Autism. Violent behaviour. Repetitive thoughts

[Joesmum1981]

Hi
My DS is nearly 18. He was diagnosed with autism aged 13 which coincided with the start of violent behaviour to me and my husband -mainly due to how he felt he was treated at school by teachers and pupils.

Camhs weren’t particularly helpful until my GP got involved as I was covered in bruises when I went to see him. School got social services involved as he threatened to kill me. Camhs put him on medication but said they couldn’t do anything else. Social services said that we were doing all the right things and gave no help but just increased stress levels of the whole family.

He’s now moved on to college but he keeps going back to how he was badly treated at school. He wakes us in the middle of the night to complain. He goes on and on. It’s got to the stage that I want to walk out. His arguments are so illogical but it is dangerous to challenge him. Does anyone know how I can stop him complaining about things that happened over two years ago. We try and be empathetic whilst non commital but I have no idea how to move him on.

Our son used to be like this, regularly resurrecting things that had happened at school 15 years earlier. "Why did Mrs M shout at me?" Why was So and So mean to me?" etc etc.

When he was 19 as a result of other problems, he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and he was referred for CBT. We had to wait ages for someone who was experienced with young people with autism, but the lovely lady who eventually saw him managed to address these issues along with some bizarre behaviours that had been entrenched since he was a small child.

I've no idea how she did it, but we haven't had any issues since and he's nearly 26 now.

Does your son have an EHCP?

Thanks It is good to know it improves!

Yes he has an EHCp but it doesn’t address any of these issues. He doesn’t want to engage with any therapists either.

It’s so hard as he is adamant that he should really be on some elite course at 6th form but realistically he has learning difficulties but he cannot see that.
I think lockdown has been so hard on all of us as we’ve had no respite from him. And he has been bored and had time to dwell on perceived injustices. Usually pre covid I have taken the younger kids away for a few days regularly so we could all relax.
I’ve hsd another hour of him moaning tonight and all I’ve wanted to do is walk out and drive a long way away.

Sounds like the EHCP needs reviewing. All of your sons should be in there with provision to meet them.

Did he go to a special needs school? if he has a learning disability (not just learning difficulties) then the adults learning disability team could support you. They are a team of psychiatrists, learning disability nurses, psychologists, OT’s and SALT. They will give both you and him the strategy to be able to
move on from OCD thoughts. He will
Need to consent to early intervention though. With those with autism it helps to know what is in it for them so it may helpful to highlight what he will get out of engaging with services
Sadly, if he is had high functioning autism then he comes under adult MH services and they are not very helpful or knowledgeable with autism.
I know it’s hard but you may want to think about requesting a Care Act assessment from adult social care to consider supportive living services. The whole family may have a better quality of life with him living locally but away from home.

@Leobynature

Thanks for all your comments.
He was at mainstream school but in the bottom groups for everything and now is doing a foundation course st college.

It will sound stupid but I am not sure of the difference between learning disability and learning difficulties. He had an IQ test when he was about 5 as part of the then statementing process. I think it was about 70 but the EP said it was hard to be accurate because of his very spiky profile.

When social services were involved they tried getting him on children with disabilities team but they said he didn’t meet criteria. So I am doubtful that adult social care would take him on. If he went into supported living who would fund it? He does get PIP but only because years ago the paediatrician said we should claim DLA. By the time they got to move him onto PIP covid had happened so it was done by phone. So I am not sure how long he will get it for in the future.

He really doesn’t want to engage with anyone though. And he can’t admit his difficulties academically.

It doesn’t help that his younger twin siblings are very academic and so he gets upset at that. Although we take pains not to praise them in front of him.

We’ve got to this awful situation where we can’t be honest with him as he would get so angry - eg can’t go and do A levels. We never know what will set him off. Spent half of mother’s day in the car because he lost it and instead of a lovely mother’s day meal I had to take the twins to McDonald’s

They understand but equally are resentful. I don’t know what to do. We live in a state of constant alert. Ready to flee the house at a moments notice