Holidays/Days Out

[Lemonlime5]

Days out are becoming increasingly difficult with DC. By difficult I mean almost impossible in terms of safety and the fallout from DC not getting to do what they would like for safety purposes. At this point holidays would be too stressful to even consider. My question is how people in this position deal with having a younger DC? Days out are more straightforward in terms of leaving older DC with family but what about holidays? Does younger DC never get to experience holidays due to worries about older sibling? The guilt of leaving older DC behind would also be a factor but they would probably not care/realise. Would appreciate people in same positions opinions.

I think it is such a broad spectrum.
It depends on needs an what the difficulties are with taking your older dc.

Also depends on if you have any support (Grandparents, Aunts Uncles etc) who might come with you - and if this might be manageable. So 4 adults in the cottage and take turns to go out and about with younger one and stay in with older one type thing.
Or specific breaks like PHAB camps?
Or (hollow laughter) respite care?

DH and I split up a lot. For days out one of us takes DS2 and sometimes DS3 (has ASD but copes quite well with days out as long as they are planned) and one of us stage at home with DS1 (complex MH problems). We either do the same with holidays or we will all go and split up once there.

When we split up I remind myself DS1 wouldn't find the day/activity enjoyable, for him it would be distressing and he doesn't see it as missing out.

We do get some respite and always use the overnights to spend time with DS2&3 doing things together DS1 wouldn't cope with.

We don't do holidays. For days out we use the free carers tickets that you can sometimes get if you get dla to bring dh's mum and dad with us for extra help.

If you know it's going to be hell, don't do it.

Our autistic DS wasn't diagnosed until junior school and has lots of insight, so I'm not sure if our experience will help. He hates change and can't do unexpected changes at all, but he actually is ok with carefully planned, low key holidays with plenty of warnings. A holiday is a regular occurrence, so even though they are not frequent, he accepts that they are part of "normal" if that makes sense. Similar with days out - think season tickets, repetition is key.

AI holidays work brilliantly for us. He can eat broadly the same thing in the same place every day, which makes him so happy. I don't have to cook, and we can just be by the pool doing puzzles or reading so very little stress. Basically we just turn into slobs on holiday! Not winning any medals, I know, but it works for us.

For days out, this summer we are doing a mix of stuff he likes (massive roller coasters and season tickets to his favourite sport), stuff with just DD, and one or two things that he won't love but DD will, so we are pushing him a little on that. However it's within a careful framework that he'll do something really fun the day before, and maybe ice cream after. We usually have one parent prepared to leave early with DS while the other takes their time with DD so she can get the full experience. If we stay away anywhere we book a Premier Inn.

In terms of fairness we write a family list every holiday of stuff people want to do. Then we pick things off it so everyone gets 2 of their top 3 or something. Fair is making sure everyone gets the same number of their top things in, not making sure everyone goes to exactly the same number of things. (When mine were little they tended to write very modest requests like going swimming, or eating ice cream in the park, which helped!)