What to do when MS can’t manage and SS looks like it won’t suit?

[WhichSchoolIsBetter]

My DDs primary school are very close to saying they can’t manage her.

She’s 7 Year 3.

Behaviourwise she’s perfect, a bit giggly and chatty but perfectly well behaved.

Academically she’s 3 years behind and falling further behind. She has cognitive issues with her memory. She can’t read, she struggles with writing and most of it is illegible or just letters no actual words, she’s ok at maths but due to her reading ability she’s struggling with some parts of that too.

She has some physical needs too.

I’ve looked round local Specialist Schools. 9 in total and none of them felt right.

She’s a very social child, loves other children, chats away to them and gets many playdate and party invites. She goes to swimming and rainbows in a mainstream classes/meeting and copes perfectly.

Of the specialist schools only 1 said they’d be able to cope with a socialable child but she’s academically too far behind for them (they specialise in ASD and ADHD which she has neither of). The other schools would suit her academically but I felt she’d be unhappy as the other children didn’t speak. I also felt she’d be overwhelmed as most of the ones I looked at had 4 or 5 adults in the classroom with only about 7 or 8 children.

Her MS will be sad to lose her but she has 1-1 and is still not making expected progress. All the SSs said they’d happily assess her and two thought they could help her but both said she’d suffer socially as many of the children have social and emotional needs as well as academic. I watched one playtime at one school and the children needed to be guided to talk to others by the adults, I just felt my socialable child would hate it there with no-one to chat to and play with at playtimes.

Due to her physical needs we cannot consider schools more than 30 minutes drive away, so these 9 schools are literally my choices.

Homeschooling not an option, I’m a single parent, she sees her dad EOW for 1 night and he’d not help with learning. I have to work to keep a roof over her head.

So any other options? Or is it just a case of picking the best of worst?

I will add here, I have nothing against specialist schools. I know children who’ve thrived in them, I just don’t know whether they’re the correct option for my child.

Are there any resource provisions locally?

Do the 9 SS you have looked at include any independent SS within 30 mins?

Do you think DD's current school can meet her needs? Because if you do and it is your preference DD remains there it doesn't sound like the LA have any grounds to not keep the current school named in section I. If DD was given more support and provision do you think MS could meet DD's needs, either the current school or a different one?

As an aside, I understand it doesn't solve the need for you to work, but if you did decide none of the schools would work you wouldn't need to EHE, the LA could provide EOTAS.

@overworkedrobot

Are there any resource provisions locally?

Do the 9 SS you have looked at include any independent SS within 30 mins?

Do you think DD's current school can meet her needs? Because if you do and it is your preference DD remains there it doesn't sound like the LA have any grounds to not keep the current school named in section I. If DD was given more support and provision do you think MS could meet DD's needs, either the current school or a different one?

As an aside, I understand it doesn't solve the need for you to work, but if you did decide none of the schools would work you wouldn't need to EHE, the LA could provide EOTAS.

There's a couple of resource provisions locally but they're again more geared towards ASD/ADHD, she'd be much better in places geared towards cognitive or general learning difficulties.

Her MS have really tried with her but she's just not making progress so as much as I want to keep her there, it would be at the expense of her academically I think, she already spends most of the afternoons out of the classroom with her 1-1 trying to plug the gaps. They have been brilliant and her 1-1 is highly trained and really lovely, but she does need to be making progress academically as well as socially.

EOTAS could only work if they're happy to be in sole charge of a 7 year old on their own either in my home or elsewhere because I need to work. There is some flexibility but there are core hours I have to be in the office for.

@overworkedrobot

Are there any resource provisions locally?

Do the 9 SS you have looked at include any independent SS within 30 mins?

Do you think DD's current school can meet her needs? Because if you do and it is your preference DD remains there it doesn't sound like the LA have any grounds to not keep the current school named in section I. If DD was given more support and provision do you think MS could meet DD's needs, either the current school or a different one?

As an aside, I understand it doesn't solve the need for you to work, but if you did decide none of the schools would work you wouldn't need to EHE, the LA could provide EOTAS.

Sorry just seen about independent SS. There isn't an indie SS nearby, nearest is about 45 minutes. I could in theory move closer to a school though to shorten it to 30 minutes or less so will look at the indies further afield.

I think it is a case of picking the least worst. I think social stuff is really important and 3 years behind doesnt sound too much, although not makung progress is a worry.

I know this sounds obvioys but i assune an EP has assessed her and the 1:1 is using the techniques recommended?

There tends to be a bit more chouce at secondary - can you see a special school thats more suitable at that age?

It's a really, really difficult decision to make. I think there are so few special schools now that they are kind of forced to be generalist and so never cater for an individual child's needs perfectly, and it ends up being a make do situation. Which isn't good at all.
I'm in a similar situation with my DD and in the end picked a school that was best for her mental health, at the expense of her education. I feel I shouldn't have to make that decision, but our options were so limited.

@Elephantsparade

I think it is a case of picking the least worst. I think social stuff is really important and 3 years behind doesnt sound too much, although not makung progress is a worry.

I know this sounds obvioys but i assune an EP has assessed her and the 1:1 is using the techniques recommended?

There tends to be a bit more chouce at secondary - can you see a special school thats more suitable at that age?

Yes following the EPs suggestions. It's a big worry for me, as I want her to progress and do well. And it's all new to me.

Thankfully she's my only child.

ExH has said I can't move further from him due to the restrictions on DD being a drive away (he's about 15 minutes drive on a good day, if traffics bad it can take 30 minutes) and he will go back to court over it - he's seen as having regular contact so he'd likely get a PSO.

So i'm stuck on these 9 schools.

@GreatestHits

It's a really, really difficult decision to make. I think there are so few special schools now that they are kind of forced to be generalist and so never cater for an individual child's needs perfectly, and it ends up being a make do situation. Which isn't good at all. I'm in a similar situation with my DD and in the end picked a school that was best for her mental health, at the expense of her education. I feel I shouldn't have to make that decision, but our options were so limited.

This is my worry, she's so far behind and needs somewhere that will help her academically but that could be at the expense of her friendships and social skills. It's going to hard enough not taking her to school everyday without worrying she's unhappy.