How did you decide whether to have another?

[Asdawindowandglass]

We have one child with a genetic condition. He is doing very well currently but he is so little we don’t know what the future will hold.

Currently considering whether to have another child. Neither of us are carriers of his syndrome. On the one hand I can’t bear the thought of my current child going through life without anyone to fight his corner if he needs it. On the other I don’t want my future child to be overshadowed by his potentially complex needs. How on earth do you decide?

I am following this because I am in a similar l situation, DC is diagnosed ASD and although nothing was picked up in genetic testing, I feel it must be genetic! Would love another child but think the same way about it as you @Asdawindowandglass
It would be great to hear how others made this decision.

I didn't know my first child was autistic when DH and I decided to have our second, but we did realise he had special needs of some kind.

Yes, autism is partly (and - in my personal opinion when it's an Asperger's type profile - largely) genetic. My second child is also autistic.

I'm not going to lie, the challenges are big.

But, DH and I are so grateful we had our second child. They play together, they each have someone in their corner (albeit two quirky corners) and our lives are all richer.

Our second child has more complex needs than our first, even though on the surface she looks more typical than her brother. Her anxiety has a huge impact on her daily behaviour.

You don't know what needs, extent of disability, personality, strengths etc your potential second child will be born with. You have to be able to look the reality squarely in the face that you can't control who your child will be. So you make your decision based on whether you want a bigger family than you have now, and if you have the resolve to nurture your bigger family whatever that looks like.

DH and I are tired, strained, up against it a lot of the time especially in these early years, but so far I still have a resounding "yes" in me about our decision to have a second child.

We chose not to have another, which was hard for me at the time, but DdS is asc with pda and I'm so glad we made that choice so we could focus on DS I know now that my mental health was not robust enough to have another while also going through being treated terribly by ms school, battling through a tribunal to get DS a special school placement, trying to hold onto my job etc. DS is wonderful but can be v impulsive and has sensory issues. I would never have been able to relax with him in the house with a baby. I am so glad that we only have DS to focus on and we ca give him the predictable quiet home environment he needs. I'm an only child too and I loved it growing up.

DS not DdS!

It’s a real difficult one. We always knew our second child was struggling but thought it was down to complications at birth. By the time autism was suggested her sibling had been born. Her younger sibling has much more complex needs and is also autistic but on the severe end of the spectrum. I’m not going to lie it’s very very hard. I adore the youngest but life would’ve been just about manageable if we’d only had two children as the middle is autistic and has high needs but I’m close to breaking most days now.