Does anyone else struggle to leave the house at weekends

[5iveminutespeace]

Ds is 8 and has adhd and possibly autism. He won’t go out unless we’re meeting up with friends so he has someone to play with. But we don’t have that many friends and people are generally busy doing family things at weekends.
I’m a single parent, work all week and don’t get any time to myself. Being cooped up in a flat with no garden all weekend is really hard for me. Ds doesn’t care at all but he really does need to get our or he has trouble sleeping.
I’m so so bored. All I do is go to work. I can’t even go to the shops.
We was due to go somewhere really fun today but he had a massive meltdown when he had to come off the iPad, as always. I’ll admit I lost my temper a bit because I’m so sick of all the problems tbe iPad causes. So then he’s refused to go out. I let him calm down which he did and told him we’re still going (because I want to more than him, and he’d love it once he’s there). I tried to get
Him to change his jumper for a tshirt because it’s 23degrees here today. My fault because I put the jumper on him before checking the weather.
Somehow this caused another meltdown, both of which today were partly my fault because of how I responded, I’m usually much calmer. But today I just walked around the house loudly proclaiming how much I hate the iPad and it’s the root of all evil ect and how I’m sick of everything.
Now he’s calm again and happily watching tv which he’ll do all day. I’m sitting in my room sad wishing I’d somehow dealt with it differently and maybe we might have actually gone out.
I also find it hard to understand that he doesn’t care that we’re not going now. It’s fun, he’s enjoy it I know he would but it’s getting him places that’s the issue. If we was going with someone he’d be out the door in a flash.

All I can think is this it? Work-home-work-home all winter. Never go anywhere?

That does sound hard, and frustrating, but there are also a lot of positives in what you say - he CAN enjoy going out, there ARE things he likes doing. It sounds like it’s just transitions that are hard - and I get that ‘just’ is covering a lot of ground there.

One idea - have you tried the collaborative problem solving/explosive child approach? It’s really helped here in getting DS to be able to do things that seemed well out of his reach.

You’re right. There are a lot of positives and I’m constantly tying to remind myself that others have it much harder. I’m also grateful that he is social and has friends but he’s almost to reliant on them.

It is transitions that are hard. Always. I think I over looked that this morning. It’s also the bloody
iPad, it’s the bane of my life.

I need to finish the book, I started it a while back. The thing is.m, he really finds it hard to talk about difficult or emotive things but I definitely need to finish reading. He’s also quite demand avoidant I think so me getting annoyed this morning really didn’t help.

We actually had quite a chilled day indoors, even though I banned electronics for the day. He accepted it and didn’t harass me for them all day which is surprising. I banned the iPad for the week and need to stick to it now as I never do so I’m in for a tough few days.

This is a list of ideas
Play dates
Trips to museums
Days out at the beach
Road trips
Library trips
Art gallery visits
Zoo days
Outings to nature reserves
Vacations
Picnics
Parties
Afternoon tea somewhere nice
Bowling nights
Movie and game nights
Chess and poker nights
Classes and clubs (look online)

Have you tried visual aids to help with transitions?

Talk through the day in advance. Have w now and next board and then used timers for transitions so he knows when the sand runs out that’s the end of iPad time and time to go out.

@languagelover96
Tbe only thing on that list he’d probably be happy to do without a friend is there zoo and movie nights. He’d go to the library without a friend, but the problem is it isn’t ‘exciting’ enough to actually motivate him to get ready and out the house.

I’ve actually had a think though, and I’m quite similar. I love going out, but over the years I’ve always tried to ensure if we’re going somewhere I arrange to go with someone because it gives me someone to talk to. Now for something like the zoo I’ve never really done that, but for parks ect I have as it gets boring sitting alone. So I’m wondering if some of it is something I have almost made part of his routine and what is expected.

But as for museums, libraries ect. He’d say yes, but when the day comes, he wouldn’t be bothered and would resist getting ready. This wouldn’t happen if we was going with someone.

It’s weird because he’s possibly autistic and it’s expected that autistic children are less social but he’s almost the opposite end of the scale and thrives of that social interaction more than other children.

@Sirzy Have tried all of that. It helps and is necessary, but doesn’t fully solve it.

I’ve discovered this week that having a treat like a chocolate ready to transition off of the iPad helps. So time runs out, begins to meltdown, distraction with chocolate, eats chocolate, meltdown avoided, transition complete.