School want to use ear defenders on 4yo

[NoveltyStar]

Hi All, my 4yo son was diagnosed as autistic last week. It was not a shock to us and we are happy he has been diagnosed. His symptoms were described as subtle and he is in reception in a regular school. The school said that they tried ear defenders on him today as he was overwhelmed in the lunchroom and didn’t eat as his fingers were in his ears. They want me to use them at home to get him used to them. I was a bit surprised at this as I’m not keen on giving him something to use as a “crutch” at 4. My concern is that if he likes them then he may want them all the time instead of learning to cope with situations. I would rather find a quieter end of the hall for him to eat in or at least consider other solutions. He has always eaten his lunch up to now and this is the first I’ve heard of a problem. We are new to autism so I don’t know whether I have a point or should I just go along with it?

If DS needed glasses, a hearing aid or a wheelchair would you object to using them because they are a "crutch"?

DS's sensory overload is part of his disability, using ear defenders is an acceptable way of coping.

Schools don't suggest adjustments if they aren't necessary. If part of the hall is quieter (although there may not be a quieter part, even the quietest of schools is generally noisy) that may be an additional adjustment the school could put in place.

Hi op, I wouldn't worry about the ear defenders becoming a crutch, if they work well for your son then they can be one of the best and simplest tools in your tool kit.

However I would double check with your son how he feels about trying the ear defenders, and be led by him. If he's open to trying, great, and perhaps give him them at home for 1 or 2 mins, building up to 5 mins or so. My kids usually now only wear them for specific noises eg before I switch the vacuum on I say "There's going to be a vacuum noise, anyone who wants ear defenders please grab them now!" and my DD gets them from our basket of sensory bits and pieces.

However, if your son doesn't feel comfortable with ear defenders then don't push it - and neither should the school. Schools like kids to use them because they're an easy and cheap solution often, but if your child isn't comfortable with them then request an alternative adjustment for him eg my son goes to the lunch hall a few mins before the others so he can eat first half of his lunch before it gets noisier.

I think the school are trying hard to help him with a situation he finds difficult, don't underestimate the value of that. We cut labels out of clothes to help with tactile defensiveness, why wouldn't we use ear defenders in uncomfortably loud situations? You could always set some rules around their use so he doesn't wear them all the time maybe.

Thanks all for the comments and sorry if I used the wrong words in my post. I am just learning as well so appreciate the input. We are going with the ear defenders x

Definitely worth a try. Of course the room will still be busy and that may be visually overwhelming too. When my DD (now 7) was that age she would go into lunch with everybody else but was a very slow eater, and would do most of the actual eating after the other children had gone outside to play and while the dinner staff were tidying up. That seemed to work for her and the school. Now she's OK to go in and actually eat lunch with everybody else even though they get quite a narrow window in the lunch hall now (just 20 mins) due to trying to maintain Covid bubbles.

Anyway, see how your son feels about the ear defenders. They can feel weird to start with. DD didn't like them much when she was little (I assume because of how they feel), but did get used to them and does use them now for e.g. noisy tube journeys or fireworks night. A lot of these sensitivities do get better with age just because your child grows up and their ability to process improves and their knowledge of the world improves (and I suspect our senses also somewhat dull with time).

DS is 5 and has been using ear defenders since he was 3, they've been great. They allow him to get use to environments that he would otherwise have an instant aversion to, and we've found he's increasingly happy to just keep them in the bag, they're there if he needs them and that seems to be enough 90% of the time.

School dining rooms are noisy, it's also possible that they kept the new reception kids separate for the first half term, but are now trying to integrate them with the rest of the school, so it's noisier then previously.

I had ear protectors at 4-5 because my father and brother were semiprofessional race car drivers. It made the noise at the track tolerable. It’s worth a try. I still don’t like noisy situations at 51.

Definitely use them, and don’t be afraid of making him dependent - with hyperacusis, the anxiety and distress caused by an extra sensitivity to noise actually exacerbate and compound the feelings of discomfort. So we were informed by a clinical psychologist 7 years ago during DD’s diagnostic assessments for ASC. And I would say, for DD at least, this has proved to be true - as she settled into school and became more familiar and confident with the places and routines, the less the noisy situations bothered her. Her tolerance has massively grown, and whereas when she was 4 and asking for ear defenders frequently (and I was worrying about dependence developing), at 11 she can tolerate so much more and enjoy all the things she used to hate because of the noise. Now I find that when I suggest ear defenders she almost always refuses, saying she doesn’t need them. We also have fab Happy Ears ear plugs for things like school discos and tube journeys, which she loves as they are easy to put in and take out, and much more discreet, which is her preference now. But - if she is already feeling anxious, tired or overwhelmed then her tolerance for noise drops again and she can’t manage as well. As soon as she has bounced back in her mood, she can manage again. So much is related to anxiety and feeling out of control, IMHO.

We had exactly the same with our DS 4 with a EHCP and mild autism in mainstream with support. They put ear defenders on our DS as he's easily distracted and moves around at lunchtime. We've never had a problem with loud noises before and found it weird. They have since abandoned it. Do what is right for your child. I'm always wary about creating unnecessary needs as DS can sometimes then build them into his routine e.g. he likes wearing long sleeves in summer.

I thought I'd add to this thread on the subject of ear defenders. My son (7) has not been diagnosed with asd but is suspected. I'm very pleased with to have discovered that some ear defenders helped with a tizz about burnt food!
I just got back from work and he was in a real state about the smell of the fajitas / slightly burnt. I couldn't calm him down (I'm normally better than dh at this)

Dd hit on the idea of him putting on his (new ) defenders and he just sat down and ate his supper just like that. Not happy but ok enough to sit down.

I'm pleased so wanted to share