please help me teach him road safety

[JJ]

My son (3 yo) doesn't have SN as such, but does have a language disorder -- he's gotten better, but still can't understand as much as other kids and esp has trouble with more abstract things (eg "danger").

He's also a strong guy with the build of a thug. He'll make a great bouncer one day.

Anyway, today we (my two sons and I) were walking home from school. I have been taking the bus as it cuts out most of the walking along the street. I was holding onto him, but he pulled back, ran behind me toward the street (it was a narrow pavement) tripped and fell into the street. It was just his head and shoulders in the street, but it was far enough that the oncoming van would have hit him. Luckily, the van stopped.

How do I teach him that the road is dangerous? How do I teach him the concept of dangerous? He just doesn't get it. He still tries to play on the curbs (eg wants to balance on the edge and jump into and out of the street). And how do I restrain him? I know I was holding onto him wrong (I thought he would try and go forward) and not hard enough. He screams if I hold onto his forearm or hand .. it's hard to keep a hold of him holding his hand, though.

Any and all advice appreciated. Thanks.

JJ maybe tell him you don't feel 'safe' and ask him to tell you when it's safe to cross the road etc? Apparently we learn more from teaching than being taught IYSWIM?
Got this tip from my mum and it's worked well with dd (she loves the responsibility).

cab, thanks, but he doesn't understand "safe" either. The whole concept doesn't occur to him .. don't know how to explain that, but I guess it'd be like teaching colours to a dog? Do they see in black and white? Well, not quite like that.

What I really need to do is get my sorry arse in gear and find him proper speech therapy.

How about this website

hedgehogs

It features the road safety hedgehogs - they do leaflets & games ? I don't know if pictures or games would help but thought I'd mention it !

No idea JJ. I'm not sure you can to be honest- until the concept develops- and with a language disorder that will take longer. With ds1 he always has an adult holding onto him near a road. If I have to walk him and ds2 down the road then I use a harness on ds1 and either hold ds2's hand, or try and keep him under control verbally. I don't take both of them near a road very often!

With ds2 I talk about what can happen if he runs into the road- no chance of doing that with ds1 so for the moment we have to stick to making sure he is physically safe.

Thanks whizzz, he loves computer games. He knows green man/ red man, but treats it as a game (ie sometimes like to break the rules and go out on red man).

Does anyone know how to hold onto little kids so they can't get away? The forearm works for us, but I'm worried about dislocating his elbow (he often drops when I do it).

Have to admit, I feel really stressed about this. The only reason that van didn't hit him was because the driver was paying attention. (If someone reading this is the driver or wife of the driver, thank you.. I can't thank you enough.)

Jimjams, sorry, we cross posted (I left mid-post to answer the phone). Where can you get big harnesses? Will they fit over the coat ok? How do you handle it if he just stops and won't go in a harness?

He's not at the point of talking about what happens. I've got to find speech therapy, I know.

Does he understand the concept of good or bad JJ? Could he be taught when it is good to cross or when it is bad?

If I think ds1 is going to leg it I hold him under his shoulder/armpit area.

I've had some limited success with ds1. After a near-miss with a bus I put a wrist-strap on him if he was walking. Luckily he tolerated this. I made a big deal of crossing each road. At each road I would say "stop" and just stop behind the kerb even if the road was clear. Basically I then exaggerated everything - looking from side-to-side before and during the crossing and again making a big deal of it when we got to the other side safely (Lots of "Yes! Well done!". (Got me a few strange looks though! ) This has worked to a certain extent in that ds1 can be fairly safe on roads that are on his usual route. Take him to a strange road and he can't transfer the techniques to it so I have to hold him back.

Ds1 recently attended a road-safety course (designed pecifically for under-5's)at school and the instructor used very visual methods. Children had to hold their hand up for STOP. (They had a stop/go game first where they had to run about and then stop when they heard the whistle). Then she pointed to her eyes each time she said LOOK and again did very exaggerated movements when looking from side-to-side. Next she pointed to her ears for LISTEN. Ds1 is a very visual learner so this worked well for him.

Ds1 still doesn't understand the concept of safe either. If you ask him what would happen if a car came along when he was on the road he would say "Get squashed" but wouldn't necessarily act on that information IYSWIM.

We have a crelling harness We have the one that is just a belt with a strap- it's made of seatbelt type material.

If we don't have it on then we hold onto his wrist. He can wriggle free though- I use the harness a lot- far too many close shaves for comfort- it is worrying.

Jimjams, ooohhh, I desperately need one of those! Just been on website- which one have you got?

Sorry for butting in JJ

the restrainer walking rein I think- but I can't get the link to work to check. It comes in 2 versions I think- one which is just a waist belt then strap (that's the one we have) and one that has a shoulder harness as well. It's big- meant to go up to age 8- but it fits me as well! They're very helpful.

Lou, he doesn't understand or doesn't care about good/bad. He's not horrid though, but the label doesn't affect his behaviour. Thanks for the tip about the armpit grab. It'll make it harder for him to bite me, too! Always an added bonus.

CT, do you know who ran the course? That sort of thing might help him. I do the exaggerated stop thing and only ever cross on a green man so that he doesn't get mixed messages. I think the problem is that he just doesn't understand the cars will smoosh him -- he's like your son in that respect, at this point. He knows what to do at a light or a zebra crossing but still thinks it's ok to jump into the street!

Jimjams, thanks. I will order one and hope that things will improve. It's a bad stretch of road -- narrow and only about 50m to the bus stop but very busy.

I do need to find out about speech therapists -- he was seen at Ruth Jacobs and I liked Jackie. Is the therapy good there?

The road safety scheme is run by the local council. From the booklets and leaflets they gave us it looks as though it may be a national thing too. It's called "Stepping out together - Pedestrian training scheme". Younger siblings were allowed to attend too with the proviso that they were either in a pushchair or had an extra adult with them.

No problem, jakbrown! I cross posted with you, too! Must learn to not start replies then stop in the middle to have dinner.

CT, thanks! I should learn to refresh a conversation more often.... argh.

I'll check with the council. Thanks!

JJ.....i am just in awe of you for trying so hard....with my middle son i gave up and had him in a toodler seat on my youngest's pushchair way past the age when i ought to have let him walk....and to be honest even now (he is 8!!!) i rarely walk anywhere with all 3 as i simply feel unable to cope- my youngest was nearly hit by a car last year because my attention was on my then 7yr old who was lyinging flat out on a pavement.

so i am interested in this thread too!!!!

Tricky one. Definitely get a harness for now. You don't necessarily need to teach something as complex as road safety but you need to teach STOP! and holding hands. DS's receptive language is the thing that has helped us, we don't make him hold hands all the time, just at roads and its OK as that's when its important and he doesn't have to hold on the rest of the time, as long as the road isn't too busy. You should probably practice away from danger and go out deliberately just to do this on quiet, familiar roads. Also worth looking for books and videos on the topic.

Our trouble is that ds1 still finds running away funny. We are working on "good walking". The harness has really helped with that though- he's been running away from me a lot less - think he's used ot the harness- but will still run from dh- who uses the harness less.

leigh as i said is 8....and the other day i was going shopping so i went out to the car and got in. whilst i was adjusting my mirror/seatr etc leigh came running out the house to go to the sweet shop 4 doors away...my husband had obviously let him....he ran straight across the road into the shop and then to my horror he ran staright back oy=ut again without looking.now i obviously was keeping an eye out for him- and was almost viewing this as a 'test' of his capabilities without me there to remind him to stop etc.
scarey.

Hi JJ
My dd also has a language disorder and is just 5. She is getting better but I still wouldn't trust her anywhere near a road unless I am a second behind. Mind you I am paranoid about roads in general as I never think any child is 100% safe IYSWIM
I just drill it into dd. Stop here, look, wait for mummy. We always hold hands. She is getting better but I am still not at the stage that I feel safe letting her run on too far ahead.

Thank you all. I will get a pushchair! Honestly, I'm such an idiot sometimes.. it didn't occur to me (he needs a lot of running around, but can do that at the park). And a harness, for when the pushchair is inconvenient. And keep telling him and keep telling him and... Thanks.

MrsF, you are the sweetest! I am certainly no one to be in awe of (esp by you -- you're amazing), but you made my day.