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13 yr old ASD coping with disruption and ridicule

2 replies

citcatgirl45 · 10/06/2021 17:45

My son is in yr 8 and is struggling with disruptive classes and kids just picking on him and being really mean. He has a diagnosis of autism but no EHCP as academically he is fine. He is unique and different and I suspect gay . He is picked on by several different children in his class mainly boys but some girls also. He is very much his own person and he is happy being the way he is, however him being the way he is , is why he is picked on. I chose this school because of its nurturing values and they are nurturing they really try to help him and I have teachers phone to say how mean these other kids are too him and they are putting children on report and talking to the culprits about how their behaviour affects others but like my son says they don't care they are just kids who want to be hard and top dog.

However he also has a fab group of friends who really stick up for him and he doesn't want to go to a different school because he has such a good group of friends. He says his class are so disrespectful and he is a target but he refuses to change to be less of a target. My DH says it is partly my fault as we should have knocked the differentness out of him at a young age and by allowing him to not worry about his differences I have set him up to be bullied.

He spends most of his time during the day out of class in the support unit. He has an exit pass which he literally uses all the time.

He says he loves the school because of his friends but hates the lesson time because of the horrible kids. He is an exceptionally hard worker, a rule follower and a generally good kid however it seems to be if you are almost 13 being any of these things in this school makes you a target. I have friends who have kids in other schools and although the disruption doesn't seem quite so bad they say that whichever school you go to if you are different and want to be a good kid you will be bullied and ridiculed for it and that any class with 13 year old boys is just pure chaos. Surely this isn't right!!

I am in a dilemma what to do because I want him in a class where he is not made fun of but he doesn't want to change schools because of his great friendship circle. He loves lunchtime, break time and after school clubs because he meets all his friends who unfortunately are in different classes to him and due to covid they don't mix!! All his friends except one are girls and all have special needs. He also has lots of friends in other years because last year in year 7 they had mixed tutor groups but they are not allowed to mix now. I am hoping that next year will be different but I am just thinking what if it isn't do I get him out now, but because of his differences will it be the same if not worse wherever he goes??

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 10/06/2021 20:45

My DH says it is partly my fault as we should have knocked the differentness out of him at a young age and by allowing him to not worry about his differences I have set him up to be bullied.

Hmm Your DH sounds like a complete twat. What a stupid thing to say. You cannot knock "differentness" out of your son. He is who he is because of his autism.

As far as the school goes, I think you have to listen to your son here. He doesn't want to change schools because of his great circle of friends. Children with autism find it very difficult to make friends so you could end up swapping one problem for another problem if he struggles to make friends in a new school.

Leave things for now and see how they go.

10brokengreenbottles · 10/06/2021 21:25

You can apply for an EHCP yourself. You can be academically able and have an EHCP, the fact he's out of he classroom a lot signifies his needs aren't being met.

Hiding DS' differences is a sure fire way of DS developing MH difficulties. DH should look at the damage masking does.

If DS has friends at the current school and doesn't want to move I would listen. Unfortunately, in my experience there are likely to be bullies at other schools. Another school could be worse if they brush the bullying under the carpet and DS doesn't make friends.

Push the school to escalate the punishments for the bullies.

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