He's attacked me again :-( Not sure I can take much more of this

[dustystar]

I know its early days but the meds don't seem to be helping. He's had some shorts periods where he has tried really hard and behaved well and we have given loads of praise etc. But he's had some really horrible meltdowns too and more and more he is attacking me. He's only 7 but he's so strong. I'm covered in bruises and I feel like my heart is breaking.

I picked him up from school just now and he was upset as yet another bad morning (although an ok afternoon) and he just lost it with me again I just don't know what to do any more. The meds were our last hope as nothing else was working anymore and if they don't work i don't know where we go from here. What's it going to be like in a few years and he's big enough to really hurt me.

Dusty I don't have any useful advice but couldn't read and not post. Hopefully someone else will be along soon to help. xxx

You could be writing my story. For me, too, the meds were last resort but don't really seem to have worked. Partly, I guess, because they don't help with my J's autism which is the cause of the flipping whereas the meds only treat the ADHD which actually makes him focus more on his obsessions and controlling everyone which causes the tantrums when can't do that!

I also hear what you're saying about what next...my J is 6 but sooooo tall and strong when angry. I also have the fear that he'll one day really really hurt me.

Are the meds at the right dose though? Or the right type? Or given at the right times? Cos when I see J's psychiatrist on Weds, that's the route I'm going down. Or maybe I just don't want to accept that my magical last resort is actually just as shit as star charts and doesn't actually help him.

for us both. At least you're not alone x

Sorry I can't make any concrete suggestions but just to send virtual support.

Thansk for the replies. I am much calmer now

givemesleep - As he ahs been on them less than a week I think i need to give it a bit more time. If things have not improved in the next 2 weeks i will be calling the paed and asking his advice.

I just wish it didn't have to be so hard. I know others have it much worse than me but ds behaviour is pretty soul destroying at the moment

It depends on what he is on. If he's on a stimulant, it should have worked straight away BUT I was told that because it freaks them out to feel so different, they can flip because of the new feelings.

If he's on Straterra or something, it can take weeks to build up to the right level. Sure you know this, but just in case.

It is soul-destroying. I remember seeing an ADHD programme 2 years back where a mother said of a similar boy to ours, 'if he was anyone else other than a son, I'd never want to see him again, the way he treats me and makes me feel'. We'd never take this from a friend or partner, so it feels so wrong. But we have to keep going because no other bugger will do what we do and keep taking it and loving them still, I guess. Doesn't help when you're getting the kicked out of you, but there you go.

It is a stimulant but I'm waiting for exactly the reasons you mention. I know he feels different on it and I'm hoping that once he gets used to it he'll settle down. He's just so angry all the time at the moment and he doesn't know why and he won't let me help him I know what you mean about not taking it from anyone else. i just feel like saying 'sod you' and walking away but I can't.

Right with you on that. I did once walk out when ex was here, making J overexcited and more arsey than usual. Just upset J so much - part of me felt bad but then another part of me felt WORSE because I felt pleased to have shown him how it feels for once . How bad is that?

My is responding well to social stories to talk through how he feels, which I know are aimed at autism, but might work for your ds too. A good book is 'Zak has ADHD'; another is 'Learning to slow down and pay attention' - just gave us an opportunity to talk through with J how it feels to be him, which sometimes helps as I can refer back to conversations we've had. Good luck to you x

I've just done a course in social stories and was keen to get started but you're supposed to write them with the child and he just refused point blank to sit down with me and do it. I'll have a look at those books - I want to find one for dd too about being a sibling to a child with ADHD.

I'm afraid that his teacher and I do them and let him take photos for the stories/ put the books together. The talking through has been helpful for us anyway.

The Zak has ADHD book is quite simple and would be accessible to younger child. J was 4 and understood it well.