Feeling like I can’t take any more

[Blossom4538]

I feel like I can’t do this anymore. We can barely go out and when we do, the meltdowns are so extreme and violent, witnessed by others we know who get concerned and I am sick of my child swearing at me. I feel like I want to just go away or not continue any longer.

All the help and services in the world, can’t help us. Medication, can’t help enough. I don’t know what to do. I hate our lives and I hate how things are so hard for my child and that they can’t do half the fun things other do. I hate the aggression and the ongoing exhaustion, the cycle of thinking we are doing our absolute best as parents to feeling like useless parents. They state of our new house which we have no time to renovate.

It’s all too much, too much has happened, including bereavements.
I can’t continue like this

Have you had social care assessments? Carer's assessments for you and DH and an assessment by the disabled children's team for DD.

Have you had counselling for yourself?

Does DD have an EHCP?

What medication have you tried?

I never post but didn’t want to pass this by without responding. Parenting especially with additional needs can be unbelievably hard and exhausting, and you’ve been doing this while also going through other major stresses - bereavement, moving house, the pandemic. (And presumably all those things will have had an impact on your child and their behavior and it may take them time to work that through even with the best strategies in the world). I am sure you are doing your absolute best as parents. Everyone gets overwhelmed at times. But it’s hard for people with neurotypical kids to understand just how demanding it is, I think. (I have found talking to friends in similar positions and listening to other people’s experiences helpful - like podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/pda-neurodivergence-the-perpetually-determined-advocate/id1567800581?i=1000535889090) Practically: ImitatingDory makes good points. Is there anyone at all who could help so you could get a little time to yourself? You don’t say much about your child’s age or your circumstances but for example could you afford paid childcare sometimes? (Hard to find someone suitable I know but not impossible). Can you buy takeaways so less housework? I also find that reading about the experience of autistic people and how they feel in the world helps to remind me that the aggression is not personal. Please take care of yourself. It can feel very lonely but you are not alone.

Thanks so much for your replies.
@Imitatingdory, no, we haven’t. What is this? I think we were referred but then went under camhs so nothing happened? We have no social worker involvement.
It was a while back when respite care was mentioned - people coming to take DD out for a few hours etc, but DD won’t go with them. This was when she was out of school and now, thankfully, she is back and actually doing quite well at a new school, after a very challenging few years at her previous school.

Dd is on low dose fluoxetine and melatonin

@Overtiredoften
Thanks so much for your lovely message. I’ll have a look at the links.
I just feel as though when there have been tough times, we sometimes struggle but get through it. At the moment, I feel totally overwhelmed, as does my H. We are exhausted and feeling useless.
I’m finding it hard to be a stable parent. I’ll have a few days where I’m so calm and supportive and we feel so close and then, I’ll feel sad/tired and just blow up! Not good at all for DD. H is the same at the moment too.

Everything is so intense with our DD and she struggles to be around people outside or in public. The meltdowns are explosive and she’s too strong now. I feel so useless.

They are assessments by social care that can lead to additional help for you and DD. It could include respite, but that could start with someone in your home and give you time to go out or be elsewhere in the house. It is never easy when you start but worth persevering with.

If DD has an EHCP there is additional support you can receive via that. At the extreme end there's waking day curriculum or residential provision, but even with day schools there is usually more than can be done. Does DD receive SALT, OT and MH therapies?

There are other medications you can try if fluoxetine doesn't work.

Have you and DH spoken to the GP about how you feel?