What's going on with my 4 year old

[waterjungle]

My lovely boy

Can someone give me some pointers about what they think may be going on with my lovely boy. He is 4 and a half and just started school in September.
We’ve had a few conversations with the teacher as these points have come up. She has mentioned talking to the SenCo who picked him out in an observation. Nothing she is saying is unfamiliar to us but it would be good to hear if any other parents had experienced these kind of issues and what it turned out to be ...if anything.

He is loving, happy and other than all listed below nothing else seems out of the ordinary. The only other thing to note is that he has a bit of a turn in one eye and his vision in the eye is poor, he wears an eye patch for 2 hours a day. We also had difficulty toilet training him. He still struggles sometimes and isn’t totally reliable yet but hasn’t had any accidents in school.

These are the behaviours she raised. As I said none of them are unfamiliar to us and we recognise what she is describing. Most seem to involve understanding his own or others emotions.

He is in top 25% of class
Extremely imaginative
Gets very emotional and upset at times, so much so that he cannot calm himself down. He can’t even process someone who is trying to calm him as he is so upset. Says things like “I’m so SO sad, I can’t stop my tears coming”. It’s like he can’t hear what is being said to him
Shouts out a lot in class and will carry on until his questions are answered. Has been given counters to pay for questions but can get upset when they are spent. He shouts so loudly that other children are putting their hands over their ears.
Will happily talk to anyone, almost doesn’t have social boundaries, will approach other families and just start talking at them.
Gets very upset by cold or wind - “the wind is being naughty to me'
Also gets upset very easily by cartoons etc, even Peppa Pig, if any character is ill or cross or has an accident he cannot watch and runs out of room
Difficulty transitioning sometimes from one activity to another
Has difficulty when routine in changed e.g using sportshall in school for something else when it doesn’t have lunch tables set up in it
Will happily sit watching repeating patterns such as graphics set to music (dad is a digital artist)
Gets upset and scared by certain noises (not necessarily loud noises just ones he doesn’t like)
Can’t always understand reasons for things e.g ran into my mums ankles with bike, said sorry but still maintained “but she was in my way”
Extreme frustration that comes out as persecution e.g inanimate objects are being “naughty” or “mean to him if he can’t for example open a for or get his coat on.
Have just gone through a facial emotion chart with him and thought that was good guessing. He said I just read the words. They were words like FRUSTRATED, CONFUSED, EXCITED.

Today he tells me in class that there are two boys hitting him. When I went to the teaching assistant and asked him to tell her what happened he said it didn’t happen. When we stared walking home he said it had happened.
He says he gets a funny feeling in his tummy when he looks or thinks about school, like scared.

I think he is anxious but like I said I would really value hearing from anyone else whose child has shown similar traits and what happened.

Hi have things improved with your little boy? My son is 4 and when he started school the teachers said he was finding it difficult. He struggles with change, gets very upset and has melt downs if there's something he doesn't want to do. Along with not joining in and some other issues. The teachers are making adjustments and asked me to contact the health visitor. We are getting a referral to a paediatrician which may lead to an Autism diagnosis. we want to know either way so we can support our little boy

He sounds as if he’s sensitive in a sensory way, could be sensory processing disorder, could be ASD, could be a very sensitive, bright child.
See if you can get someone outside of school to assess or give support? We have two highly sensitive kids and are accessing our private medical to get support.

Thanks for your replies.
We have had a meeting with Sendco and Ed Psychiatrist along with teacher and teaching assistant. He is due to be observed by the Ed Psychiatrist mid May which is good. Other than that we are getting batted between CAHMS and Child Development Centre.
I am sure they are hinting at ADHD or ASD but no one will even give us the slightest tell as to what they are thinking.
He is still having meltdowns at school where he just shouts and can't be calmed down. He hit out for the first time at another his teacher and threw his bag at another pupil before half term.
The minute he does it he collapses on the floor saying "I'm so SO sorry - it's just SO hard" and cries his eyes out.
He had some explosions at hone that come out of nowhere where he bit his little brother finger, he also bites his own arm and clothes sometimes out of sheer frustration
The Easter holidays saw a return to some with holding and soiling and yesterday he pooped himself in school. He brushes it off by saying, it doesn't matter, it's just a little accident, which was what we used to say when we were trying the less pressured approach to him using the toilet.
He really is smart - I got questioned yesterday on what happened before the Big Bang - he is very affectionate and loves cuddles. I am so worried that I am missing something and not doing what is best for him.

Sounds a lot like my asc boy, 5.5, who now has 1 to 1 support at school to cope with peer interactions and sensory overload. It's been a long road to get here, he now has his ehcp with 121 funding, primarily argued for on safety grounds aw he cannot do safe behaviour without adult support when he is cross or overwhelmed. And things we might perceive as little things can set him off so he needs an adult who knows him well. He is very demand avoidant too so demands have to be phrased in a certain way. Try to make friends with the school senco to help you battle the LA and best of luck getting support at school for your DS. My DS is bright too, by the way, its a fallacy that autistic kids are all the same. My DS is amazing at maths and recalling facts, could tell the time at 4, but cannot read emotions unless people tell him how they are feeling and sees a lot of things as totally pointless (e.g. small talk).

We had a call with the teacher yesterday and they have put support in place. On a morning he goes with one teacher for an hour to learn English and writing and then in the afternoon for his maths which is helping. They also have a sensory room where he can go to calm down do your school have something like this? My advice would be to ask the school for support it does sound like he may be on the spectrum for ASD

I’m an Ed Psych and I was thinking ASD as I read your post. What stood out to me was sensory difficulties (sensitive to sound and wind against his skin), watching the repetitive patterns, struggling with change and routine, struggling with social boundaries. Sounds like he’s possibly hyperlexic too if he can read those words, which is another indicator. Does he ask you questions within conversations? Does he have any specific interests/ topics where he just seems to absorb info?

Emotional regulation can link to sensory needs - just as we can be over/under-responsive to certain textures or sounds, we can be over/under responsive to feelings in our body, such as feeling hot or cold, needing the toilet, being hungry, and feeling emotions. It’s called interoception.

Your little one sounds lovely and with the right support I’m sure he will thrive. There are lots of ways that we can adapt the environment to make school more ASD -friendly, and there are various different interventions which focus on emotional regulation. For now, I’d be looking for stories which talk about emotions, maybe look at sensory circuits, which are little activities/movements which help children manage sensory needs, also look at emotion coaching which is a helpful approach.