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Help with advise for y8 ds

5 replies

Gardentime123 · 08/04/2021 17:06

Hi just wondering if anyone has any advice for us please. Sorry if this is really long. Our son has always had some struggles mostly social a bit behind academically but not loads. No diagnosis normal school. Been wondering if he has autism for a while. Once he started secondary things have fallen apart. He hasn’t made any friends and we have started diagnosis for autism as he has bad anxiety and either doesn’t make it to school and spends two days hardly eating sleeping getting over the massive stress he gets himself into or goes in really suffers and comes out very quiet moody teary. He won’t eat or use toilet at school. There are other things that make me think autism but I’ll keep it about school for this thread. School has noticed and he has a quiet room he can go to but he’s there all the time and doesn’t go to lessons. The school has said he can’t do this indefinitely. He has missed lots of days off as he is in such a state I can’t force him to go in. We have been accepted for autism assessment but this could be years. During lockdown it is the happiest I’ve seen him and my heart sank when I heard they were going back. We had arrange for him to go through a quiet entrance and go straight to the quiet room once he went back after lockdown but he got in such a state he was suicidal and tried to hurt himself saying he wish he was dead. Obviously called drs, got crisis team and informed school. He’s never done anything like this before and said it was because he can’t go back to school. He is on urgent waiting list for mental health team from drs. Since then he hasn’t been back to school. School have suggested a special school for him but we need a referral from cahms but he’s not under them yet still on a waiting list and no autism diagnosis yet so we are stuck. School are obviously wanted to get something sorted with him and think this school will help him but cahms are not writing us the letter. The school has said they have done everything they can for him and there hands are tied with anything else. He gets in such a stress if we try and say let’s try half a day etc. Not naughty, “I’m not going in” but just sheer panic attack. He has worked the whole time he’s been off as school is still putting all work on computer. At this rate I can’t see how we’re going to get him back longterm in something that would work for him. We keep trying to get advice but keep hitting dead ends.This is all new to us and any info or advice would be very gratefully received. We’re not sure if there is more we can do ourselves apply for things etc? We can not afford homeschooling sadly otherwise I would do that. Thank you very much.

OP posts:
10brokengreenbottles · 08/04/2021 19:19

If DS can not attend school because of his mental health the LA have a statutory duty to provide education - this could be home tutoring, online, hospital school or small group tuition. This duty starts from when it becomes clear the absence will be for more than 15 days. For long term conditions the 15 days does not need to be consecutive.

Ask the LA for medical needs EOTAS tuition. If they refuse, complain and inform them if they don't you will begin Judicial Review proceedings. The guidance specifically states providing suitable education should not be delayed because evidence from a consultant isn't quickly available (paragraph 12).

Does DS have an EHCP? Your post suggests he doesn't, but then you mention special school. It is very unusual to secure a special school place without an EHCP, but you don't need a referral from CAMHS. If DS doesn't have an EHCP you should apply for one. IPSEA have a model letter you can use here. If DS does have an EHCP you should request an early review or reassessment of needs.

Whatever you do, don't deregister and electively home educate DS. It is much easier to get support when on a school roll.

Chase CAMHS. Also, apply for DLA if you don't already receive it.

Gardentime123 · 08/04/2021 19:36

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer some fantastic information, we are in the process of trying for a EHCP for him. Everything has taken such a bad tumble so quickly we are trying to keep up and learn all we can. All the procedures and rules are confusing. I feel like I’m failing my son and it’s horrible not to knowing what to do. Will go through this post now in detail with my husband, it has more sense than countless phone calls to various “helplines” thank you very much, much appreciated :)

OP posts:
Dancingbea · 08/04/2021 19:45

I don’t have any advice just that my son has faced very similar difficulties and in recent weeks has also refused school. (Year 10). Wishing you all the best and there are plenty of posters with great knowledge here. LA tutors should definitely be a a possibility and I know a kid who has thrived like that.

10brokengreenbottles · 08/04/2021 19:59

Where are you in the EHCP process? Are the LA sticking to the timescales?

IPSEA and SOSSEN's websites are helpful and they both have advice lines. If you have been in touch with your local SENDIAS be careful, some are brilliant, but some are appalling, and they receive LA funding so will ultimately toe the party line.

Ellie56 · 08/04/2021 21:11

The fact that your child is struggling to attend school is a clear indication of unmet needs.

Have you already put in your request for an EHC Needs assessment?

Information here:

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