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Original poster

I am one seriosuly angry MummY! <<grrrrrr>>

42 replies

Peachy · 26/11/2007 10:46

Someof you may know ds1's behaviour has deteriorated badly lately, also that on Friday he was sent home with a note in his home-school book saying he attacked around a dozen kids on friday (!).

Well today ahs put a new shine on all that......

After a bad weekend, he was very reluctant to get dressed and go to school today- I was a little suspicious, especially as I noticed him cower (most unlike him) when the Head walked past on friday. I also noticed that he ahd not changed his undies all weekend and has been very reluctant (more so than usual) to change near me, so i took him into the kitchen and amde him strip.

He is covered in bruises, some up to 5 inches, each one he can account for!

the srory from ds1's perspective is that the child who always is ivolved and should be kept aprt from ds1 got up a gang to attack him 9this does seem likely- ds2 witnessed similar when they were in the same school)- the dozen kids. They pinned ds1 down and kicked him repeatedly, this is abcked up by the bruising and seriosuly scared child, and the behaviours.

he is supposed to have 1-1 at lunchtimes, but as he was being good thre rest of the week they pulled it (it ws outiside the amount specified in his statement- he ahs that in terms of study support atm).

DS1's version makes a lot more sense- he has been very good in the alst few weeks about taking time out in the library when needed in breaks.

Not only am I at the point where I feel he's now not safe at school- he is asking to change schools . he loved this school at first.

I snet him in with a complaint in his home - school book but usually no response is receicved. What do i do now? Call the SN dept at the LeA or kidscape / NAS for advice?

particualrly p'd off as one of these kids (the one who inflicted the biggest bruise) was the one whose Mum complained about ds1 being in the school!

OP posts:
Tiggiwinkle · 26/11/2007 10:55

If I were you Peachy I would take him to your GP and make sure there is an official record of his injuries. I would give the NAS a call for advice as to what further steps to take. What is your relationship like with this school-it's not the same one you had the problems with before is it?

Mitchell81 · 26/11/2007 10:55

I am shocked, I feel so sorry for your DS. Sending you both hugs.

Original poster
Peachy · 26/11/2007 10:58

It's not the same school, no- he went up to juniors in September.

ealtinship seems OK except theya re very arms length- no contact with eachers each day bar link book (they are line dup outside by helpers and desatched from within by the teachers). have met teacher twice, both at my request.

NAS seems a good plan, will also talk to Dh about the GP.

OP posts:
harleyd · 26/11/2007 10:59

poor lad

no advice sorry, my temper is way too bad to deal with stuff like this rationally

Original poster
Peachy · 26/11/2007 11:05

Yes, I am worried if Is end Dh in corpses willr esult, if I go tears will flow

Neither exactly productive!

OP posts:
staryeyed · 26/11/2007 11:17

This is terrible peachy. To be covered in bruises I am . Poor boy. Get this properly recorded and kick up the biggest stink because no one should be bullied at school like this. I cant believe nothing has been done at the school. Does no one watch these children at break time?

needmorecoffee · 26/11/2007 11:18

I second what others have said. Photograph his bruises and take him to the GP. Complain to the Head and the SEN dept. He is being assaulted and that was a serious assault.
Am so angry on your behalf and your poor ds's that I feel like ranting at the school myself.
Talk about blame the victim

coppertop · 26/11/2007 11:20

Poor ds1.

If you can't manage to get to the GP I would take photos of the bruises if possible. Basically anything that will give you a record of this.

and that this was allowed to happen.

Original poster
Peachy · 26/11/2007 11:27

I've just soken to the NAS, they'res sending info tot ake in to a meeting with the Hean / SENCO, and also as ds1 is being balmed for all things, think we need to look at DDA action

Keep feeling angry at myself, if I ahdn't been so worked up about DH being ill I might not have mised this- usually I am right on top of it.

How effin dare they treat my baby like this

OP posts:
staryeyed · 26/11/2007 11:37

Dont blame yourself Peachy He was at school at the time. Im so angry for you its absolutely unbelievable that they are blaming your Ds. Do those boys have bruises over their body? I doubt it. What a convenient way to ignore bullying -to blame your Ds.

mccreadymum · 26/11/2007 11:42

This is just horrible - If I were you , I would use all your anger and a)write a letter to the Head, copied to the SENCO and to the relevant person at the LEA b) ask for a meeting with the school and ask what strategies they are putting in place to ensure this kind of ABH never happens again. Also mention that you will be expecting the children possible to be found and dealt with. This is assault, and somehow you just know that if it was an ASD kid doing the assaulting, there would be talk of expulsion, yet the same is not true for NF kids. If you need someone to help draft you a letter, I am ok at that sort of thing and can ensure it sounds both serious and legal. Just let me know.

Ozymandius · 26/11/2007 11:55

If he's been kicked hard enough to be bruised like that he might have other injuries. The GP is a must. Then raise hell.

Original poster
Peachy · 26/11/2007 12:00

Thanks- I need to have a serious think about what to do next.

Its an ADHD kid leadng teh attacks, however I dont feel angry for him as his Mum has bad issues herself and is refusing him help

OP posts:
wooga · 26/11/2007 12:55

Just read your post-your poor ds.
I can understand about the tears- is there someone you can use as a spokesperson/support if you get choked up talking to school-like ASK or equivalant?

flyingmum · 26/11/2007 13:13

Could someone go with you to the school - a friend or someone you trust but who could provide the 'objective' face. A friend of mine did this when her son was badly bullied (by a teacher would you believe) and it really helped. Alternatively, I think angry yet controled dad might not be such a bad thing. Many for you, hubby and family.

Quite clearly your son has been set on (you have the evidence) and like any self respecting chap probablly did a bit of retaliating - even if it was just shouting (good for him), he got caught in the 'act' and the other little cowards were mealy mouthed and of course haven't owned up to beating the seven shades of whatist out of him. Bullies are normally quite clever people - they know that given your son's past they are more likely to be believed than he is.

This would really make me question the ethos of the school and I think some hard questions need to be asked of them whilst acknowledging to them that in many areas they have supported your son and he is doing well. Is it worth contacting a govenor as well?

Original poster
Peachy · 26/11/2007 13:33

One of my friends (I am infant school PTA secretary, she's chairman) is a governor of that school so I will bring her in if I need to

Knowing i will get upset (had a long cry to my Mum) I ahve e-mailed them to request a meeting with the SENCO and either head or deputy 9wuld rpefer deputy as ds1 seems to think head is out to get him, whihc I would be hmmmmm about except have heard less than flattering things from the CM (also ASD son, now in Comp) and other Sn mums at rugby.

have requested it to discuss disaprity between ds1's account the official acount as detailed in the home-school link book, to discuss whether an early review of statemnt needs to be arrnaged in order to up ds1's 1-1 supervision and support, and then requested a copy of the bullying policy as a hint as to what angle I am approaching it from.

Dh will accompany me to the meeting, he's not so up on SN matters as I have needed to be, but I will feel better with him there.

DS2 goes to this school in September and I have this fear that his school progression will always be somewhat amrred by the fact he follows so closely behind ds1. Serisouly considering a joint school transfer in September (as theres no point starting ds2 at one school for 7 months), but then I have ds3 statemnted to start the first school in January-

OP posts:
bonkerz · 26/11/2007 13:58

i am shocked for you peachy and angry too. My Ds also gets alot of blame for things that are clearly not entirely his fault and is being bullyed currently.
Have you had any support from parents in partnership scheme? I am like you and VERY emotional when it comes to things at school so my PPS lady always comes with me to any meetings at school and when i lose it she takes over from the notes we prepared prior. She also takes notes for me as i tend to miss parts of converstaions due to my emotions!

Graciefer · 26/11/2007 13:59

What an awful situation Peachy, makes me angry just thinking about it, poor DS1.

Hope your meeting will make them see they are failing your DS by not providing a safe environment for him, let alone making him the scapegoat!

Thinking of you.

aefondkiss · 26/11/2007 14:04

Peachy I feel so for your ds, poor lad, really hope you can get the help you need to make the school take action to stop things like this happening, it is so shocking, like you I cry when having to deal with the school ...

angry] ...

Original poster
Peachy · 26/11/2007 16:23

He's come home with more bruises

Debating whether to send him in tomorrow or not- trouble is he managed to hide the home-school link book and not hand it over today

OP posts:
harleyd · 26/11/2007 16:29

i would be trailing heads peachy

mymatemax · 26/11/2007 16:40

can you take him in & demand to see the head (calmly of course).
If he had bruised someone else they would demand your presence at the school.

The school must stop this they have a duty of care to every child & they are failing.

needmorecoffee · 26/11/2007 17:03

I wouldn't send him Peachy until this is sorted. Then your lad will know that you are on his side, believe him and put his safety first. Thats a huge psychological boost for him.
I ended up taking ds1 (aspergers) out of school cos they couldn't keep him safe (he was 7) and I think it saved his life. If it had gone on he would have been expelled (for lashing out at the bullies) or taken his own life but the farking school kept blaming him as if 'SN' was a label for all that is wrong in the world.

staryeyed · 26/11/2007 17:11

Cant bloody believe it.More bruises? Who the hell is watching these kids? Please dont take him back in until they guarantee his safety. poor boy. That school is taking the absolute piss!

staryeyed · 26/11/2007 17:12

Had you already told them what had happened on Friday?