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School attendance officer potential bully?Advice really needed

10 replies

mayaenya45 · 19/11/2021 03:49

My son 14 after some time has recently been diagnosed by a specialist with Chronic Migranes. he gets them on and off, and they are very severe, with light sensitivuty, projectile vomiting, and exhaution/drowsiness.
This has imapacted his attendance and we are now in a awful situation with the school. The school head completely refuses to beleive any of this and I have been told in meetings I need to stop allowing him to pull the wool over my eyes. (I could cry for my son in these meetings as I know he really suffers and they are just belitting him and me) The attendance officer is on another level and is very intimidating. He literally fists the door, banging and banging without even giving me chance to answer. Then when I answer, he is a complete bully.
Today is a example. I amswered and was met with him obviously very angry. He has an interest in my career, I am third year social work and he consistantly refers back to this, but today was horrendous, he was asking 'How is that working out for me' 'do I realise that he has the power to end that for me if he chooses to caution me' 'he kept asking if I have a licence or if I have a case load' but not in a friendly way. Ina very intimidating way, as though to say, if you dont do what I want, I can make life hard for you.
Then he accused me of neglect, stating again what sort of SW would I be if I neglect my own child. I asked what he meant and he said well you SAY you are doing all you can, you SAY that the specialist is dealing with this, but ARE you? Really? If your son is still suffreing that means you are not doing all you can and the medication is not working so you are not taking the steps to make sure it is.
He pulled me to bits, I was shaking afterwards, he is completely obsessed with the fact I am lying or my son is lying. So he demanded he wanted my son out of bed an in school. I was in two minds as he was so ill, but spoke to him, he said he would go in the shower, he threw up again and then went in, I felt ill with guilt .. Anyway when he arrived the head had shouted at him in front of the other pupils stating he was a liar and it was very fabricated. He said he was so embarrassed.
My question is before I put in a complaint, where do I stand legally, what should the school be doing. A few month back, he was so ill, we went to a and e and he lost feeling in his legs, the headache was crippling. So he came back and I refused to send him in that day, this really upset the AO and he again threatened my career, saying the UNI would throw me out if I didnt do as he says. Another time my son was ill I was dropping off the other kids at school/college. When I came back as I had left my son in bed, I heard a bang at the door. It was the police and the attendance officer, he had called them stating he thought I had done something to my son, the police had to go up to his bed, ask him if he was okay, they then apologised and left. I was shaking, the attendance officer stayed and was loving the power, that is only how I can describe it. I tried to complain today, but now see that they have told the head, who has just shouted at my Son. I cant win, who will beleive me over a head and a AO. I have diagnosis letters and medication etc.. but they do not care and are really punsihing him because he suffers migranes.

OP posts:
Niffler75 · 19/11/2021 09:45

@mayaenya45 I am absolutely horrified with how you and your son have been treated. This really is nothing short of bullying intimidating behaviour.
OK, take a look at the Migraine Trust website. They also have a helpline. There is a guidance document in there on supporting children with migraines in education.
Have the school seen evidence of the diagnosis from your specialist? This is a health diagnosis and school are not healthcare specialists.
If your sons migraines are significant, which it sounds like they are, they are likely covered under the Equality Act. This gives you additional protection.
Call a meeting with school. There is clear advice on putting together a healthcare plan for when your son is in school and the reasonable adjustments that school can make to support.
If your son is struggling with school attendance due to a diagnosed health condition, they need to be supportive.
Would it also be worth getting a GP letter. Staff forcing your son in to school when unwell, vomiting etc is just awful. This should not be happening.
Consider lodging a complaint. If someone came into my home speaking to me like that, I hate to say this but I'd be tempted to call the police.

mayaenya45 · 19/11/2021 13:24

OMG thanks so much, I have looked at that site bit didnt realise that info was available. Its just been horendous, and it can be hard to fight authoritive figures with worry of just making things worse. So dealing with it in the way you have said is great. Thanks again so much for your help x

OP posts:
mayaenya45 · 19/11/2021 13:38

@Niffler75 again thanks so much I have just looked through the documents and policies etc.. and I cant tell you how grateful i am. I have been seraching for informtaion like this for weeks so thanks xx

OP posts:
Niffler75 · 19/11/2021 14:20

@mayaenya45 You are so very welcome! I have a 10yo son with additional needs and am also a Parent Governor at his school.
It feels at times like a constant struggle doesn't it sadly! Back yourself up with the specialists diagnosis, seek support from your GP, even go to your Local Authority website and look for their policy on supporting kids with long term health conditions. It has to abide by the Equality Act. I would also point out stress is a trigger for migraines!
I'm so sorry you are going through this! If things get tricky, do you have any free legal advice that might be included with your home insurance etc?

Imitatingdory · 19/11/2021 19:39

As you have medical evidence I would take little notice of the threats to prosecute, referrals to children's services and scuppering to our career.

Do you have CCTV or a ring doorbell? If not I would be tempted to install one ASAP. If you could record any conversations inside your home I would do that too.

If you don't already follow up verbal conversations with emails so you have a paper trail.

When DS is unable to attend school don't be bullied into sending DS. If he isn't well enough attending school is likely to prolong each period of illness.

The LA has a statutory duty to provide education to those unable to attend school due to illness. This should begin once it is clear a pupil will miss 15 days. For ongoing conditions the days can be cumulative rather than consecutive. I don't know if this would be suitable for DS since he may not be able to do anything when off, but if it would help and the LA won't provide it you can go down the Judicial Review route.

Contacting IPSEA or SOSSEN may help.

FATEdestiny · 19/11/2021 19:47

Is your son accessing any education when he is at home? Or just lying in bed?

Schools, local authorities and parents have a legal obligation to educate under 16s. You will know this as a social worker.

mayaenya45 · 19/11/2021 22:08

I mean when he is at home he is very unwell, hence the reason for the absence which usually consists of a servere headache, buldging/bloodshot eyes, vomiting he always asks for a hot bath and takes painkillers then he goes into the most drowsy/sleepy deep state for about 4 hours . So hes not at all able to study in that time, otherwise he would be at school, obviously. He is a top performer at school and does very well, he always revises and makes sure he catches up, hes quite driven in that respect. So we wouldnt allow his education to suffer at all, its very important to him and us that he succeeds in life and gets to uni. But no when he has a migrane they are very different to having a headache and he is completely wiped out by them, there is times when they are headaches and he will go in and push through, hes just a laidback, easy going type and actually prefers to be with his friends then stuck at home

OP posts:
Niffler75 · 19/11/2021 22:21

@mayaenya45 No need to justify yourself. You know your son best. Migraines can be really incapacitating.

Lovesicecreams · 21/11/2021 08:29

@mayaenya45 I would look into whether any local disability group can offer an advocate to go to the meetings with school with you. It sounds like you could do with external support.

Has preventative medication for the migraines been fully explored by the neurologist? I presume it’s been tried but isn’t working? Can you ask Neurologist to write a letter to this effect?

I so sympathise with your son - I get migraines and they are awful

Niffler75 · 22/11/2021 22:28

How's things @mayaenya45 ?

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