Do we have ADHD? Struggling with what to think and feel.

[HavewegotADHD]

My DD who is 4.5 has been struggling with potty training. She trained fine initially between 2 and 2.5 but has struggled since she was 3. I think because the expectations changed from me sitting her on the potty regularly, to expecting her to know when to go and to take herself there. I remind her and we have "toilet time" after meals, which helps when she's at home or with me and DH. It's become a bit of an issue at nursery and now school as we're not there to help. She can do it, but finds it hard to remember if she's very involved in her play, or whatever she is doing, and it is worse if she is tired.

She's a bright little girl and is doing okay in other areas, she's really coming along with reading and writing and is so chatty and interested in everything but is a bit of a daydreamer in general.

Her nursery (school nursery) mentioned some issues with listening, and at home she finds it hard to tune in to what you're saying if she's busy with something, is daydreaming, or particularly if the TV is on.

Instructions with several parts to them are very difficult for her. She also interrupts and can be quite impulsive. I don't feel like she has much awareness of danger and it's something we are teaching her gradually. She can be quite forgetful and is often the child that comes out of school without her book bag, jumper or letter. She hardly sits still, has ants in her pants at the dinner table and loves to run and jump, but can sit for an activity she chooses. She likes drawing, writing and making things.

At parents evening a few weeks ago when we raised the toileting issue her teacher suggested we have the SENCO observe her, and see what advice they have.

Since then I've been looking on the internet and wondering about ADHD, but also part of me thinks, the symptoms are also just fairly normal 4 year old behaviour too? I'm not sure if I'm overthinking things?

Looking at the symptoms I also recognise myself in many of them. I have a good education and an okay job, but have suffered from depression and have sort of underachieved as an adult compared to what was expected of me.

I drove my mother crazy as a child/teen with fidgeting, clumsyness, forgetfulness, lack or organisation and poor emotional regulation. As an adult I'm better and have worked out some routines and strategies but I've often felt a bit different somehow and some things that other people find easy have taken me a lot of work.

I've referred myself to the GP and I am going to email her teacher after half term about getting the sendco to observe her but I'm struggling with how I feel about it.

Am I going crazy to even think about it and rely on Dr Google and all people find some of these things a bit difficult, or is there something in it? What does it mean if there is?

Part of me thinks maybe I want a diagnosis and an excuse for why I am the way I am, or equally for her, as is her not being completely potty trained at 4 my fault and a result of my bad parenting? Would some sort of diagnosis absolve me of that guilt? I'm not sure if getting her assessed would be for her benefit, or if I've got some poor motives there.

Are you me? I can relate so much to this.

What was the outcome to this? I am in a similar position, minus the accidents at school. My DD is 4.5 and I was told at her parents evening that she is very chatty and not very good at listening. I have had concerns that she may have ADHD for a while and I also think I have undiagnosed ADHD but gp has been useless for me. Wondering what to do about DD. Can relate to how you feel about motives to seek assessment.

She's now nearly six. Still having accidents at school and at home. School have referred her for an ADHD and ASD assessment, which we are still waiting for. I need to chase it up again actually. The school have told us not to go private as they wouldn't necessarily accept a private diagnosis.

We've seen a specialist incontinence nurse. They have been great and we have more strategies in place that are helping and school have been supportive. She has a watch that vibrates when she's supposed to drink and go to the toilet. Her teacher reminds her to drink and to go to the loo as well as she either doesn't notice or ignores the watch. We have more issues if there's a supply teacher, and when her class teacher has their planning time.

She's also making some progress with her attention and focus, but I can see she's not the same as other children her age and it's affecting her learning in other areas. She struggles to complete any independent work at school and it's been a bit of a step up in year 1 as to what's expected. She's still enjoying school and has a good group of friends. But she has to sit on a table on her own so she can focus and sits at the front of the carpet. She is beginning to notice these differences.