Help to organise Yr7 with ADHD

[NotDonna]

Here we are again on a Sunday evening and my DD suddenly remembers she’s homework due in tomorrow. We’ve been reminding her all weekend but still managed to forget.
When I remind her she gets grumpy & says She’ll do it in a bit...
what strategies do you use to help the remember then actually sit down and do it! I feel like all I do is nag. That makes her snappy and grumpy. But if I don’t, it doesn’t get done. Any ideas please?

Is she medicated? If so then do the homework once the meds have set in for the day and before they wear off.

Otherwise reinforcement for doing it, ie earing screen time etc? Maybe differential reinforcement when she is doing it. Such as I get my DS to do homework and whilst he does it provide him with hot chocolate and snacks.

It's bloody hard and I feel your pain. I've made it sound quite easy above and I know its not and this system works for us about 65% of the time the rest its tension, procrastination and arguments!!! Argh!

Instant rewards are what is needed. Things broken into smaller sections. Also often its just getting over the hump of making a start once DS has started he can be ok. Why doesn't she want to start? Does she not understand what she needs to do, does she have the tools to do what she needs to do, is it boring or too hard?

Thank you @CatherineCawood
Not yet begun meds - do they make a huge difference?
You ask what the issue is and it’s all of the above. I think she intends to do it ‘later’ / after she’s finished FT friend/ etc, etc. but then legitimately forgets. If she does remember, she’ll put it off as she’d rather do something else. She gets quite overwhelmed and shouty when she’s reminded so I back off thinking she is about to start. But she doesn’t. She’s like this with absolutely everything she’s asked to do. From homework reminders, to tidying room, to simply putting her plate in the dishwasher. Her first response is to be overwhelmed, physically ‘flap’, and loudly say ‘leave me alone’ over and over. She will put the plate in the dishwasher (aggressively) and stomp off. It’s hard to keep the house calm with these continuous outbursts. She’s clearly stressed and struggling. I was about to say she’s like this for every single request; but that’s not entirely true as there are times when she can be calmer. I need to make a note of those times and think why that may be! It’s hard work.

Could you timetable in specific times for doing homework? And sit down with DD to break each task down in to smaller sections, plan/outline each answer together. Maybe even scribing for her if part of the problem is having to get it down on paper at the same time as thinking.

When schools are more normal most have homework clubs which might help if part of the problem is the distinction between home and school.

If the work set is too difficult bring it to the teachers' attention.

Have you looked at PDA strategies?

Procrastination is a big thing in the lives of those with ADHD. Yes for us medication made a huge difference. A difference between managing to keep up with school work and not. No falling behind, which was happening more and more. Less impulsive behaviour and lots more benefits. However is is a BIG step and not to be taken lightly. DS was diagnosed at 8 years old but only started meds at 12 once we felt we had no choice.

Thank you @10brokengreenbottles and @CatherineCawood
I’d not heard of PDA strategies but they do make an awful lot of sense, so huge thanks for that suggestion. I employed one of the strategies today in dealing with a meltdown and it was amazingly successful. There’s a lot to learn!
We are due to discuss medications with the specialist on Monday. I’ve done a bit of research but is there anything you wish you’d asked or that I should be aware of? It seems very much about trial & error and then tweaking.

Yes trial and error, we've just added something extra into DS's meds as he is on a sustained release that lasts up to 13 hours. It takes a while to get going so paediatrician added in a quick release extra for the beginning of the day to help him out.

DS takes Elvanse, 60mg (that's lisdexamphetamine) and a 5mg instant release dexamphetamine.

He started on 30mg titrated to 50mg then up to 60mg.

DS has lost a lot of weight, he was a bit chunky as he was over eating. He is now what I would call skinny, about 5 foot 4 and 7 stone. I wouldn't want him to loose any more weight though so am trying to make sure he eats enough.

Med come downs can be bad though we haven't suffered that Elvanse doesn't seem to do this.

My ADHD boy is only Y4 and doesn't really have homework but we are in a good pattern of "doing jobs, then screen time" and he always asks what the jobs are, now he's got used to the idea. For him it's wash basket downstairs, whatever we're doing on a Cub badge, change sheets, put all books back on shelf, that sort of thing. "Tidy your room" is too big a task and if it's new he panics and has a rage. So the first time he did his bed it took 3 hours. Now it's 5 minutes.
If we are doing home learning (he's mainly in school) it all needs breaking down, same with his Cub badges. We're mending a bike tyre this weekend, 10 mins per day.