Can you help me help my son, who's 12?

[asdhelp123]

Hello,

I have a son who is struggling with making friends/fitting in at his new secondary school. He's year 8 but obviously kids haven't been in school much since Sept 2019 so I'm factoring in the fact that things are still fairly early days.

When I look back, I realise that he has always for one reason or another been out of the friendship loop and I can only remember 1 birthday party he was invited to. He has had very few play dates and never had sleep overs, unlike my other two children.

He is now in a position where the 'not fitting in' is sliding into bullying territory and I really want to help him.

He also suffers from bouts of anxiety and dreads going to school (but so far, does go in).

I was talking to someone recently who mentioned Aspergers and I have spoken to a therapist in this area who says that at this point it sounds as though he has some traits. She would like to speak to him.

Where would you go from here? Does a diagnosis help? How? What if this is the wrong tree I'm barking up?

I haven't organised my thoughts very well on those questions at the end. I'm still swimming around in the sea with this! I'll try again:

Where would you go from here?
Should I get a formal diagnosis first or put him in front of a therapist first? (She would want it to be confidential and as such, I wouldn't be allowed to listen in to what she says to him which concerns me at such an impressionable age)
The diagnosis route sounds very medically and officially structured. So I'm not sure I want to go jumping in at this point. Does a diagnosis help? How?
What if this is the wrong tree I'm barking up?

Thank you in advance for any thoughts.

Talk to the school Senco and head of year about support and referral for a ASD assessment. And the GP for ASD assessment referral and a referral to CAMHS for anxiety.

It'll be a long slow process though to get a diagnosis on the NHS - usually there's an initial assessment with a paediatrician who then refers on to the psych team who do ASD assessment, so that other issues get picked up.

If the school don't sound like they can do much in the way of support groups, watching for and averting bullying etc, try the therapist as well, while waiting for CAMHS and the ASD team.

Thanks for the advice