Sobbing at school

[Nodancingshoes]

My Ds10 is not diagnosed but strongly suspect asd, spd. He struggles academically and is under the Senco at school, uses clicker, needs help to organise himself etc...Before xmas he started crying at school, faking tummy ache to get sent home, generally being beside himself at school and not wanting to go. After ruling out any medical problems (trip to the doctors and hospital with suspected appendicitis) I decided I couldn't keep picking him up early and the school agreed with me that it wasn't going to solve anything. First day back and had a phone call to say hes sobbing and has a headache. I just dont know what to do anymore. The school.want me to tell them what to do but I dont know what to do!!! Weve ruled out bullying (he has lots of friends and he says it's not that). Anyone else had this? I wonder if it's that the gap has got bigger between him and the others academically and he notices more but school say they dont think it is that...

Hes been crying off and on all evening, begging me to stay home tomorrow. I've told him he has to go - is this the right thing to do?

It is anxiety, speak to the school as they will
need to put in support for him. Have they referred him for assessment for ASD? There has been so much change this year for children and children on the ASD spectrum often find transition and change difficult. Have you talked to him about what is worrying him, he might be able to articulate some of what he is finding difficult about being in school which might help you plan how to best help him. Was there something before Christmas that triggered this? Keeping him out of school is not a long term solution as then there is no way for him to develop coping strategies and he will miss out on peer interaction and education, but there might be a middle way of easing him back in.

Thank you. This is my thinking too. I will ask the SENCO about a referral- I gave been unable to get an appointment myself, it's like banging my head against a brick wall. He says it's too loud in the classroom. Before xmas schools solution was to send him home until I said I wasn't going to do that anymore. Dreading him waking up tbh 😢

Sounds like anxiety to me too. This is not to say he is faking a stomach ache or headache etc but that the cause is stress rather than an illness. ds2 had the same at a very similar age.

Contrary, to what the school has said I do think that at this age they do suddenly become aware of the difference between themselves and their NT peers (ds2 was if anything ahead academically but socially way behind his peers). It is also an age at which kids want to fit in with their peers and become quite intolerant of difference so ds2 was left very isolated which had not been so apparent at a younger age.

What support is he getting at school - not just academically - but socially to help him fit in or cope with the sensory load of the classroom? One of the interventions that helped (a bit) for ds2 was a small lunchtime club which helped him have at least a little social contact in a sheltered environment. He came home for lunch at one stage as lunchtimes were very stressful for him which in one way was good because he was able to relax for an hour before the afternoon lessons but on the other side probably did not help with the isolation. The school could also look at how to reduce sensory overload - we find that when my ds's are stressed their ability to cope with touch and sound is very much decreased but there are things school can do to help e.g. ds2's group worked on a table outside of the classroom in noisy sessions, his normal seat was right at the back of the classroom which was the quietest spot and meant no-one had to brush past him, he was given an alternative activity for lessons he found particularly challenging such as music etc etc . A first step might be to ask school to call in an educational psychologist to observe your ds in the classroom and suggest interventions that might help.

Thank you @OneInEight
I have a SEND meeting tomorrow so have written everything down so I dont forget anything. Im just going to get it all out amd see what we can do to make life easier for him. He has been a little better since Tuesday thank goodness.