AIBU to rock the boat at school for my autistic son

[xcxcsophiexcxc]

Good morning,

I am looking for advise on my 4yo with autism transitioning in to school.
I am not happy with the transition and don't feel like our thoughts and opinions are being taken in to account.
He started school two weeks ago at an hour a day. We were told this would be increased and reviewed in two weeks depending on his success. He's had a really successful two weeks with no meltdowns. The school today emailed saying he would be still doing an hour a day as now they are increasing the class sizes. They must of known this all along but have only now told us about the moved goal posts.
Prior to school he'd been at nursery varying from full 8am - 6pm 2-4 days a week. He loved being in nursery.
Unfortunately we have to work, and we have noticed how destructive and fractious he is becoming at home on weekdays as we cannot give him the stimulation he wants/needs.
We raised our concerns with the school before about it being only an hour and but I just got told "we know how this must be so inconvenient for us" which to me is rather condescending and not taking in to account that being at home all day isn't good for him for numerous reasons and probably perpetuates his struggles.
I'm just trying to figure out if its worth rocking the boat with the school mere weeks in to it. We are understanding of the need for a slow transition, but feel a full morning would be much better for him rather than an hour! I'm fed up of having my child excluded over and over again! I feel like they're trying to delay his start waiting for his IPRA application to go through.

You should ask MN to move your thread to the SEN boards as there’s lots of people there with lots of relevant experience.

I definitely think you should push it with the school, if he’s coping well so far I really don’t understand why he can’t try a whole morning? As a teacher I’ve seen a lot of part time timetables for children who really are not coping (violent, completely refusing to come into the building etc) and none of those have been so brief and the parents were involved in the decision making process. Lunchtime can be very difficult for ASD children so it makes sense to transition him slowly into staying all day but he’s never going to settle if he’s only there for an hour! It seems very counterproductive

This sounds like a ridiculous transition, unfortunately this is a classic tactic of schools that don't have the resources to deal with SEN. Your son is entitled to a full time school place and they are breaking the law by denying him that. A friend of mine had her son with autism put on a reduced timetable and had to get her MP to intervene before the school would admit they were in the wrong. Are you in touch with SENDIASS? Look them up, they will be able to advise and advocate for you if necessary.

I guess all the other children are doing more than him? I think it's crazy to only allow him 1 hour a day when he has coped with much more than that at nursery. I'm all for a gradual transition for all kids, but it's not fair to have weeks and weeks of only one hour a day.

I would completely avoid mentioning anything about your work when you speak to school about this matter though, make it only about him and what's best for him as your work is not the schools problem. I would give it two days with the new increased numbers and if he is fine then speak to them about it and say you feel he has settled really well and as he has coped with far more hours than this at nursery you would really like the hours upped otherwise he is missing out on a lot.

It sounds like they might not be coping with him that well though and so want to keep him very part time until they can get a TA for him. Could that be the case? That could take a while and he's entitled to an education so I would definitely speak to them, find out their concerns and keep pushing for him to be in more, escalate it from the teacher to the head to the governors if needed, you don't have to make a big fuss just keep saying you're concerned that he is missing out.

Thank you @Birdkin Thats an interesting opinion from another teacher. I know they say its only another week but then what? What if he does have a bad "hour" another week of one hour only?

@mumsnet please move my post to the SEN board if appropriate

Rock away. He is entitled to full time education and you can insist on that (if you do you may find they are happier to agree to mornings only). Ultimately if they cant meet his needs they need to get extra support in place and if that doesnt work start documenting things and going for official exclusions not "oh you just keep him at home for now".

Just say no OP.
He’s been fine with an hour - move to mornings.

This is ridiculous.

Both my children are autistic though they were diagnosed later. Both started school in reception full time straight away. To take them from full time nursery to part time school would have been far more disruptive to them. They needed the routine.

@Tal45 I know I probably shouldn't mention my work but on the other hand thats the reason why he's not getting what he needs at home when he should be at school. Otherwise we'd be off out and about outside and he'd be in his element !

Absolutely rock the boat. Our kids need advocating for.

That really does sound like a school who doesn't want to deal with Sen.
I would insist on half days with a clear plan to achieving full time as in 1-2 weeks not months or vague we will see's , especially as he has had no meltdowns thus far, there really is no basis for continuing 1 hour per day.
Unfortunately some schools are really bad with Sen (and some are brilliant, we have experienced both ) you really will need to be firm with the school I find slapping a friendly smile on works much better when firmly pushing back, when the school appears to be easing thier own load rather than supporting the Sen child, also get everyone that you possibly can to assist (sendiass , local family hubs/clusters, family support workers ).
All the very best.

Definitely rock that boat. I don't think they have his best interests at heart here, they're thinking of what is convenient for them. Are you sure this is the best school for him though?

@xcxcsophiexcxc

Thank you *@Birdkin* Thats an interesting opinion from another teacher. I know they say its only another week but then what? What if he does have a bad "hour" another week of one hour only?

@mumsnet please move my post to the SEN board if appropriate

Yes exactly, it’s a worrying precedent. He’s not getting the chance to build any relationships either, if he was in my class I wouldn’t be happy either I never got to spend any time with him building that trust!

Unfortunately in my experience some school leadership teams really take the piss with SEN provision if they think they can, there’s nothing wrong with being ‘difficult’ if you’re just advocating for your child’s rights. In fact I have discretely encouraged parents to complain about things to the head before as it’s usually out of my hands and it’s often the only way things get moving.

One of my dc is autistic and he did full time in the schools pre school with no issues. (No diagnosis was even on the radar at this point)

Within 6 weeks of being full time in reception he was referred to an educational psychologist, behavioural support worker, had to have a risk assessment and 1:1 teaching assistant, teachers were mapa trained and he had a reduced timetable and it just went from bad to worse. It took a long time and lots of battles but he's now in full time at a specialist school.

Absolutely rock the boat of you feel your Ds is coping. As Long as he is there's no reason to not have him in school longer .
He is entitled to a full time education the term after his 5th birthday (I believe-i could be wrong)
But please bear in mind mainstream schools in general do not have the funds (and that is what it comes down to -money) to accommodate dc with certain needs. And that's not to say no schools accommodate sen dc, but it does depend on their needs. If your dc doesn't seem to be coping with additional hours, you may need a plan B.
I hope it goes well for your ds.

Honestly? The school have barely put any effort and are dragging it out. They are showing no capability to really support your son. I'd be looking for a school with a more positive outlook.

It may also be worth asking the Send at school for an Early Help Assessment (if in the Uk).
This is a small meeting with yourself, your partner, the send and possibly your ds's teacher and headteacher.
A form is filled in noting your ds's needs and how things are at home and at school. What strategies work at home and at school and what's going to be done moving forward to support your dc.
It's more of a record of what's been said, what the plan is and it's better that it's on writing than done verbally between yourself and staff imo. We had EHA's regularly in the beginning, it may have been monthly because things escalated very quickly for us.
It's something to consider anyway

You dont need to view it as rocking the boat or go.in hostile. Ask for a meeting with senco, teacher and principal. Discuss that you feel it's too unsettling for your son for an hour and request they try a morning approach.

Iv found a polite but firm approach works. Not treating the school as hostile but working with them to achieve the best outcome.

Is your son non verbal? Can he follow classroom instructions and go to bathroom himself? Do you think he needs 1:1 support?

I'm from a different area of UK but if he does need 1:1 support then apply for an echp

Senco* not send

You have 12 or more years of this ahead of you (and that's just education), so rock that boat now and rock it hard.

Seems odd to be that they are excluding a kid who has social issues and will struggle making friendships - from the key point in the year when these friendships are made. Isn't that setting him up to be different - to fail? Particularly given he coped well at nursery.

Definitely rock that boat OP. At least mornings from tomorrow. Otherwise they need to issue exclusion paperwork- that will get them thinking more creatively as exclusions count against them.

Absolutely rock the boat. My DS managed a week and a half full time when he started primary 1 then had a big meltdown where it was decided (by them, not me) that he wasn't coping. Then came risk assessments, ed psych, a 3 month wait to get a 1:1 support for learning worker, all the while he was "allowed" to attend for half an hour twice a week at the end of the day after the other pupils had gone home. It was a living nightmare for months and they took full advantage of the fact that I was a sahm as an unpaid carer (for both my children), they expected me to keep him at home because I could. My MP was the best help in the end, local authority were useless. Involve anyone that you need to involve to get your point across, sometimes shouting loudly about it yourself is not enough. Good luck.

If you feel it would work better tell the school you want DS to have the same hours as his peers and if he struggles you will review. Your DS is entitled to the same hours as everyone else. You will soon get used to rocking the boat as that’s how your DS will get the support he needs.

@Hankunamatata
He is poor at social communication, very much the introvert but he can communicate what he needs.
He doesn't often follow instructions such as tasks given but he can go to the toilet by himself.
We are going for the ehcp as he's had a one plan for the past six months that started at nursery, however the school tells me this could take a year!

I have called to talk to the inclusion partner in our district however I've been given no definite timeline on when the correct person will be able to call back, which isn't that helpful for me right now when I want to respond to the schools email ASAP.

Might be worth having a search for your local authorities contacts so you have them ready if needed.
When I was having a very difficult time with our ds I spoke to the Education Welfare Officer, the Inclusion (Manager - I think), Family Liaison with the EHCP team, Director of Children's Services, Director of Send for the La, local Mp, the educational psychologist / behaviour support who gave info as to what he recommended for my dc), and even the Education secretary (not that the ES was much cop but I had nothing to lose).
Local charities for families with dc with additional needs are fantastic to gain information and support from too.
And if all that fails, seek legal advice. You'd be amazed what appears when you inform them you're seeking advice.

Be aware that they will probably push back that he's still 4, so they don't have to have him full time, conveniently ignoring the fact that excluding him now is very likely to cause problems for him and them, down the road. "Compulsory school age | Practical Law" uk.practicallaw.thomsonreuters.com/9-386-0356?transitionType=Default&contextData=(sc.Default)&firstPage=true

Check out
Sen sos
Ipsea
www.specialneedsjungle.com/get-prepared/
You can apply yourself for an echp I believe