DS2 has totally flipped out

[mummy2aaron]

Since October half term ds2 has been getting worse in terms of behaviour, so much so that I had to go to school and collect him yesterday as they couldnt control him, he is violent, aggressive and just screams and kicks out whilst lying on the floor. I am really at a loss as to what to do, the paed won't see him as an urgent appointment so we can't see her for at least 6 weeks. Our GP wants to refer us back to the CDU where he was dx with asd nearly 2 years ago as he thinks there may be adhd too. Again this will take time. I am totally lost, had a bad week already as my Dad had a Heart Attack on Tuesday and y Mum has broken her foot. We are also moving house over Xmas and I am worried this will affect ds2 and make him worse. I am going to book a Cranial Osteopathy appointment today to see if that helps but I can;t really have him home from school long term as my 2.5 dd has bad withdrawal when he is home and already has SALT. She doesnt need another setback bless her. He targets her she isnt allowed to play with anything and really he goes crazy ubkes she is sat still on my knee when he is about.

Rant over, sorry, as I say, bad week.

oh mummy2aaron that is so hard. what about asking the gp to prescribe something for your boy on the grounds that with autism often comes with hyperactivity, even if you don't have a separate ADHD diagnosis? Poor you, I am sending you a virtual hug

So sorry you are having such a rough time

There is obviously a great deal of stress and tension in your house at the moment. Christmas is stressful enough and moving well, say no more but add the 2 together and OMG!!! then pour the other stuff into the mix

I know your ds may not understand fully all the things going on around him, but i can bet he is picking up on all the different vibes in the house which is probably the reason he is acting out.

Now I'm really really sorry to say this and you'll probably want to strangle me now BUT visiting the paed or the CDU won't help any of the things at home and in turn won't help your ds. This is not very helpful I know but at least now you can stop stressing about an appointment/referal ETC.

Perhaps try sitting him down and just talking about what is going on. I completeley understand this may seem pointless it would seem so with my ds1 as he is severe ASD and non verbal but i find if i try to send calming vibes and help him see I am coping then maybe just maybe it will make a difference. It could be just wishful thinking and me spouting rubbish but it is worth a try

chin up!! sending you positive vibes and hugs and wishing you the best of luck with everything that you have going on right now.
(frankly I feel exhausted just reading about it LOL)
HTH

Thanks girls, aquariusmum the gp can;t prescibe anything thats why the referral. Graciefer, I know what you mean and I do try hard to keep things calm and spend a lot of time pacifying ds2 and talking over how he feels and why he feels like that and why he hits out. I am just feeling so drained at the moment I don't think I am the right person to keep him atm but there is no one else, dh would rather he was put into care and no matter how hard it gets that is NOT an option.

How big is he mummy2aaron, ie can you physically control him still by holding and restraining? I have this theory that I have to get my DS's aggression under control now, as he is predicted to be 6 ft 5 and I need him to learn self-control before that happens. We use hairwash as an aversive technique for any aggression, and he now knows not to hit out as there will be consequences he doesn't like. But this may be useless to you if he is big already, and he may respond even worse to aversive techniques. Just thinking out loud really and sorry to be dumb about GP.

Actually harirwash is a good idea he hates it - i will try that thanks. xx

Yes it is worth a try if he hates it, and when I was doing it his ABA tutors told me to be absolutely consistent, so it had to be every single time he did anything aggressive to anyone and my DH and other family members had to play ball too. It was hellish for a while, but my god I am glad I did it as at least that is one worry off my mind about his future! Big hugs and good luck!

Thanks, i will let you know how we get on.xx

What happens if he's really good for two weeks? How do you wash his hair without him thinking he's being punished??? Sorry, am interested by this aversive stuff, just trying to work out how it works.

I am also interested in this. My ds is 2 yrs 8 months,and is becoming increasingly aggressive. He lies on the floor and kicks out all the time, and it is getting impossible to live with. I worry what will hapen when he gets bigger. He has started scratching and biting aswell now. He does it for everything that happens, or whenever we need to have co-operation from him. He used to get aggressive only for certain triggers, but now it is for every little thing. Getting dressed, nappy change, handwash, teethbrushing, putting on shoes, coats, his brothers playing with toys because he thinks all toys belong to him, even when he sees children on tv, or out and about, at the toddler group,(so I can't go anymore). He expects me to know what he wants all the time without him asking for it.
I am exhausted, and no-one has any answers for me.
I am so afraid of this behaviour getting any worse.f I already ave trouble with my joints and a bad back. I still have leftover spd from when I had ds just over a year ago.
Soometimes I think my life is just going to be about living in my house, on-line shopping, watching my ds losing it all day long, my family's life being a constant misery, while everyone else lives in the 'outside' world, having a 'normal' life.

deeja and givemsleep, I am no expert but the way I did it was that ANY episode of violence gets a hairwash. And if he is good for two weeks, I still wash his hair normally once a week, and yes he screams and may wonder what he has done wrong, but it is a small price to pay for the benefits I thought. Deeja, I reckon your DS is at a really good age to start this aversive stuff as the books I've read suggest you can alter behaviour a lot more easily before 5 years old than after (you can still do it after, but it takes longer). After a while, we moved to a very small water spray rather than hairwash, and once all aggression had gone we would spray the back of his hair as a reminder and to get rid of other bad behaviours (eg he used to say "EEEEE EEEEE EEEE" absolutely all the time, and a water spray every single time he did it really helped stop this behaviour. You have to be prepared to do it every time though, which is why you need help from all the family/DH - and it does drive you mad, but for me at least it really worked and DS is now non-aggressive, in mainstream school, and only says his "EEEE" at bedtime, when we allow it!
Deeja, 2 years old is really the worst, and someone told me once that actually even autistic kids do grow up and mature out of some of the bad behaviours. I felt the same as you do when he was 2, but he has now just naturally stopped doing some things (his fave at that age was to run the water in the sink, put the plug in and flood the house, so I had to watch him every minute of every day)

NB _ I should say that hairwash only worked for me because DS absolutely hates it. There might be something else that works for you, like getting dressed, or picking up buttons and putting them all back in a bag which is one we tried at first (but my DS quite enjoyed it so that was no good)

There is also something called an electronic nit comb (non harmful of course, it is done by Boots and gives critters a shock but does not harm the child) - but the buzzing sound combined with hairbrush is very annoying to my DS so that is an idea too.

And I now some people will call me cruel, but for me the crueller thing is letting my DS grow to 6 ft 5 with his violence unchecked, and then perhaps having to be institutionalised because no-one can cope with him!