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SN children

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Original poster

I actually hate having an Autistic child

15 replies

Anon4538 · 01/12/2020 11:21

Yep, terrible Mum alert. Most of my ASD Mum friends have their challenges but say they wouldn’t have them any other way.

I hate it. I don’t think we can go on like this much longer. She desperately needs meds which is easier said than done. We have camhs and everyone involved, but I have been hit around the head, face and strangled this morning...because I can’t go to Sainsbury’s to do a big food shop...because I am at home with DD who isn’t at school.
She wants me to die. She was awake most of last night, even with Melatonin.

I can’t do this much longer. I’ve had my own bereavement to deal with, H is now out at work a lot. Dd hardly at school - we are pushing for specialist provision.

OP posts:

danni0509 · 01/12/2020 14:37

I can’t say I enjoy it to be honest.

It’s relentless looking after autistic children full time especially when you don’t have a lot of support behind you so I do understand your post.

Please cut yourself a bit of slack with the terrible mum alert though, I don’t think anyone on the sen board would think you were terrible as we all understand the situation you are in

I’m sorry to hear about your recent bereavement aswell, it never rains but pours! Bless you x

Why is your dd not at school full time? Is it school refusal or are school refusing to have her (illegally)?

danni0509 · 01/12/2020 14:41

What about asking for slow release melatonin instead?

Can you get your food shop delivered? I know asda / tesco / Sainsbury’s slots tend to go pretty fast but Iceland usually always have them, even just as a one off if your desperate for some shopping in.

Sorry you are struggling but I promise you are not alone x

danni0509 · 01/12/2020 14:45

Sorry I’m typing in short posts my battery is going to die and I can’t find my charger so don’t want to type a load and lose it.

Keep pushing for specialist provision, do let us know on the school issue though, if it’s dd refusing or if school are illegally excluding as people can advise you on how to get that sorted out depending on the reason behind it.

Allthenumbers · 01/12/2020 15:53

You’re not a terrible mum. I understand how you’re feeling

unmarkedbythat · 01/12/2020 15:56

You're not terrible. You're honest. It is really hard work and I am not sure I believe the majority of those who say they wouldn't change anything. I'd change ds1 in a heartbeat, for his sake and ours (not autistic but with similarly challenging presentation).

Fedupmum88 · 02/12/2020 19:46

Sending hugs it’s so hard 😩

nancyclancy123 · 03/12/2020 14:04

How old is your dd? I keep reading things at the moment that for once are very similar to what we’re experiencing.
We are really going through it with our dd, thankfully we are self isolating at the moment so haven’t had to deal with the school battle. We are also in the process of starting meds, haven’t been prescribed them yet, but it’s on the cards.
You are not a terrible mum, just a struggling one

SilverLiningSearching · 04/12/2020 20:21

I’ve had a particularly bad week with my ASD DS,Your honesty is refreshing. A lot of parents put a brave face on and make these ‘ wouldn’t have it any other way’

It is not just the ASD though is it? It’s all the crap that comes with it, the constant fighting for support/treatment/appropriate education.

I only get anything done for DS by being a total nuisance and shouting the loudest. But it’s all so bloody exhausting.

lollipoprainbow · 04/12/2020 20:30

Oh my goodness so glad I found this post! I'm having terrible problems with my 8 year dd and her suspected ASD. She is fine at school but has horrendous meltdowns at home and I'm getting so sad about it all. Tonight she screamed the house down while I was in the bath because she had cramp and nothing I said it did made her calm down. Not sure how much longer I can cope with it all to be honest.

Moirasrose · 04/12/2020 20:32

You have my sympathies. I hate it. I have two children with asd and I love them but life is so bloody hard all of the time. It’s utterly relentless. The smallest of things are massive battles. Education is a constant fight and I’m so so tired. I miss the person I used to be, I miss the opportunities I’ll now never have. I love my kids but I wouldn’t have them being autistic because life is so hard for them. Why would I want my kids to struggle?

Could you get a social assessment?

SilverLiningSearching · 05/12/2020 11:50

@lollipoprainbow my DS was like this when he was young, he used to mask his anxieties at school then explode when he got home, but when he reached 8 yrs he couldn’t mask anymore and the school eventually agreed he needed support. Could you go for a private diagnosis, I certainly wish I had done so earlier.

@Moirasrose you are right, I also grieve for my old self .My career has completely gone down the toilet, due to my constant exhaustion of caring for DS.

lollipoprainbow · 05/12/2020 15:54

@SilverLiningSearching yes we are going through the diagnosis process at the moment not privately though as I can't afford it !!

Blossom4538 · 26/12/2020 00:13

I have got to the stage where I have asked H to stay at his Mums with DD for a few days, for a break - but he won’t. Of course there are Covid Restrictions also, at present.

Dd is only sleeping around 2 hours a night currently, we’re all exhausted.

SilverLiningSearching · 26/12/2020 20:57

I feel like I’m down to my last nerve at the moment. DS was swearing at me and pushing me around last night. His control freaky is getting worse- he insists on having the heating on full , blinds closed all day! He refuses to go to his room, we have a tiny flat so I never have any space.

We had a social services assessment and were awarded respite care back in August. He has only had ONE tea time visit!!! The last time I took him to the respite centre he refused to get out the car and the SW just shrugged her shoulders- she only came outside to speak with him when I kicked off. She made a half arsed attempt at persuading him to go in, but it didn’t work of course.

It hurts as i have fought so hard for him this year ( won tribunal to get him into correct special school). Worryingly I am starting to believe he is going out of his way to upset me, he is 11 I don’t know what I’m going to do when he gets older. I think ultimately he will need to go to a residential school if things don’t approve.

I don’t know how I will cope if schools close again.

Bambinalina · 30/06/2022 18:38

@Anon4538 , my heart bleeds for you and for your DS. I really hope a year later to your post that the best solution was found and your DS is in a nice residential school or if with you, you and the rest of your family get regular restbite. I know I am late to this post and trail, but I feel I will be In your shoes in a few years.
My DS is only 1y old but he is so behind and will be a matter of time being diagnosed. Even as a baby he is already so frustrated and attacking other children at playgroups. I love him but he is so difficult to make happy to even get a smile out of him. I’m scared for the future, I have an older son who’s neurotypical and I just don’t know how I will cope when even at this age, dressing, changing, feeding is a battle.
Can I ask you what age you started to notice the difference in him? What were the signs in his baby, toddler age?
sending you a HUGE HUG.

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