I wish I had these worries...

[mm22bys]

I am sorry, I don't know if this is acceptable or not (and won't do it again if it isn't), but I am sure we all on here wish we just had these "worries"!

here

The overtone was fine- if OP had put (sorry mm22bys should use your name! Op sounds mean) i find it ahrd to deal with... then poeple (me anyhow) woudl have found it easier to be sympathetic? But then I am really thinking how much I'd feel stung if I had a thread of mine linked to like that- and I am a sensitive little bunny . People (me as much as anyone) often forget that the person on the PC has a completely different life or outlook than them and it has to be rememberd that feelings can be hurt far more easily than face to face, iyswim?

SN for Sn, but health is a free for all and should be! i've seen threads in the past when DS1 has been on meltdown saying 'my LO has a cold should I see GP' and thought- I wish! but that doesnt lessen other peoles worries

(and sorry mm22bys not really about your thread- this is a discussion thats been ongoing in one way or another for years! Please dont think am getting at you- not at all, have read your threads and have much sympathy with your POV and situation at the moment).

I've felt a bit upset lately at the everyday teenage worries some of my friends have but ultimately I'm pleased that a) they don't have the life and death stuff to deal with and b) that I don't sweat the small stuff so much these days

The other thing I suppose is you dont know what else is going on with a poster- for example, its something i've seen a few times on the PG threads (mainly when we were finding it hard to TTC this baby)- someone announces a pg or states a worry- sometimes potentiallys evere such as raised bp- and someone else comes along and says 'you're lucky i'd be happy to have that'- I had that aimed at me when I had the HG actually. presumably poster didnt know that I was trying to cope with HG, the boys and DH's situation that I mentioned on TR, but it made it hard for me to ask for help again.

ah I've made that mistake as well in the past mb. It does take a while to learn to apply the brakes before posting, and some days are so shit it is really really hard to stop.

It's why I never went to toddler groups with ds2 and ds3. My mouth got stuck in 'false smile' & I couldn't say anything about my life because it is so alien to most.

I did try hosting one coffee morning when I had ds3, and cancelled the next one before it was held the first one depressed me so much. PMSL. (And one of the attendees started to slag off kids with SN so it was rather embarrassing all round).

But you know it's nice, really, that some people apparently have relatively uncluttered lives - I wouldn't wish serious problems on anyone and as has already been stated, there's no way to measure how big any given problem might feel to an individual. I'm not really prone to worrying myself and maybe that helps when something really serious comes along, it must be horrible to get so anxious about every minor anomaly in your children.

this thread has made me think of a thread I saw a while back. it was along the lines of your greatest fear fro your dc. I didn't post or read the whole thread as all i could think of was that mine was dd dying. going in in the morning and finding her. as this happened with her dear friend last year.
I have learnt to ignore threads and lol at my self but it has taken a bloody long time.

this is quite a good site, usually get one each week.
XX-P8-PN will get you £6 off of a £60 shop, expiry 11/11/07

Please ignore my last post, not sure what happened there! Was posting on a thread about Tesco codes and it added on to here!

yes 2 shoes, you have to learn to wothdraw a bit don't you? your concern would obviously be huger than mine- that ds1 and ds3 will never manage a job or relationship or to leave home, yet that wory is more severe than most poelpe with NT kids (or at least more likely anyway). Its a scale thing and its good to be aware of where you sit within that scale.

it's not just about kids either- there's threads you get saying Dh is half an hour late home AIBU unreasonable to be annoyed? My first response- that if Dh is that late when he's ill I am supposed to call the police to watch for his car because of- well his mental health and all that. But just because that's MY reality, doesn't change someone elses's feelings from being valid. IYSWIM.

Ah agree there vacua, but it does take a while to get there. My aunt used to upset me when she would ring going on about nothing (and I did lose my temper with her once, when she was going on about the fine details of my cousin's schooling - who lead the most prileged lives in anyones terms). These days I'm more at peace with the idea that ds1 won't talk, and will require lifetime care and I'm much better at raising my eyes the laughing about her once I've got her off the phone. But for a long time in the early days it really stung, and was painful to listen to.

I don't see what the problem is, tbh. The OP just said "I wish I only had this to worry about". She didn't say "silly woman, she should count her blessings", and she didn't say "she has no right to post something so trivial". She just said she wished her life was like that.

Maybe I'm reading it differently, but I can't understand how anyone would want to blame or attack her for that wish?

I know where you are coming from (and I don't even belong on SN). Years ago my dd had just had open heart surgery and had a whacking great big scar across her chest, and another mum was worrying that her dd's chicken pox would leave scars. It was all I could do to try to remind myself that for this mum it must seem like a very valid worry

I have a dd with a rare genetic syndrome and have had worries ranging from heart failure to will she learn to write the letter K anytime soon.
I have 2 ds's both NT and have far more worries about them sometimes than dd...

that there are the inevitable kicking off posts. I hadn't realised how quiet SN had become when it was tickable awayable easily.

If Misdee had posted saying that she wished her biggest worry with her DH was not picking up his underwear/having man flu everyone would have been all understanding.

This is the same.

There is no saying that the other OP has no right to worry, just that mm22bys got a bit thinky about wanting to have worries that seem smaller.

It is all relative, even in SN - I post worried about DD who may not even have SN, and I know it seems very little compared to some, but they are my worries and seem huge to me.

I would never begrudge any of you for reading them and thinking "I wish my worries were that simple"

That was a nice rambling pointless post wasn't it?

Yes, I was also aware when we were going through dd's heart stuff, that as heart conditions go hers was not that serious and easily fixable. Okay, we were terrified, but we knew we were lucky that she only had a hole in her heart, and others were probably looking at us wishing that that was all they had to worry about.

Each and everyone of us has had worries at some point in our lives that seem trivial to someone else. How would you feel if someone dismissed your worries?

Nab...read the thread? And the link to the subsequent apology?

But unfortunately, the very interesting discussion here is going to be bumping it beyond the point where people read the thread....

You could have a point there Blu

I remember many years ago I posted a similarly ill advised rant on a thread on here about finding it irritating when people moaned about their young kids who wouldn't stop talking. Anyway I had my arse royally kicked, and I remember being told it was a 'genuine problem' and I should be more empathetic. (thatic? spelling?)

Anyway fast forward 5 years and I have 2 young kids who won't shut up. And yes it is tiring, and irritating. But a real problem? no, really it isn't. AND when I do moan about them to my mum, or friend I do get told immediately 'well you'd be complaining if they weren't talking wouldn't you?'. And I take that on the chin iykwim.

Of course I worry about ds2 and ds3. I was scared stiff when ds3 had his very minor seizure for example. But ulitmately I expect them to be able to grow up and fend for themselves, and be able to make the choices they want to make. So I don't have the sadness I have when I think about ds1's future. And I don't have the same sense of urgency of feeling that I must try and force some sort of communication skills into them or he'll have a SW making decisions for him (god help him). And it's not painful to compare them to their peers. Which is still can be with ds1 tbh.

But apart from that I agree with r3dh3d, which was what I was trying to say (in a very roundabout way) earlier. It is essential to know that thinking those things doesn't make you a bad person.

Is it ewmpathic? Its the one word I can never spell in my head!! LOL.

Know exactly what you mean about the talking- because DS3 is that bit mroe able, I convince myself he's really NT and playing me until he spends time with his peers, then its like a hammer blow though. Because its so bloody obvious!

But I do worry a lot about ds2.... partly because of living with the ASD's in the family (well and DS3 who was a victim of a meltdown alst night and bearing scars this mornings ), but DS2 has noticeable staying still isues (compared to the rest of class) which i worry abouut even though I know its really just 6 year old boy syndrome, and then I worry i'm blanking out adhd becaue I cant deal with it, etc etc etc - I am a bit daft know.

The one time I didnt worry (when ds3 failed his first hearing tes- as did the toehrs) I got grief from my HV!

you cant win!

empathic clearly- no w

Just checked- it is empathhic

oh ffs peach woman

empathic

I went through a stage when I felt very uncomfortable posting about DS1 because he is so very high-functioning, and I felt certain that a lot of people would be reading my posts about him and thinking "Call those special needs? Blimey, Dinosaur doesn't know the half of it!".

Now I have much more autie, non-verbal DS3 I feel I can look the Special Needs posters in the eye again. It's a bit like how the Queen Mum felt about the East End after Buck House was bombed .