I wasn't made to be a mum

[IsabelAllende]

I don't know why I'm starting this thread, but I think I have just come to the realisation that DS will never be like his peers. We can never relax fully, he can be lovely, but is so inflexible as well.

He screams when water touches his clothes, even little droplet, hates the rain (we live in England). When he's angry he hurts or tries to hurt his sister, she's starting to be scared of him. His speech is behind and his emotional development is behind as well, he's 4 but at the same level of a 2 years old. He's getting an EHCP.

He's improved a lot, and that's what makes me feel so unfair to him, as I think he tries really hard, but it's such a struggle in daily life. I feel like I'm failing at parenting. I've become the mum people stare at when we are outdoor and DS is having another meltdown.

I don't even know anymore why his behaviour is so extreme (his paed thinks it's ASD), but people close to us think he's naughty and I'm too soft.

I feel like this sometimes too. And it is hard. I feel like I am not a good enough mum for my son's needs. I am lucky that my husband is brilliant with him and we have worked out a way to share day to day stuff in a way that plays to our strengths - I deal with appointments, EHCP etc and he does the really repetitive play that my son enjoys but I am not patient enough for!

I have found that worrying about what other people think is a waste of my (limited!) energy, but appreciate that is easy to say. Don't measure yourself against parents with neurotypical children. You need to find the successes that work for you and your son and celebrate them. You know him better than anyone else, so please don't let outside opinions make you feel less than.

it sounds like you're working hard to get the right supports in place for your son.

A book that I think can be helpful to explore ASD a bit further is Coming Home to Autism: A Room-by-Room Approach to Supporting Your Child at Home After ASD Diagnosis
Book by Rhian Grounds and Tara Leniston

The introduction is really honest and there are lots of practical tips.

You are not alone. I've felt the same way lots of time. Do you have any support OP?