewhere, like the NHS, then he should be able to have in exams (if needed, as is likely)

1. Extra time
2. Movement breaks
3. A room on his own - so he is not distracted by the noise of others

There is no doubt that the long term prognosis for some people with ADHD is not great. However, DH learnt many strategies to cope with his ADHD; he went to university and is successful in a professional career. However, he does still blurt out whatever goes through his mind, without any filters; and talks over people. DD has ADD and with numerous reasonable adjustments at university, got a first and holds down a job (although she does take methylphenidate to do so).

That's great to hear. I think until he accepts and realises he's going to need medication to function things are not going to improve. Unfortunately we can't force him to take medication but I just hopes as he gets older he comes to this realisation himself. Until then he sadly isn't going to achieve very much in the meantime which breaks my heart for him and us as parents. School is just one big joke to him. He basically needs to have a chaperone in Home economics at school as he dropped a tray of hot food and it splattered everywhere as he was in a daydream. PE have also said if he can't control himself and listen on the trampolines he will be put out. He gets so over excited and hyper, then it takes a long time to calm back down again. Is there any more good stories of children who had bad adhd as a child but improved as they grew older? He's in puberty just now so that and adhd I'm guessing is not a good mix.

Oh OP, that sounds really tough. Do you have any adults he respects or trusts who could broach the issue of meds? The impulse control issues are somewhat less extreme for my child, but meds have definitely been a total game-changer. There's no point in focusing on the language etc - I doubt he has much control over it. I'd focus instead on trying somehow to get him engaged in his own condition and turning things around, if you poss can. not easy

He tried one medication months ago , he was taking medikinet and it made no difference at all to his behaviour etc. Was only taking it for 4 or 5 weeks. He moved up from 10mg to 20mg then he got really dizzy and point blank refused anything since then. He has refused to go to the camhs clinic and wont speak to anyone there. I feel like we have nowhere to go with this until he realises he needs medication. It's so sad as I feel like it's destroying his life and any academic potential he had is now completely wasted. Is bad swearing something common in ADHD children/teenagers? Sometimes I find it hard to know when he genuinely can't help something or whether he is just doing something on purpose. He is very defiant and inappropriate. He literally tells you about everything the kids are up to at school/ outside school. No filter whatsoever. Everything is just far too much information.

Hahaha, yes re swearing, inappropriate TMI etc - my child is 10, heart of gold, kind and gentle and knows right from wrong, but def finds it hard not to repeat rude stuff he's heard (not aggressively, just a bit compulsive).

I think meds are a lot for them to get their heads round - did he understand that he was just trying it out, and that side effects can go away, etc? That there are other meds he can also try? Have you actually sat him down and explained.that it's just not sustainable for his future if he doesn't.try again and engage? And would.it be remotely.affordable for you to go private, to try and come at it through.some different professionals? Does he have good SEN support at school that you could leverage to help persuade him to understand he needs better help, and to re-engage?

Just some thoughts. You sound understandably exhausted, bless you - it's a lot to cope with...

Sorry, I should add, my DS wouldn't swear at school in lessons as you describe - but sounds like your DS's impulsivity issues are higher than we're dealing with.

My son 6 is like this at home also at school i try to ignore him but when he is physically hitting and kicking me tells me to die and he hates me so on doesn't listen to anything he is undiagnosed he's been excluded 3 times I have to pick him up from school mainly on a daily basic 1 day he was their mot even half hour before I had to pick him up. X stay strong your not alone

@Glen9 this post is from a while ago but I am currently in exactly the same position with my 11 year old son. Did things get any better for you x