Is it normal to see professionals as a lifeline?

[daisy5678]

Am single mum to son who is 6 and has diagnosis of ADHD, sensory processing dysfunction and high-functioning autism.

Ds has been seen by so many people over the last 3 years and most have been good on the whole, but atm his psychiatrist and teacher are being so helpful and supportive and ds is being so horrific with his obsessions and meltdowns that I'm relying on them a bit much to offload.

It's not that I have no friends - I do have friends, and most are very good about listening to me rant about his statement or whatever, but they don't get it like his lovely psych and teacher.

I nearly sobbed all over his teacher last week when she caught me before school and said how hard work he was at the moment and how much hard work it must be at home...then felt v embarrassed and scuttled off to work cos if she gave me half a chance I'd sob forever!

My friend reckons it's cos my mum's so cr@p and the psych and the teacher are her age ish pstchobabble not really helpful...I think it's just because they understand it more and my friends can't quite do that and I know I can get boooorrrrrring going on!

So anyone else feel that 'nobody understands' like random professionals who aren;t even friends, or is it just me?

I so agree, ds has a new OT and like everyone else I get really aprehensive about having a new anything. But, she is the greatest thing since sliced bread imo (at the moment! )

I so agree, ds has a new OT and like everyone else I get really aprehensive about having a new anything. But, she is the greatest thing since sliced bread imo (at the moment! )

I have felt like this about some professionals, mostly that I feel I can TRUST them. And not about others although I always understand that I could be wrong.... not usually! I think its perfectly OK to do and could help you in the long term as well as the short term..... people need to know the reality of your situation, it has certainly helped me to be like this over a long time and not just to suddenly come out with things years later.

It's having someone who 'gets it' isn't it? I bumped into ds1's teacher today in a clothes shop in town. She spends her life with severely autistic kids so completely understands iykwim and I'm sure I kept her talking for too long Like noddy-no-mates. But she 'got' what I was saying. Which was nice.

So nice to know I'm not weird. Thanks for responding!

I guess the psych sees kids like him all the time so that's why she 'gets' it. And ds is in mainstream, and I know that poor teacher's had nobody like him before, but she 'gets it' because she is forced to spend all day with him 5 days a week and gets punched and scratched (and hugged and kissed) by ds, just like I do, so I guess she 'gets' it because she's had an even steeper learning curve than I have.

Maybe I should set up a boot camp type thing for my friends where they have to spend a week with him,and maybe they'd 'get it' then a bit more and I'd be able to talk to them about my life and know that THEY got it...cos I know they WANT to, but they can't!

I like the boot camp idea...bet I could make a fortune...

yeah but make sure you leave them to it...., If you're there taking responsibility they'll be gassing, imagining they're helping and still not getting it

sort of along the same lines, when I was seeing a psychologist for my OCD, I felt a bit dependent on him, as he was the only person in my life who really understood my problems iyswim. Talking to someone with all the right knowledge just saves som much stress.

Total chaos, you've kind of hit the nail on the head. I don't want to get dependant on either of them, but worry I am, cos there's no point getting depdendent on someone who's A) only interested because it's their job to be and B) won't be around for long...the teacher anyway cos he moves class next year. Minds you, the psych did comment that she was glad ds liked her (he told her she was lovely) as she reckons they'll be seeing a lot of him over the years!

But yeah...don't want to get too dependent...glad I ran off from teacher and will continue to do so!

stressy, I felt that way recently about the people from borough that come to help my Ds. I felt like a weight had lifted -like I wasn't solely responsible for Ds progress and well being. They seemed nice but inexperienced. Now I'm not even sure they ARE on our side which has come out this week- more interested in what looks good for them rather than what's best for my Ds which surprised me because I thought they were nice. Then it is their job and they have got to think about budgets, targets, funding and producing results.

I dont see the problem with crying to the teacher as long as you dont phone her when your ds is having a meltdown at 2am in the morning!

IMHO I would take the support where you can get it but remember that they are doing their jobs (unless they are particularly nice and have a personal interest).

Have you thought about joining a support group where you could meet other mums that may understand what you are going through.

Can you imagine?! (phoning the teacher thing, I mean)

I agree with you about it coming down to evidencing their jobs.

I have been to a support group for ADHD, but it seemed so unproductive; it just got me more and more angry about how much we have to fight for. It came down to everyone talking about how they'd been turned down for ststements and how Social Services were useless. I was repeatedly told how lucky my son was for having a full time statement and I ended up feeling mean for having more than they did!

The other group I belong to is a bit more militant - we go to education meetings and ask them to justify their SEN policies. I haven't yet tried an autism group because that diagnosis is really recent (and came as a shock) but that might be a good plan, thanks.

Well stressy there is always mumsnet as well- always someone here who knows/can empathise with what your going through.

That is true!

Staryeyed is right. I agree with trusting them and respecting them BUT be aware that it is their job. Some will come through, particularly the non-LEA ones. I have known some professionals for years and have built up good (and useful) relationships.

Made some great mistakes trusting so called "professionals" and in my opinion we might tend to see them as a lifeline because we arent empowered ourselves or because what we are facing is new to us and often so confusing.

beware. I trusted a few people only to have what I said slammed back in my face when it came time for tribunals and appeals, etc.

at the end of it all, they have their jobs to protect and their relationship with you may or may not be purely a "business" one. Not to say there arent some fine people out there, but as a parent it is our duty to learn all we can and take the power of knowledge about the system and our own children's difficulties away from just the "professionals" so that inevitably when they are not there, we can stand on our own two feet.

time is a great teacher. I too felt i relied on these people at the beginning. That lasted about 2 months when i realised that if i wanted something done for my child, it was really up to me.

you may be lucky with the people you have, i certainly was not. If it was up to them, my boy would have been on drugs and in a residential school.