I can’t take it anymore

[Lolly2803]

Does anyone else some days just feel like they can’t take anymore? I keep imagining when I’m driving just swerving into a tree to give myself a break from my life.
I know people have it much worse than me I’m sure but I just am so fed up.

I’m so sorry that you feel this way. Have you spoken to anybody in real life about how you are feeling?

Sort of but what can they do? Nothing.

Yes I have - it's just so relentless and I feel that no one outside the family can really understand what it's like so what's the point in talking about it ?!

However there are good days and bad days and tomorrow could always be a better day... have to keep hanging on in there. Have your DC been off school?

They are all too young for school. I have twins who are 3yrs 8 months and a 21 month old. My twins have ASD. One very high functioning and very manageable. The other an absolute nightmare. Either sweetest possible child. Or smashing the house up, kicking me and her bed and hitting and screaming. Up all night then wakes everyone up. I just can’t take it anymore.

@Lolly2803

So sorry you're going through this. Try contacting these:

contact.org.uk/advice-and-support/social-care/

www.carersuk.org/home

I am so sorry to hear that things are so tough. Unless you have lived through it, people can not imagine how tough it is. At the schools I have worked at we take children from 2 year 9 months. It might be worth investigating whether there is somewhere that offers similar near you.

Do you have any support through the health visitor, social services, etc.

All parents need respite and for those who need it the most it can be the hardest to get.

As lori says, it’s a good idea to speak to your GP, HV or a social worker. Even NT twins are very hard work and with autism and a younger child to contend with I’m not surprised you are at breaking point.

It sounds really tough and I hope you can get some help. Have you looked at any preschools for the twins?

Yes, almost each day recently. Dd is not in school as she can no longer cope and things are very intense/aggressive. I’m so tired and so is H - he is also struggling to work from home but can’t work in the office as Dd has become too much for me on my own unfortunately - taller, stronger, aggressive, tries to run out of the house etc. Very anxious.

OP - hugest of hugs to you. Reach out for help or have you any support bubble? Have u tried anti-depressants/anxiety meds?
I know so many Mums of SEN little ones who are on Citalopram or Sertraline!

I’m speaking with the Drs again to see if there is anything else we can try for the sleep. I don’t know how we can be expected to funcstion every day with such bad sleep. It’s just not sustainable for us or for her. It’s like she wants to get back to sleep but can’t and then she’ll hit and kick us in the night as we have to bring her into our room to stop her waking our other two children. Last few days her meltdowns have decreased actually but always on the edge at the end of the day as she’s so tired. Or on a walk she might decide to especially if she’s tired. Just constantly on edge. It’s so hard isn’t it and so lonely. I have thought about taking something but I’m not sure I’m actually depressed. Certainly not every single day anyway. Definitely some days.

I’ve been where you are, I thought it was going to break me.
I echo what@Ellie56 says, I also found Scope to be very helpful, it is also worth looking out for small local charities, they often know how the local authorities operate and options for respite.
I would contact your local social services disabilities team to exercise your right to a assessment for your children. You may get some respite care through this, you really have to stress with them that your struggling or they will try and fob you off.
I was also constantly on edge, was prescribed beta blockers, they help but not a panacea.

It’s a lonely place to be, I hope you get the support you need.

I had the same thoughts as you beginning of February. What would happen if I just crashed into a tree, fell down the stairs, drove away and left. I would cry at the smallest thing and be angry at the smallest thing. I didn't want to get up because I didn't want the day to start. If you asked me at the time whether I was depressed I would have said no.

I'm now on medication and referral for CBT. I can see now that I was most definitely depressed and that I had been for many months. I'm not better now but I'm in a better place.

What you said really resonated with me because I've had those thoughts and feelings. I would really ask you to go and speak to your GP about how you're feeling.

No wise words but I know how you feel. I have an autistic 2.10 year old and a 7 month old baby. Everything is such hard work and I can't see any fun in the future. Ive seen friends/family this week with toddlers the same age as my son and those children v my son are now worlds apart 😓, has really hit me hard. I can barely manage to take both kids out alone.
I've also thought about driving in to a tree etc. But then worry I'd just be badly injured! I was driving over a bridge with a really full river a couple of weeks ago and thought hmm maybe drowning would be ok. I would never have imagined myself feeling like this. I'm wondering about getting anti depressants, but then think things are only going to get harder and maybe I should 'save' them. Though not sure if it really works like that. Hugs to you x

I am having good days and bad. And I’m trying to be positive as I know there is plenty to feel positive about but equally some days i am just a wreck and feel like the worst parent. Where abouts are you both? How old are you? I don’t have any friends who are in a similar situation so would be nice to have x

@Lolly2803 I've pm'd you