Hi,looking for advice regarding my 9 year son who yesterday hit and apparently punched a girl in the stomach at school.
I think background is needed so we also have an older son 13 who has severe autism and non verbal which I think may be relavant.
So back when my son started nursery at 3 he was very shy little boy who didn’t seem to make friends easily and nursery referred him to be tested for autism but the outcome then was no he was just shy and possibly anxious.he was very clingy and always cried when I dropped him off.
Then he started school and it like a switch flipped,he thrived in the school environment and routine,made lots of friends and loved school.
The concerns around autism were still there and becoming more apparent,obsessional with his interests and often quirky interests,literal thinking,very much a rule follower.
He was assessed again and told there was not enough traits for a diagnosis.
He is very different to other typical boys,he loves Disney princess,when younger he liked to dress up as Elsa from frozen.
Even now his interests are Barbie,monster high dolls,I guess you could say toys that you typically associate with girls.
So fast forward to now and since he went back to school mid-March after lockdown,he’s been really unsettled.
Coming out of school everyday saying kids are saying nasty things to him especially around him playing with dolls,saying he shouldn’t play with dolls if he’s a boy.
So I contacted his teacher after Easter holidays to ask if she noticed him being unsettled and that he’s been telling me kids are bullying him.
Her response was yes he was unsettled but she had not witnessed any bullying.
Then about a week later I picked him up early from school as he had rash and briefly saw the head teacher and told him he’s been really unsettled and felt he was being bullied and was told they’ll keep an eye on it.
Then today,walking to school this morning,I was approached by a parent with her daughter asking if I was aware that my son had hit punched her daughter in the stomach yesterday.
Tbh I was stunned,I have never witnessed my son being violent towards anyone.
I feel like the bullying at school has got so bad now that he is lashing out.
I’m no way condoning what he did(and I’ve talked to him about wrong it is) but I feel like he must have been provoked in some way to act like this.
I think he’s having a hard time at school feeling he doesn’t fit in and he’s told me he feels different and that people don’t understand him(his words).
Our family has been through a lot over the last couple of years as our eldest son needs so much care and we’ve struggled handling behavioural issues with him.
My youngest does have a lot to deal with at home as he witnesses his eldest brother having horrendous meltdowns.
I think he often feels left out as our eldest needs so much of our time and attention.
Anyway I’ve called school today to find out exactly what is going on as I was unaware this had even happened,I think the school should have contacted me yesterday about this incident.
Apparently the head is very busy but they will contact me on Monday.
I’ve been running everything through in my mind all day and feel like I’ve failed as a parent in some way.
I have social anxiety and being approached by the parent this morning has tipped me over the edge and I’ve cried on and off all day.
Does anyone have any words of advice or been through anything similar?
Thanks for reading if you’ve got this far!