Possible Aspergers?

[Libmama]

My DS is coming up to 7 years old. I’ve had suspicions for a good 2/3 years now that something isn’t quite right with his behaviour. I’ll try not to drip feed but it was first brought to my attention when he started Reception. The teacher called me regularly about his behaviour, the fact he struggled with his anger (physically shaking/actual violence towards his peers/growling) mainly if someone tried to change the way the play was going or he didn’t want a certain person to play. As it got towards the end of reception he was split up from certain children who seemed to trigger it and going into year 1 he seemed much better. By Christmas of year 1 the teacher was calling me again to discuss his reluctance to play with anyone other than a certain couple of friends and he would push/bite/growl at anyone else who tried to join in. The senco was called in to watch him and she saw the behaviour first hand. She introduced a traffic light system where he had a red,yellow and green card and he was to put whichever one next to him while he was playing to earn other children how he felt about them joining in. This only happened for about a week before lockdown happened.

When he’s at home his behaviour is challenging. He punches me, screams, has the most epic temper tantrums that can easily rival his two year old brother and he takes a long time to calm down. Mainly if someone has said no to him. He struggles to play alone.

He’s not particularly academic and doesn’t have massive interests in anything specific like I’ve read about. He does have ticks though which we haven’t been able to pinpoint what starts them but he sniffs/hits himself/ scrunches his nose up/looks to the ceiling repeatedly usually just one at a time but they can last a few weeks before he stops.

He also gets anxiety which manifests as tummy ache regularly.

Does this sound like possible Aspergers? His father has aspergers and it can be genetic. I’m just at a loss as to how to handle his meltdowns and behaviour.

It could be. There is a genetic link as you say. Has the school not put him forward for assessments/EP? It would be worth exploring how to do that, as it sounds like he needs some kind of support whether he's autistic or not.

Have you seen Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" (or the more recent "Raising Human Beings")? I've enjoyed them and it can be a good framework for addressing problems jointly with your child, rather than trying to impose solutions (which can be difficult for children who are anxious). He also has a website and there are videos on line of interviews with him if you want to find out more about it before buying the book.

It might also be worth looking up the PDA Society and see if any of the advice there resonates? They have materials for schools too if any of it does.

Thank you so much. That’s very helpful, thanks for taking the time to reply.

Before a career change I was a special needs teacher. I spent about 12 years in special schools, mostly teaching ASD students. My 4 year old is mildly autistic. I guessed it by the time he was 18 months old. It is very unusual for ASD children to show aggression unless heavily provoked. Also, I would have thought the SENCO would have figured it out if he was on the continiuum. Before my son started school in September I told them that I was certain he was mildly autistic. The SENCO called me within two weeks to get my permission for an EP to observe him, to get an official diagnosis, so the school could access extra funding for him.