Advice needed on dyspraxia

[padua]

I attended my 3 yr old son's parents evening last night. His nursery teacher told me she thinks he has dyspraxia. She says he is a little clumsy, gives the adults poor eye contact, can't pedal a trike and is still at the scribbling stage with mark making. He has reached all his normal milestones with regards to walking, talking, toilet training etc and to me is a bright little boy. He does have eye contact issues but I put it down to shyness. I feel devastated as I went to the meeting hoping to hear what a lovely time he was having and how well he had settled. What should I do now? I have made an appointment with the doctor but I'm worried it is all an over reaction.

Hi Padua, thats a shame they were so negative.

Im a paed physio and a lot of my work is with childdren with dyspraxia. I would be loath to call a three year old dyspraxic, as they still have so much developing and maturation to do at that stage. If your son was 5, and they were still describing him like that, then perhaps Id be worried.

Look at their concerns.

Clumsy - show me a three year old who isnt!

Poor eye contact - at this age, the brain still finds it difficult to process lots of information at once. If you think about it, if someone is talking to you, you want to listen to what they are saying, but if you look at their face, there's all the expressions to deal with as well. Some children, and some adults, find it easier to concentrate on what someone is saying, or on what they are saying themselves, if they dont make eye contact all the time.

Trike - how much does he use one at home? If he's tried and tried, he might need a different approach to learniong it, or a different type of trike. If he hardly uses one, then its lack of experience.

Scribbling stage - dont worry. Some children are hothoused into writing their own name by three, others will barely be able to do it by the time they go to school.

it wont hurt to talk to your GP about it, as they have sown the seeds of doubt in your head, and thats a horrible feeling. If the GP is also concerned, there's nothing to be lost in having an assessment with a therapist or a chat with a paediatrician.

Some educational professionals are keen to spot children with dyspraxia, but it takes a medical person (paediatrician, physio, OT) to diagnose the condition and advise on management.)

Try not to worry - the chances are he just needs the experiences that nursery is there to provide, and everything will be fine. But if he is dyspraxic its not the end of the world as there is a lot of support available.

Just keep off the internet as there is a lot of very expensive advice there.

I did an online questionnaire that would tell if you had dyspraxia a couple of days ago, and according to that I need treatment!

Good luck!

Thank you Fubsy. That has made me feel a lot better. You are so right about the eye contact because he is listening to everything you say and picks up on lots of details despite not looking at you. I have to say I'm not entirely convinced by the nursery teacher's skills of observation because as we left she told me how busy my son had been making biscuits and bafti sweets that day and the previous one, when in fact he'd been at home poorly!

Sorry to put a downer on things but if your childs nursery school teacher believes(in her opinion) that he may have Dyspraxia, then maybe you should research the condition & investigate & ask for the teachers support in doing this, as if he does possibly have this then there is help out there. My son was exactly the same at nursery & I felt exactly the same & of the same opinion as you & others but surely the teacher has seen this before. Im no expert but my advice would be to get your child assessed when at the age he can be & in n the mean time carryu on as normal. It maybe that your child does not have Dyspraxia but if he has then as a parent it is your responsibility to help find out & get him all the help he needs if he has got it. It could be however that he is too young to be assessed. My son was assesed in Reception & got statement in year 1. He has had occupational thereapy, speech thereapy & physiontheraphy which has helped him greatly. He has improved so much & most people who meet him dont recognise now that he has it due to the improvement he has made. Hope this has helped & good luck. Julia

thought I better mention that my son is now in year 4, so he has improved alot in a short period of time. Just wanted to also add again to try not to worry & you know your son the best. Again good luck....

Thanks Julia for your support. I am actually an early years teacher and was a SEN co ordinator myself so you would think that I would have had some thoughts that my son maybe displayed these traits before being told about them, but I didn't. I have worked with dyspraxic children but they were the other end of the spectrum with complex needs and lots of support. My son just seemed a little quirky to me. Sometimes you don't see it because you are too close. I have spent all my time since parents evening reading about dyspraxia and I will push for an early assessment if that is what is needed. I really value the fact that I can post on a forum and get such experienced feedback instantly. Thank you.

Padua, I think a lot of the children I see professionally are quirky too, and are great characters. The inportant thing is if your son is being held back in some area of his development then he needs help, but if not, enjoy is individuality!

BTW, my DD is quite manic at times, and I keep expecting school to ask me to get her checked out! Its always difficult to be objective about your own child I think.

hope all goes ok for you & your son Padua.. Julia

Well I went to the GP and he made my DS clap,jump about,draw circles and crosses and answer comprehension questions about a story book. All these he managed reasonably well but then he was asked to stand on one leg and he fell in a heap. He tired of it all at that point and told the doctor to Sh! The GP is taking a "wait and see" approach for the next 3-4 months. I decided to start taking him to a structured gym tots class and although we have only been once it was quite apparent that he has some coordination issues and doesn't seem to be able to focus on the teacher's instructions for very long. He is becoming quite aware of things he finds difficult to do and is beginning to opt out.

Oh Padua, its so sad that your son is already starting to opt out. He's only 3 - I wouldnt label a child at that age, please dont tell him he has a condition or anything like that.

He sounds very bright, unfortunately theyre oftwen the ones who noticwe that others can do some things he cant.

The gym group is a great idea, as long as it stays fun, and they dont jkust do things he finds hard.

What does he like doing, and what is he good at? The quickest way to boost a child's self esteem is to let them know that what they can do is very important.

Dont forget as well, that in another country, he wouldnt be expected to do half the things we expect our children to do at this age. There is so much pressure to hit educational milestones that seem to have been invented for the benefit of this government rather than because they help chikdren.

We push our children to read and write earlier than just about any other Western country, yet we have the worst results.

Doesnt anyone realise that perhaps pushing them even earlier isnt the answer?

(Sorry, rant over, I know it doesnt help you at all.)

But try to focus on the positive, while gently offering your son opportunities to develop his skills, and you will both be much happier.

Let us know how he gets on.

x

ds opted out at that age - playdough, arts and crafts, physical activities etc. he loved books and was allowed at preshcool to sit in the corner rather than actively participate. If I had realised I think I'd have made more effort to do very simple versions at home (away from the scrutiny of other children who find it easy) and be more insistent with the preschool not to let him opt out so readily. As it is it was only when his younger sister started to do such things that he more naturally developed an interest.

Other things to look out for are a lack of hand dominance, difficulty coordinating scissors and cutting, seeming disorganised or slow with thinsg like self dressing, always running not being able to walk slowly and balance confidently. These might start to be more evident over the next few months.

hth

Hi Lizs, the things you mention to look out for are an issue. He gets very frustrated using scissors and often attempts to use two hands. We are just about getting there with putting socks and pants on but it is painful to watch. I have purchased "Write from the Start" (The Teodorescu Perceptuo-Motor Programme) to develop his fine motor skills but I have to be really careful about how we introduce it, as Fubsy said it has to be seen to be fun. I am feeling quite down about it all at the moment. My partner says he is not going to get bothered about it and what will be will be, but for me as a teacher I know full well what can often happen to children who lack these skills. I have noticed in my DS's classroom that he doesn't have any work displayed anywhere in the room. His teacher made a telling comment on parents evening when she said "he doesn't seem to need anyone else and will sit quite absorbed in a toy or book". I think he is being allowed to opt out of various activities. I am going to request a meeting with the nursery staff and gain their assurance that he is going to be encouraged and supported to join in fine motor skill activities.

If the nursery staff think he may have problems they should be working with you to help him. If he is having difficulties with motor skills then it might be worth asking for an IEP to be written for him. These set out a couple of targets for him to achieve and state how the staff will be working with your ds to achieve them.

My ds1 has a diagnosis of autism but also meets nearly all the criteria for dyspraxia. He's made a lot of progress over the past few years (he is now 7)thanks to the help he has had with IEPs etc.

Madelaine Portwood's book "Developmental Dyspraxia - Identification and Intervention" has a lot of useful ideas about things to try, and also has a chapter about pre-school age children. I borrowed my copy from the library so it may also be available at your local one too.

Cant the nursery put some of his work on display regardless of the "standard"? Surely its aboutshowing everyones best attempts, not just showing off the most talented in the eyes of the teachers.

Ive known parents who took their children out of schools for that sort of thing.

If they cant encourage a child to have a go at three, when can they?

Lots of children find scissors difficult. It can take a while to get used to things like that. If he's trying to use 2 hands, maybe he lacks the control yet. Try letting him play with dough, rolling and shaping, and encourage him to use both hands whenever possible.

He really is young. Im not an OT, but I suspect its a bit early to be pushing Teodorescue.

Im not saying he definitely hasnt got dyspraxia, without seeing him that would be impossible. I just think it is too soon to stick a label on him. And I am so sorry that you are so worried already.

Is he very weak and wobbly? If so, he needs to build up strength in order to have the control over his hands and legs. Try getting him to do pushups against the wall, push against you, and walking on all fours or wheelbarrows.

But most of all, take him out and do normal things with him as a family and with other children!

About the scissor thing - my daughters nursery told me she was having difficulty with scissors. But they only had scissors with one finger holes - very difficult for a young child to control. I had a pair of Fiskars scissors at home - Tesco do similar, with one hole big enough for two or three fingers. They are much better. Bear in mind as well that he probably hasnt got a true hand dominance yet, which also makes it difficult.

Could you try to do as the GP said, wait and see for a few months, then if you are still worried, ask for a referral to OT/Physio? They and a paediatrician are the ones who should be telling you if your son has a physical problem, not a nursery.

Hi Fubsy, I know you think I'm jumping the gun a little. It is just hard to sit and wait if you think you can do extra to help. We are doing all the normal stuff that families do and I'm trying to do lots of "hands on" activities at home without it being too forced... but I hear what you say. I just don't ever want to look back and think I didn't do enough to help him.
You asked if he is weak and he isn't if it is something he is interested in, in fact it is the opposite and he often uses too much force. He will go floppy,wobbly and switch off if he is asked to do something he obviously finds challenging or isn't bothered about.
The odd thing is the variability, at times he is able to do things and then at others it is as if he has never done it before.

As you said it is the paediatrician who ultimately will confirm or deny any difficulties. The doctor said they wouldn't say "dyspraxia" anyway only that he may need some support with coodination. In a way I would like the nursery to know that as I feel they have labelled him amongst themselves already.

Wow - some good advice here - Many thanks. I'm in exactly the same position as you Padua. Ds1's playgroup have sent a letter home reccommending a SEN assessment. He's not yet 3! I'm not discounting there's something wrong - lack of eye contact, speech, lack of attention, etc - am I wrong in thinking it's too early? It's so upsetting. I feel that what was formerly considered quirky or eccentric is now immediately seen as a syndrome with intervention required.

Pinktoothbrush - I would not say 2 is too young to get assessed. If your DS has developmental delays now, an assessment might allow him access to professional help that would give him the chance to make good progress before school starts.

DD1 is currently undergoing her assessment (I suspect dyspraxia is the cause of her problems). She's nearly 3 and my HV wanted to refer her 15 months ago but I held back. With hindsight I wish I'd allowed them to assess her earlier as shes getting more and more behind in her speech. And I was terrified before the assessment took place but now we're in the middle of it, there's something reassuring about all these professionals taking such an interest in DD1.

Hi pinktoothbrush. I'm sorry you too are in the same boat. I know exactly how you are feeling. If I were to have the courage of my convictions I would say leave them alone and let them enjoy their early years without being prodded, poked and assessed by all and sundry. (but I'd have to move to Denmark or Finland or send him to a Steiner school.) In our schools there is an obsession with children reading, writing and standing on their head at 3. We even have a curriculum from birth now.
A lot of staff are keen to spot "spectrum" disorders but then find they can't fulfil the IEP they wrote because they don't have any help. So many times I have heard teachers say "Well I would have done his motor skills activities if I didn't have 29 other children in the class." In my authority only the really complex needs receive statements so if a child displays mild difficulties then the school has to fund it out of their own budget. At this point you are at the mercy of your school, their inclusion policy, skilled staff, class sizes etc etc
Sorry I'm having a rant!!
So I guess my feeling is that I want to be better informed if my DS is having difficulties then I can at least do all that is possible at home to help and make a reallly informed choice about which school has the right attitude and resources to support his needs.

Hi Padua. Dont worry, I know where youre coming from. And I agree with your last post.

Not all children are the same. And having standards and changing teaching techniques on a monthly basis isnt going to change that.

david Beckham was verging on learning difficulties at school, and was almost certainly dyslexic. And look where he is now. Similarly, I know a number of doctors who are probably Aspergers, but if they werent as obsessive and single minded as they are, they wouldnt be the specialists they are.

We need variety, and I wish we didnt have to label everybody until they achieve this mythical norm.

I dont know a great deal about Stiener schools, but sometimes I see a child and think "If only they could have a different approach to learning". Therapy can help children with "dyspraxia" or whatever it getd called each time, but eventually its the child's educatuion and family that will make the real difference.

Good luck and I hope you get some reassurance soon.