Today I flipped

[jogalong]

Hi all.
Only an occasional poster but have gotton on so much advice and support here.
Basically since ds ASD returned to school after lockdown it's been a complete nightmare. He escalates to aggressive behaviour for even the simplest reason. It started in school (ASD unit) and eventually spilled into home life. I've had multiple meetings with school, psychology, paediatric team etc. And I have 2 other kids and work part time.
He is currently on a reduced day of 1 and a half hours in school.
Today he escalated at home and I just flipped. I think the last 5 months of stress just caused me to boil over. I don't even feel bad now. I feel relieved that while he was beating the crap out of me I rang dh and just told him I just cannot cope anymore.
I can't believe I'm reduced to this. I'm a shell of the person I used to be. I was full of life, fun, easy going and happy. Now I'm worn out, angry, sad and exhausted. I feel there's no light at the end of any tunnel.
Please can anyone tell me how I can improve this miserable situation.

I'm so sorry you are going through such a rubbish time. It is an immense amount of pressure to be under and it is incredibly hard not to lose it when you are under attack.

Have you seen the SEND VCB group run by Yvonne Newbold on Facebook? There is a public page with lots of advice about violent and challenging behaviour but there is also a private page where parents can talk to one another about the violent behaviour they are enduring.

If the problems have only started since your DS went back to school , it is an indicator that school is not meeting his needs.

The answer should not be a part time timetable, as that is unlawful exclusion.In any case it is clearly not working, as the issues are now affecting your home life.

Does he have an EHC Plan?

I agree, don't allow the school to keep DS on a part time timetable. Inform the school DS will be attending full time and you will only collect him if they give you official exclusion paperwork.

The school aren't meeting DS' needs. You can call an early review. Does DS need a reassessment of needs? Or a change of placement?

Have you had social care assessments? An assessment by the disabled children's team for DS and a carer's assessment for you.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. I joined the group SEND VCB and got some fantastic advice. Thanks @livpotter for that. Reading their site makes so much sense. I always knew it was not my fault but school just chipped away at me blaming blaming blaming. This has reassured me again. @ellie56 and @10brokengreenbottles I've decided to move him to another school where his needs can be met. This is giving me great comfort too. I know it won't be easy but it cannot possibly be any worse. I have so much damage limitation to do in the meantime.
Thanks again for all your help.

@jogalong

If you need to call an early Annual Review information and model letter here:

www.ipsea.org.uk/asking-for-an-early-review-of-an-ehc-plan

I really hope things improve soon for you and your boy.

I know how you feel, had a bad epidode myself a couple of weeks ago, was told the staff at school needed a break from DS

Second what pp said about disabilities social work assessment. Going forward residential school might be appropriate, it’s a fight to get it though.
The mighty IPSEA has helped me a lot with navigating/fighting the system. Hope things improve for you.