What is wrong with my child?

[Falcon1]

I'm so worried about DD2 (6). She was a chilled out baby and toddler, but from 3 she has progressively become harder and harder. I think she has some sort of learning difficulty, and/or neurodiversity. Things that concern me:

• Multiple daily meltdowns (proper screaming fits, throwing things, hurting herself) if something doesn't go her way or due to sensory issues - clothing or having to wash her hand or wipe her bottom are the biggest trigger.
• Struggling at school - finds reading and writing really hard and is behind where she should be for her age.
• Has a terrible memory - still doesn't know the names of her classmates (she's year 2) and even her teacher. Doesn't know the days of the week. Has difficulty learning songs e.g. still doesn't know the alphabet song
• Seems to hate learning and constantly calls herself stupid
• Is often very negative about the world and herself- really low self-esteem. Sees the negative in everything.
• Seemingly uninterested in the world - never seems to ask questions or take much interest in anything
• Has a few friends but often gets very upset if they don't want to do what she wants them to.

In terms of what we've done to help her so far: she gets extra support at school via the SENCO. She also does ESLA for emotional support. We engaged a private practitioner of 'the zones of regulations' to help her manage her emotions. And we have just finally got a referral from CAMHS but rather than seeing her, they want to give my husband and I sessions on how to help her. We also do special one of one time with her every night and give her lots of praise/encouragement.

I asked CAMHS about getting some sort of assessment, but they said there wasn't much point because the support available wouldn't change regardless of the outcome. But I just want to be able to understand her. We are constantly walking on eggs shells as a family, not sure what is going to set off the screaming next. It's exhausting. I just want to know why she is like she is and how best to help her.

Can anyone relate and/or have any advice? Feeling very despondent.

Well support should be needs based but often a confirmed diagnosis can provide access to more, it certainly means professionals, including teachers, are more likely to listen to what you say. Aside from anything else it will help her understand herself as she gets older. I would push ahead regardless of what they say. Speak to your GP for a referral to a paed.

It’s quite typical to be offered a parental course as a first instance. If you can, it’s a good idea to go ahead and do it. It won’t be a general parenting course, it will be more targeted. Worst case you’ve ticked that box, best case you learn something useful and meet others in the same boat.

Thanks for your response.
Yes, we have started the course.I'm grateful for any help offered and hopefully it will be useful.

Will a GP take me seriously do you think?

I think if you took them a list of the concerns here and the support she’s already receiving then they should do.

Has DD got an EHCP?

If in your CCG the pathway for ASD and similar assessments is via CAMHS rather than paediatrics the GP may not be able to refer to paeds.

No, she hasn't got an EHCP. This isn't something that has every been mentioned.

Apply for an EHCP yourself, IPSEA have a model letter you can use. Struggling at school, daily meltdowns, sensory problems, poor memory, social problems are all reasons for applying. An EP assessment would help DD and would be part of the EHCNA, you could ask for an OT assessment which would help.

I didn't know you could apply yourself. Thank you, I'll look into that right away.