Nursery has concerns about 3.5 years old

[bambinaballerina]

I have a 3.5 years old boy and a 1 year old.

He goes to two different nurseries, one in the morning one in the afternoon. He has a language delay and we were referred to SALT, but it will take a long time to see someone. He has a wide vocab, but significant struggles in communicating and expressing himself.

Since starting nursery he has improved a lot, and has learnt a few phrases that he uses, and that he seems to understand (we were told he has echolalia). He generally doesn't answer questions, but is always very happy and smiley.

Now, one of the nurseries has identified some concerns, and we are worried. He doesn't play with other kids and only seems to interact with one adult in nursery. Knows all children's songs by memory, but doesn't chat. Is still in nappies and screams if we try to make him use the toilet (we've been trying for months, he just soils himself).

He doesn't use cutlery, even though he's strongly encouraged, and doesn't sit on the chair (has a meltdown, and throws himself on the floor).

Another issues is he only plays with animals, doesn't draw (again, we try to draw at home and he refuses to interact), very little fine motor skills. Very selective eater, and all strategies we and the nursery employ doesn't seem to have an effect on him.

We are also trying to move him to a sippy cup, as it was nearly impossible to make him stop drinking from a bottle. Nursery is working on that too.

The lady I spoke to was really nice and wanted to make sure we were happy with them observing him, and we'd talk about it after Christmas.

Should we be worried? Speak to the other nursery or GP?

@bambinaballerina Hi, my immediate thoughts are have the other nursery noticed anything. I think there needs to be communication between them. It may also be useful to take a list of their thoughts and any of your own concerns to your GP. He could then be referred to a Developmental Paediatrician.

I would definitely speak to the other nursery as Niffler says. Sounds like some of his issues could be sensory, so it's worth looking up sensory regulation, and maybe trying some sensory aids to see if they calm him down when he is distressed. Sensory (interoception) can also be a big issue for toileting. We started trying to toilet train DD way too young (in retrospect) and it led to all kinds of problems. I think she was only really ready at around 4 and with the benefit of hindsight we would just have waited.

There are some ideas on sensory stuff here:

(Kristie is an SLT so has videos on communication and social as well as sensory stuff). And here:

If you're worried about fine motor, have you tried using something that links his special interests with the skills you want him to have? E.g. if you got him some tiny coloured animals (e.g. animal beads) would he be interested in grouping them by colour or putting them in pots? Maybe he would like something like a felt picture that he could readjust if it doesn't go quite right first time? Or one of those "magic painting" books where you paint with water and the colours come out? DD was always a bit of a reluctant mark maker and looking back I think she didn't like that it didn't come out how she wanted it to look. DD also enjoyed mazes when her pen control wasn't good (you don't have to be so precise to "solve" the maze). She liked the Kumon mazes books.

Thank you! I'm really trying to talk to the other nursery, but they haven't scheduled a call back yet (no meeting in person due to restrictions).

I do wonder if he has some sensory issues, he doesn't seems bothered by a pooey nappy, and would happily sit in it for hours! The beads idea is good, we had a magic pen but he didn't really use it.

He's slowly chatching up in some areas, he now sometimes sits with us at the table, but has always behaved "younger". He's August born though, not sure if that affects it, the other kids in his class are all older.

He may be undersensitive (so not notice the sensations of a pooey nappy as much) or oversensitive (so really not like the process of having his nappy changed, or sitting on a loo seat). Anyway, definitely worth exploring some activities that might engage him a bit more on motor skills: should be hopefully fun for him, and with the side effect of allowing him to access a broader set of activities that may then become fun for him in the future!