Any one elses child like this?

[ALdc]

My DS is 4.10. ASD has been mentioned by a nursery that he attended and I just wanted to get some advice on here if possible.

I have noticed that he does not have much interest in interacting with other children. When he sees class mates he will say hello and seems pleased to see them but when we go to the park or other activities he seems to have no interest whatsoever in talking to or playing with the other kids. He is really happy just to play alone but he does play with his sister when at home. When we are out he will draw my attention to stuff he is doing and likes to have my involvement but is just not interested at all in other kids.

He walked early and toilet trained with no problems at all. He knows the alphabet, can count to a hundred and writes his name and a few other words. Though he absolutely hates writing. He did speak late - had only a few words by the age of two but does not seem to have any problems now. He can express when he is sad, happy, in pain etc and will seek comfort but if his younger sister hurts herself he will not try to comfort her but will if I hurt myself or am ill.

When we are talking generally he does not seem to have a problem making eye contact with me or members of the family and he will answer if spoken to directly by a member of the family. If however, we are in a shop and a stranger or shop assistant speaks to him it is though he doesnt hear them and I always have to prompt him to answer.

He never really learned to ride a trike, seemed to struggle with the co ordination required but he is learning to ride a bike now and is getting there slowly. He can hop, jump, skip etc, rides a scooter. He can use scissors and hold a pen though I have to correct him.

When he was younger he did used to repeat long stretches of dialogue from Thomas the Tank engine and various other programmes but doesnt do that anymore. He also doesnt seem to want to move on from the programmes that he has been watching since he was three - things like Max and Ruby, Lazy Town, Peppa Pig etc. DH seems to think he should be wanting to move on and watching more programmes aimed at older kids.

I am sorry this is so long but I just wondered if this sounded like ASD or anything else to anyone. He has struggled at nursery. Just didnt seem to enjoy it or fit it but the problems they had with him never seemed to match with what we knew of our child. Like it was a different child they were talking about. Does this sound like anyone elses child? Could it be ASD or something else? I just don t know what is normal. He is a bright, loving and happy little boy and I can t see anything wrong with him except for the problems his nursery seemed to have. I would be so grateful for any replies.

It does sound like ASD to me, sorry. But I'm not a Paed and a paed would need to diagnose so it might be worth getting on that waiting list?

ASD is a wide spectrum and the kids on it vary amssively from you-wouldn'tknow to severely disabled and needing total care for the rest of their lives. Once you have a dx (if you get one) the trick is to work out where they are on the scale. And that can vary- for example ds1 has excellent verbal skills, but absolutely no empathy whatsoever, whereas ds3 has some empathy (nopt average obv) but poor verbal skills, sensory problems, etc etc etc.

Have a look at the website for the national autistic society, its an absolute font of all info ASD related. And pelase don't worry: a dx of ASD is not a life sentence or anything like that, its simply a name for the condition the child you already have and love may have, nothing more scary than that. But it can buy a lot of provision at school etc if you are lucky.

I haven't got a child with ASD, but just wanted to send a reply. He sounds quite 'normal' (bad word, sorry) to me.
Does he like nursery? What problems are they having with him that you aren't. Could it be that they are simply managing behaviour in a different way to you?
My NT son was 7 in September and has only just graduated to CBBC from CBeebies (although he has got a younger brother who has probably held him back in this way)
I wouldn't worry too much from what you have said. Keep your eye on him, and speak to the nursery about their specific worries.
Good luck

Your ds sounds very similar to my ds with ASD in many ways but I'm not a paed either.
He's 6 now and still loves Max and Ruby, Magggie and the Ferocious Beast etc-but I'm pleased he enjoys programmes like that and not going to force him to watch Power Rangers or anything if he's happy with his 'gentle' shows- lots of friendships and interaction going on between the characters in these progs- so good influence and may benefit him.
Not even sure if Power Rangers is what 6 year old watch-just going by sock/slippers/clothes designs on boys merchandise in the shops- DS also loves Tom and Jerry(not so gentle-i know- big slapstick fan!) but is impossible to find things other than on ebay for him!

sorry keys keep sticking!

Thanks for your replies.

I don t have any problems at all with him being ASD, if he is, or any other problems he might have. I just want to know so I can help him and not ever be telling him off for things he can t help. I have read up on ASD and I know that there is a wide spectrum but I can t honestly say that I think he is. I am not wearing blinkers either. He seems different but not in a concerning way. Put it this way I would not be at all worried if his nursery had not brought it up. Not much of the symptoms of Autism that I have read really match him but then I suppose this could mean that he is high functioning - a proper definition of this phrase would be really helpful please?

He is not in nursery or school at the moment because we did not get a place at a decent one so are waiting for it to come up.

Could anyone tell me what the next step is please? Do I have to wait for him to be in school or is there anything I can do via my GP etc? His nursery were useless to be honest. All they did was whinge about him and never really offered any useful advice. How would I go about getting a diagnosis or even just seen? Where do I go first? Many thanks for any replies.

Forgot to mention this in my original post but he is absolutely terrified of getting his hair cut to the point of hysteria and also of loud noises - like power tools, drills etc, though he is improving all the time with this. He still sits up on his bed out of the way when I am hoovering or drying my hair.

Also tells me he is scared of vegetables like sweetcorn and peas but will eat brocolli, oranges, peaches etc.

Actually the more I am thinking about this and the more I am typing, the more worried I am getting about this. I did not worry about these things though. I just thought he would grow out of the hair cutting and vegetable things. I thought all kids had little quirks like this.

He is very talkative though will always draw my attention to things he finds interesting or funny.

Thanks again.

I'd see your GP and/or HV if you can and record all these things down so you don't forget them when you see them.
I was fortunate to have someone with asd experience working at ds's pre-school but wasn't aware of what steps to take either-wished I'd approached my HV much sooner.

Thanks for your replies. Have looked at the criteria for Sensory Processing Disorder and there are some matches. My DH also is very anti seeking a doctors advice as he does not want DS to be labelled. DS has come on leaps and bounds from when we first noticed any problems and I suppose we are just hoping that the rest will iron itself out as well.

Sometimes I find it difficult to understand how these problems can be so common - common enough to have a name and yet DS nursery acted as though he was beyond help and were very negative about him. He did not have a place in the primary school following the nursery so it makes me think that it was a case of him not being their problem so they didnt want to work with him or bother to get to know him properly.

It is confusing for me because whatever problems he is having are improving all the time so I can never make up my mind if there really is anything to worry about. I know he is not the same as all other kids but reading on here it seems that there is a lot like him so who is to say what is "normal"?

Can a GP refer you for further assessment?

If you're really anti labels there is another way0 it doesn't get you a dx but you can use the aperpwork with statements DLA etc, and it gives you access to therapies to. It's a holistic based system of supporting children with issues run by www.bibic.org.uk- loads of us on MN use it. they don't atatch labels as such (although most of their kids probably already have or receive them) they just look at that chiold and how they rpesent, and develop a therapy program based on that.

Might suit your DH better perhaps?

Your son sounds a lot like mine, although mine doesn't have the sensory issues. To sum my ds up, he seems to be learning his motor and emotional skills cognitively, rather than instinctively. He is very bright, good with numbers and reading (even though only 3 and 3/4), can write out all the letters of the alphabet and has a fantastic memory, but favours memorising whole stories word for word over trying to get the meaning - so he can only tell you what a story is about once he's memorised it. As a result, he's not too interested in long films, like Happy Feet (or, not in one go, at any rate), but loves Thomas the Tank Engine stories and Mr Men books. He can be rather obsessional about singing his nursery rhymes, or telling stories on his pretend television (he'd happily do this all day at home, but recognises not to do it at school), but is not completely indistractable. He is not really interested in playing with other children, but does not actively avoid them and enjoys his pre-school, and will play with his brother at home. He also has a cheeky sense of humour and seems to appreciate other children's naughty behaviour, even if only from a distance! He likes lots of adult attention.

I have no doubt that my son is further along the ASD spectrum than the majority of children, but like your son, a lot of his peculiarities are getting more subtle over time, so he is clearly learning coping techniques and/or maturing gradually - just not getting there the way most children do. I am keeping an open mind about whether to seek a diagnosis for his unusual personality and learning profile, but am currently prioritising finding out whether he has a separate connective tissue disorder or myopathy, as he is also hypotonic and very hypermobile. However, I do find it very comforting that he is already in the "system" and being kept an eye on, as the transition to primary school from pre-school is a major event for all children, but can be particularly traumatic for children who are a little bit different. If he does start to have more problems once he's at primary school, at least I've done the hard work of getting him seen by all the right people in advance, so taking things a stage further shouldn't be so daunting or traumatic.

In other words, I don't think that you have much to lose by asking for some help, now, just to get the ball rolling. At such a young age, the experts are just as happy to describe your child's difficulties as they are to actually label them as part of a specific disorder, if that's what the parents prefer - leaving it open for your child to "grow out of" his problems without ever having had a label, or for the problems to become more obvious and merit labelling in any event.

Talking to your HV or your GP should be enough to get things going.

Thanks for you replies.

Hels9 I found your post quite reassuring. I suppose that DH and I have this fear that if we actually seek help then he will be labelled immediately and it will stick with him forever but if I could just express my concerns and maybe have some sort of record of it for when/if the time comes and he needs help that would be the best thing for DS and us at this time. It is reassuring to hear a description of his problems rather than a label for them would be possible.

I think the best possible way I could describe DS is to say that he seems to be about a year behind in nearly all aspects of his development - apart from physical but just when I start to get really worried he will take a big leap forward. I have just taught him to use a mouse today and he is using it like a pro within 5 minutes.

DH still wants to leave it a couple of months and try to bring him on ourselves before he starts school and on days like this I agree but there is always a nagging doubt in my mind.

Thanks for replies again. I would really like to hear any others stories or advice. It is very reassuring to hear about other peoples DC and know that they have similar concerns. Things already seem a bit less scary.

Hi ALdc,

My DD who is 5 and has AS, she was dx in August just before she started school. Tbh had she not have had a Dx i think that things would have been alot more difficult for her. Because she has got a dx school are for more able to meet her unique needs. I have not found any negatives by getting the dreaded lable only positives. Now as others have writen should your son be given a dx its up to you who knows about is it, we even had to give permission to the pead to send a copy of her report to the school.

Getting a referal to a Development pead can take months years in some areas. They do not give out these lables willy nilly its a very long drawn out process in most cases (not ours but that another story LOL)

Tbh i think you need to stop thinking of it as a lable IYKWIM if he is on the spectrum then so what!! its part of who he is. He is still the same little boy i can assure you.

Its hard!! really hard to accept that your child just might be a bit differant. We all have dreams of what our childrens lifes will turn out like and to think that they may face extra hurdles through life is really hard to come to to terms with. But it does get easier , i actually found the not knowing far more difficult to deal with.HTH

Good luck xx

Sorry, It does sound like ASD to me and I went through exactly the same as you 'is he, no he can't be because....' - lots of the behaviours you wrote about rang true but then again it might not be (as others have said we are not specialists) or it might be the rather woolly named pervasive development disorder- not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) where they have autistic traits but not the triad of impairment. Or could be dyspraxia (if he hates writing - mine has this really badly - much worse than the Aspergers) It was my health visitor who got the ball rolling for our diagnosis. She referred DS1 to the paed. Perhaps it is worth contacting yours?? Regarding the quirky behaviour and the social side at the moment lots of 4 year olds have similar quirks or definate personalities about who they will play with and that is what is proabably making you wonder whether he is or not. However, from my experience (and yours and others may well be different), the differences magnified when the children grew older. Children are much 'older' socially now than they used to be. Classrooms are organised around group work, playgrounds are full of chatting children. The 'quirky' kid does stand out more. Mine certainly did although he was befriended and looked after. Having a diagnosis although horrible to go through, gives you and your family an explanation and later on your child and his peers an explanation.
I wouldn't worry to much about the TV thing. I thought mine was never going to stop watching CBEEBies. He's now sat in front of the Weakest Link

Good luck and best wishes.

My 10 year old (Tourette's/ADHD/aspergery traits/anxiety) loves watching Backyardigans - it's his favourite show - but then so is Top Gear . He's not particularly worried about what other people think of him so he can just enjoy what he enjoys iyswim, which I don't think is necc a bad thing.

My 8 year old was dxed with ASD when he was at nursery and tbh at the time everyone thought he was more severely impaired than ds1. However in the last couple of years he has really blossomed. He's still quirky but is much more sociable, has loads of friends who appreciate his good points and accept everything else. He flaps and grimaces and no-one at school bats an eyelid. One of the things which helped enormously was getting his chronic constipation sorted out as with hindsight that was causing most of his more severe problems. But getting a diagnosis hasn't stopped him from improving - if anything it's helped as it means he's got a statement and lots of help and understanding which has made school as ds2-friendly as it could possibly be.

Oh, and my NT 5 year old lurves Peppa Pig

ps I had to steel myself for days beforehand when I had to get ds1's hair cut or get him new shoes - he'd scream and struggle and have to be held down Now, however, we've found a hairdresser he trusts and he's been quite happy about going for the last 3 years - he's v anxious and talks non-stop throughout the whole process, but it does now happen, and I never thought it would!

Just to make you more confused... My son had a lot of similar characteristics at that age. In summary: problems with riding bike, general throwing catching, problems holding cutlery, very poor interaction with peers (but gets on fabulously with sister), obsession with Thomas the Tank until age of 7, sensitivity to bright lights, very good memory for films etc, and of course pathalogical terror of hair cutting. Verbally he has always been fantastic, and although he struggled a bit with reading, he did learn without too much trouble.

It's his writing that is the biggest problem, but at 5 we didn't know this as he could form letters etc well enough. It wasn't until KS2 when he was falling further and further behind, while at the same time clearly being bright, that we took him to an ed psych. He doesn't have ADH, but he is dyslexic and slightly dyspraxic, and also super duper clever.

I think all these things overlap to a large extent, but I think that finding out what the issues are at an early stage is really helpful. I wish we had. It enables us to understand his differences and therefore helps us to be more patient (mostly), and it has improved his confidence and self esteem enormously. (I'm not saying your DS is dyslexic, but that it is another possibility). However another possibility is that there are no issues at all. I don't think 4.10 is too old to be watching peppa pig!

Sorry to have gone on a bit...Good luck.