Residential stay with school (rant)

[CleanKittyCat]

My ds's class is going on a residential stay to Ilam Hall in Derbyshire. He is asd and in mainstream. When I talked to him he was interested but when I explained that he would be sleeping there in a room with about 15 other kids and he wouldn't get his bedtime apple with warm milk. I wouldn't be there to tuck him in and kiss him good night, he said that he didn't want to go. His teachers have tried to talk to him and tell him that it would be fun, he told them no he didn't want to go. A parent governor came up to me and tried talking me into letting him go. He told me that his ds went last year and enjoyed it. I said "yes but ... (my ds) is autistic and has a set nighttime routine which he gets upset if its disturbed, also he can't sleep in a room with anyone else". He informed me that his child was also special needs. I told him that I didn't know this and asked what was wrong with his ds, he told me that he was dyslexic!! I rudely informed him that this was not the same thing at all. The headteacher called me in for a meeting and wanted my reasons as to why my ds wasn't going. I gave them and she told me that I could go to Ilam as well, but this doesn't address the other issues.

Anyway, basically what I'm asking here is what would you do? Do I let him go? Everyone seems to think that he would enjoy it but what if he doesn't? I'm the one that would have to put up witht he meltdowns and tantrumas and him not wanting to leave my side when he felt abandoned. I'm confused.

how far would it be for you to go and get him if problems do occur?

I do understand your concerns, as even parents with NT kids worry about 1st trips away without them. how old is your ds?

could you not go perhaps for teh day when they have teh best / most suitable activities. Perhaps take a chance on going - is there a possibility of you r ds having a separate room adn soem privacy so his routine is not to badly disturbed. admitting that you are the one who would ahve to face any meltdown is a good start to deciding do you think he would benefit from going what risk is there of meltdown adn is there taht can be oput in place to prevent it happenning. I am sure you are thinking all this now, it is ahrd to take teh risk buit it may be worthwhile

any chance you culd take a weeks holiday there as well, i na seperate hotel/b&b and then srop your ds off each morning for the activities? very expensive, but you could have some lovely days out with your parntner/other kdis whilst he is doing the educational stuff.

Misdee

My ds is 9 years old and Ilam hall is about 1 1/2 hours - 2 hours by car.

Forgot to mention I can't spend time out there with him as I also have a dd who is 7 and my dh has Ankylosing Spondylitis and can't cope without help.

Message withdrawn

I have a six year old son with autism and know that I would worry dreadfully. However, I think I would let him go and perhaps be prepared to go and collect if it does not work out.
Tell the school about his bedtime routine and how you feel this could be an issue for him. Does he have an ISA? Could they go with him?
I just think that if this could be handled well by the school it would help him prepare for school trips at secondary level which he may really need to attend as part of his school work.

Would also like to add that my son is in a unit for children with moderate to severe difficultes and they are all taken on a residential school trip in junior school with mainstream children.

You must do what you think is best for your child. You know his needs best.

I wouldnt let him go. You know him best.

o.k, my dd went on her first residential last year aged 9, she has autism and moderate LD's
she is in a special needs school thou so they go every year, i didnt worry about her too much and she loved it and this year her and twin sister off to hathersage, the only bit of advice i can offer is that asd kids are well known for setting up vast routines, but, i have to say that put them in a different place and you may well see a different routine take place, my three all have asd and the first time they stayed at grans i didnt sleep for worrying about there routines needing to be followed ect, but they all three dropped there usual routines and it was pretty unbelievable to hear that my son had milk from a different cup ect, give it a try whats the worst that can happen, he may even enjoy it and make some more mates

Do the school expect him to just get on with things like the other children or are they prepared to make extra provision for him? If he gets extra help while he is actually at school then they can't possibly expect him to just cope in a new environment without allowances being made.

Is there any chance of him getting a room to himself or perhaps even sharing with 1 or 2 others? What are the sleeping arrangements for the teachers? Would any be willing to let him share a room with them or would this cause a lot of problems for the them? (I'm thinking about how teachers now avoid being alone with pupils to avoid accusations etc).

Could an apple and milk not be given to him at bedtime?

I can definitely understand your reluctance to have him sharing with 15 others. Are there any other aspects of the trip that you think would cause ds big problems?

Not got much more info at present am going to attend a meeting about it next week will raise points you have mentioned. Thanks all have given me some good arguments for and against.