Here we go again!

[bonkerz]

Those who know my story know i recently moved my DS from one school due to complete incometency on their part. Well we are now 8 weeks into school year at new school and DS is being excluded again. The new school are viewing the exclusions as positive as it will let the LEA know exactly how bad things are but still i have a 7 year old downstairs when he should be learning.
Was also told today that the head has told the LEA she cannot have DS long term as complaints are pouring in from other parents about the amount of disruption my ds is causing to their childrens learning. Feel very awkward now and also now understand why noone wants to talk to me and why im being treated like an outcast (you know the sideways looks and the eye contact avoidance thing!!)
Am looking at the school sin area which apparently cater for SN children and have also going to look at special schools but right now i feel low and my heart cannot take anymore!

Oh poor you. Do have a good look at the special schools- if there's one that's right for your ds it will be so much better for him and for you. Our life improved dramatically when ds1 moved to special school. Had loads of people telling me I didn't look ill anymore

Problem i have is DS is very clever. The schools locally that will cater for DS behaviour issues will not meet his needs academically and vice versa!! the only school that will meet DSs needs in both areas is the private one costing 60k a year and i dont think LEA will fund that!!!!

God Bonkerz thats awful. poor you and poor ds The school have a point though - exclusions are often the only way to make the LEA take notice. I can't remember whether they agreed to assess him or not.

It's a common problem. If there's no other suitable school except the 60K one then the LEA will HAVE to fund it (they fund more expensive schools than that for SN). The law is on your side there (although it will be a battle). Have you spoken to IPSEA?

Have spoken to IPSEA.

Currently we are 14th on list for full assessment at CAMHS. Pead will not diagnose as DS too complex! CAMHS cant see any quicker as DS not suicidal!

Assessment for statement is being done by Ed Psych on 13th and will go to panel on Dec 10th but head is saying even if full time support is issued she cannot have DS in school. She says she cannot possible meet his needs even with full time support!!!

Am going to ring case worker at LEA and see how she sees things and how we move on from here. Unfortunately i cannot sit back and let the exclusions happen without knowing we are planning for where he will go IYSWIM.

The diagnosis might not help if you have nowhere locally that can cope with cb's in academic kids anyway.

The key point to remember is that legally the LEA HAVE to provide your son with an education suitable to his needs. If the only option is a 60K school then they LEGALLY HAVE to pay it. Of course they'll try and get out of it, but do keep THEIR obligation in mind.

I would be very worried about the attitude of the head. It sounds like she doesn't want to even try to support ds. How does she know that fulltime1:1 wouldn't be enough. From what you've said before your ds is very like mine and fulltime 1:1 support made a world of difference to him. For one thing it means he's not so disruptive in the classroom as his TA's are good at keeping him him calm and on-task and if he has a wobble they take him out of the classroom and work with him in the pastural room. This couldn't happen without the level of support that ds gets.

So sorry you are going through this

thanks guys or should that be huns!
TBH it does feel like the head is resigned to the fact that DS wont be there for long. The PRU unit look like they make take him 4 mornings a week so he will have shared care with them and the school but im concerned this will add to DSs insecurity and play havoc with his routine etc not to mention new people and children which he really struggles with! Also im worried we will start at PRU and get a diagnosis and they will drop him(apparently they only work with children with behavioural problems and not children on autistic spectrum!) we fall between the gaps at moment as everyone agrees he is HFA but without diagnodid they treat him as behavioural problmes!!!(STUPID OR WHAT?)

Peadiatrician rang me and said i should maybe get a social worker! Does anyone have a social worker?> how would theye be able to help?

you would be lucky to get one. I had one for a few weeks then she was removed (and ds1 is going to need lifetime care, so will have a lifelong relationship with SS).

You could ring children's services or the children's disability team (not sure how that works without a dx) and enquire further, but SS ime are pretty much useless.

Sounds like you need the dx. SOmething like BIBIC might be worth a go. They don't diagnose but they can oush the local professionals to diagnose (and are very goood at doing so in the case of HFA). There are a number of people on SN with children with HFA who have used BIBIC in that way.

Bonkerz.

Is the expensive place good? If you are happy with it then I think you are in a very good position to force your LEA to pay for it. They won't want to, they will kick and scream and it is going to cost you money to prove your case but several things bode well (even though it all seems like crap at the mo).
Firstly the head has excluded him. Proof that two schools now have not 'coped'. (Frankley they don't sound as if they've made much effort but that's neither here nor there in your case). Keep all paper work and records of phone conversations.

Secondly the only other provision is the PRU which states they do not take ASD kids because that is a 'severe specific learning difficulty' and not 'behavioural' The peer group he may be mixing with there might also not be appropriate which would also be provable.

Thirdly the other provision in the area is not suitable due to his intellect - again an independent paed doing an IQ test will prove that and we came across a brilliant head of an mld school that the LEA tried to convince us was suitable who took one look at my son's paperwork and wrote a stonking letter to the LEA which we included in our bundle to SENDIST.

Your biggest weapon at the mo against the LEA is the fact that the headteacher has stated she cannot cope. Now they will kick and scream about paying out 60K a year but IF IT IS THE ONLY PROVISON SUITABLE AND YOU CAN PROVE IT then you've got your case.

You are in a horrible situation but I honestly think you have the groundwork and baseline to start your fight. It''s just so pissoffing that you and your son are going through this.

I've got to go and play cars with the small boy but I will email you some info.

All thes best. I found copious amounts of wine therapeutic. (still do come to that . . )

ok things are quite bad! picked DS up today and he had quite a good day, no restraining and only used the calm room once BUt he bought out a letter about a trip on 12th Decemebr and a note to see head before we go. Head has said she cannot take DS on trip without me but i dont know if i can get childcare for the day in order to go with him! Im annoyed im in this position seeing as the school know he needs support. What do i do? Am gonna ask dh if he can have day off but its unlikely. MIL works wednesdays and my friends who would have her work and go to college on this day! I feel like im being placed in a hoorid position as without me he cannot go and without the trip he is going to miss school and lots of things that will help with his topic and also feel left out!

dont know what to do! DH says he may get day opff but not certain and wont know till end of month if he can sort it. SAchool need to know asap about ds going on trip but i dont want to say yes and then cant go and like wise with no! can they make me go on the trip to escort ds when they KNOW he will need extra support that day?

I don't know if they can actually make you go, but I did start a thread a while back about my ds's school asking me to accompany my ds on a school trip even though he had a statement in place, and surprisingly it appeared it was relatively common for parents to be asked in these situations. So even when a child actually gets support in school the parents are still expected to help. What would happen if you just didn't turn up on the day? Do you think they would just send him home? I'm so sorry to hear about all of this bonkerz, you must be very stressed to say the least.

What a difficult situation for you! I dont know the answer to your question but I think it is that they can refuse to take your DS on the trip if they have safety concerns. This was our dilemma last few years and fortunatly I was able to juggle work etc to accompany DS on all but one school outing (the one he missed was a walk to church since he is like a toddler near traffic!). It has affected my employability!
I would go back to the headmistress armed with possible solutions (Ds missing school work etc)and see if they can come up with something. Sorry can,t help much but sending empathy and hug!

thanks for the replies. I really dont know how i can do this trip! I am going to say that maybe i should follow coach in my car and take DD as well then if DS does find it all too much atleast we could leave early. (day is 8.30 till 5.300 and i dont think he will be too happy about staying at this place for that long unless he can have alot of free time!!!

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough start to the new year and new school. Hope that you get support and find a solution which works for both you and your DS.

thanks, on a plus i have just recieved a triage apointment for CAMHS on 22nd nov so thats a step forward for now!

That's only two weeks away, great.
hang in there.

i know its 2 weeks away and thats a good thing. so scared though. everything depends on what CAMHS say. head thinks ds is displying some learned behaviour too which isnt surprising as no boundries were set at old school and ds was left to cause utter devestation rather than being restarined and moved to safe space. DS is a bright kids so i understnad he could use his problem to his advantage sometimes although head was quick to add she was certain there were underying issues and that she knows ds well enough now to spot the difference as he tends to turn out the lights when having a meltdown but is still switched on when its for attention IYSWIM.

HAve been told to start looking at special school which i am doing but wondered how far afield i should be looking. If i looked in all of leicester i would be travelling for over an hour for some of them and surely thats too far isnt it?

Hi sorry to hear about this. This just confirm my view that it seems much harder in some areas than other to get a diagnosis. I got one last Oct for my ds (AS and ADD) and he then started getting specific help for his problems at school. This came in the nick of time as he was starting to exhibit inappropriate behaviour more regularly. Once I got in to see the paed she gave us a diagnosis immediately so I just can't understand why you are having problems with this.

Sorry don't have anything helpful to say but really just wanted to add my support. Why does it have to be this hard to access the correct support for kids with SN? It is so shortsighted as intervention at the right time can make all the difference as to whether our kids will be able to live and work independently.

Will the school be represented at the meeting? If not, will they send something in writing to back you up? Two weeks is short enough to give you something to look forward to but hopefully also a long enough time period for you to be able to pull together any paperwork, jot down all the main points you want to make, etc. When I've had meetings in the past, if I don't write "examples" of behaviour ahead of time, I completely forget what I wanted to say! (although I have a mind like a sieve so maybe it's just me... )

1 hour - is that round trip or each way? 1 hour each way sounds a lot but then on the other hand if it's going to make life easier for your DS and you because it's the right school, then it might be worth considering.
Sorry, I can't offer much practical advice as I have not been down this route, just support.

I agree with chisgirl about writing examples down as I always forget in the stress of a meeting. I really hope it works out bonkerz.

Hi
School trip thing is a bugger but your idea of taking the car so you are with him but not with him (iyswim) is really good. It does sound as though the head teacher is getting a handle on your son and can differentiate between his meltdowns and 'wind ups' so they may be on the road to being able to cope better with him????? (she types hopefully). You might find that this year is going to be very rocky but things will improve moving forward.

Re the special schools and distances all I can go on is that if you don't want him to board (he's still very young isn't he?)then an hour each way is just about do able but not much more. My son's journey is an hour by taxi each way but sometimes due to traffic and other pick-ups and put downs it is longer and a couple of times it has been totally unreasonable (7.00pm one day ). The LEA would, however, rather pay for taxi than boarding. We looked into boarding and my son was up for it but I'm really glad he isn't now - I'd miss him too much and as he sagely points out I wouldn't have anyone to unload the dishwasher . Good luck - great news about the 22nd. Will keep everything crossed . . .

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