Asd regression or traits ramping up. And experience please?

[BuffyTheBuffetSlayer]

Hi, I have a beautiful DD (2.5yo) being assessed for ASD, we expect her diagnosis soon.

DD's autistic traits, although many, were mild signifying quite low on the spectrum.
We were advised placing her in a nursery with NT children would be good for her development but ended up pulling her out after a couple months because she wadnt coping and her behaviour became destructive and violent. It greatly improved after removing her.
However, since then, I guess the only way I can describe it is that her traits have gotten very severe. Where she could handle a change in routine it now has to be very rigid, she becomes very distressed (loses control, meltdown) if someone is there who normally isn't the tries to push them away while screaming (e.g. taking her to visit my parents, her dad is now furloughed and I asked him to help me to the car with her and her DSis and DD lost it because her ddad is not normally there) many many examples similar to this for all aspects. OCD off the charts now, wrong cutlery, coloured cup, constant need for cutlery hand hands to be washed. And now extreme meltdowns when her Dsis is in the same room.

Her autistic traits seem to be getting more extreme.

Is this a thing or am I going crazy?? I've got from on the fence about ASD to genuinely worried she can't cope with mainstream school (she is due to start school nursery soon).

This is all new to me, I dont know what to do so i guess I'm asking if my DD is spiraling, because that's the only way i know how to describe it, if it's normal for autistic traits to get worse over time, do children regress, and so potentially how bad? I was never worried before but I'm actually quite frightened about how fast she is changing.

I'm sorry if my ignorance offends, I really only know what is happening here. Is there anything I can do? My biggest fear is my DD grows up hating her little DSis.

Thankyou for reading

Regression is definitely a thing.

Our ds was developing 'normally' up until about 2.5, although now I look back it it there were definitely signs he was autistic. He lost all of his speech at around that age and his behaviour was very challenging. I remember describing it to someone that it was like he had absorbed all the information/experiences he could then decided he's had enough of it all.

He started to regain his speech at about 4 and his behaviour began improving as we got better at knowing what his triggers are and how to avoid them. We try to make the house as safe and low demand as possible.

Ds did manage to nursery with some difficulty, we got him an EHCP before he went to school. He went to a mainstream school for 2 years (he repeated reception) and we moved him to a specialist autism school at the end of last year.

He 7 now and such a different child from when he was 3/4. He's much happier and has far fewer meltdowns. He does go through phases now and again where his anxiety levels are high and his behaviour regresses a bit but never as much as that first regression.

Is DSis a baby? Because the arrival and then development of a sibling can really keep a toddler off balance (it's bad enough that they are there but then they keep changing). Obviously your dd has more than sibling rivalry going on but coping with a very young sibling can be hugely stressful - and stress can exacerbate autistic behaviours.

Thankyou @Porcupineintherough and @livpotter for replying, I'm really sorry it took so long to get back to the thread. Had a very difficult period with DD's behavior and night time waking on top of an assessment over due for uni, so it's been a bit crazy!

@livpotter I'm so sorry to hear about your DS's regression, that must've been so hard! Thankyou for sharing with me. Our DD, just after turning 1, had a sudden, almost overnight change in personality. It was quite frightening, I think because I didn't understand what happened and she eventually ended up in A&E having a number of tests and x-rays incase it was medical!! So I guess that could be her 1st regression?

Luckily her speech hasn't been affected, although the echolalia is off the chart! It can be so comical and adorable, but also worrying because sometimes rather than have a back and forth conversation she will repeat back what you say with no inkling of an understanding.

Unfortunately DD's 2nd regression happened last year but it never got better. So far this regression isn't as bad, but it is so reassuring again hearing it's possible for them to just have periods of high anxiety.

It's nice and reassuring to hear your DS is doing really well now. I never thought about specialist schools or anything until lately, because DD was always presenting as quite capable and social. I suppose I feel a bit overwhelmed that this is something I need to consider!

@Porcupineintherough thankyou too for replying. DD's little sister is 1.5yo so not a tiny baby and she just adores her big sister. DD's 1st big regression happened weeks before her sister was born and her 2nd there were no remarkable milestones with her sister. Their relationship has been ok until late last year but much worse recently which is upsetting. I'm hoping it's lockdown and spending too much time together!