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Suspected Asbergers (ASD) in 5 year old son

10 replies

AverageMuma · 13/11/2020 12:23

Hi,

Last week my sons teacher flaged him up as needing a special needs assesment. Now they have said it, i keep noticing things in his behavior and feel awful I haven't noticed, I just thought he was a bit of goof, not unlike his parents.
My husbands side of the family have asbergers and I strongly beleive that my son also has this.
There is a 2 year waiting list for an assesment on the NHS and even privately the earliest will be January 2021.
Are there any parents that have bought up asbergers children that can give me practicsl advice whuch could help my son in the short term?

Many thanks

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 13/11/2020 12:50

Lots of information and support here.

www.autism.org.uk/

As I understand it, Aspergers (not Asbergers) is not given as a diagnosis these days.

AverageMuma · 13/11/2020 13:10

Thanks, i'll have a good look at that. I have been trawling websites and am at a bit of an "information overload"point.

I guess i was hoping to hear from parents of children with ASD specifically high functionioning with some real practical experiance, like do I encourage extra curriculam activities to help his social skills or appreciate he needs down time.
When I see him struggling to speak to a friend or keep the conversation going, do i but in?, leave it?, try role playing situations at home?
I just dont want to do more damage than good.

OP posts:
LightTripper · 17/11/2020 11:23

My DD is autistic but does pretty well (likes school, has friends, is generally pretty happy in herself, etc) - she is 6. I do think it's a balancing act between giving plenty of down time but also giving opportunities to socialise. On social skills I think butting in too much can be damaging (maybe a little steer - but you want them to be able to manage without you).

There are a few books that DD quite enjoys. Firstly books about feelings (to help spur conversations about why people might behave in the ways they do, which can sometimes be boggling). For example, there are a few books by Molly Potter about feelings and friendships that are good (maybe a bit young but probably OK at 5). I think encouraging self-care is also important: teaching them to recognise in themselves that they are a bit different, and to learn when they need down time or if things are too crazy and they need a break. DD has a couple of books specifically on autism (like "All my stripes" by Shaina Rudolph & Danielle Royer and "Inside Aspergers Looking Out" by Kathy Hoppman). She doesn't talk about being autistic that often, but she does know that her brain works differently and she is more sensitive to some things, like loud noises, and does sometimes pick those books up.

DD has also started to enjoy a book called "Diary of a Social Detective" by Jeffrey Jessum, which we read together. It is about an autistic boy who helps other children in his class with social problems by analysing them. It's maybe a bit old for our kids but DD seems to enjoy it and likes the idea of being a detective.

Other than that, I think just encouraging their interests is important. In the long run I think they will find friends who are interested in the same things they are, so just encouraging those interests (and new ones as they crop up) should help them have plenty to talk about with new friends.

DD does do ballet which can be a bit of a challenge (particularly when we had to change classes recently as the old one was not really practical logistically with Covid and not wanting to get on public transport) - but she really enjoys it. I do feel it is somewhat good practice for being in different social environments too - though if I thought she was getting too tired or overwhelmed I would not push it - I see it as a "nice to have" but am always aware it may become "too much" at some point. She enjoys the actual dancing though, so she is motivated to do it for now.

Finally, I watch a lot of YouTube videos by autistic adults. Particularly Purple Ella, who is autistic herself but also a parent to three children, two of whom are also autistic, so she has some really good videos both on parenting but also the Autistic Experience.
www.youtube.com/user/purplemumify

Because you have it in your family, I suspect you are doing most of the things you need to be doing already. I now see a lot of autistic traits in myself, and I think it gives me a natural understanding of some of the things DD finds hard because I found them hard myself but got through it or found ways to do things that worked for me.

AverageMuma · 30/11/2020 01:08

LightTripper- thank you so much for your reply.

I completely agree about giving him opportunities to socialise, I ask him after school if he wants to go to the park, when he does he always seems to make a friend when he goes. It does seem to be younger children or other children which also appear to be on the spectrum. Its lovely that your DD enjoys ballet, i'd love to see my DS in a club once this virus goes away.

Like you say, i need to be mindful of the down time balance, especially as DS is at school all week. I can always tell when he has over done it as he chews and licks his hands more.

Its great to have some book recomendations, i'll get some Molly Potter books.

Thank you for the heads up on the you tube channel, i'll check it out.

So appreciative of the pointers, feel a bit "late to the party" with realising DS has autism, to me its just him.

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LightTripper · 30/11/2020 01:26

You're very welcome! I love to talk about this stuff (in case that hadn't come over Grin)

If you have time, Chris Packham's autobiography is also great, and the "Autistic Not Weird" website has advice on talking to kids about their autism (as well as lots of other interesting topics: Chris Bonnello, who runs it, is autistic and has also been a special needs teacher).

orinocosfavoritecake · 30/11/2020 10:28

This is a useful thread. Thank you. We’ve had some luck with two Usborne books ‘all about feelings’ and ‘all about friends’. Board games - especially cooperative ones like Hoot Owl Hoot, Max the Cat, Outfoxed and Mermaid Island help a lot with turn-taking and staying calm when things go wrong. If your kid likes spinning then the Ikea Lomsk is a good buy too - and chewy necklaces and toys seem to help kids who like chewing things. Your DS sounds lovely by the way, and like he’ll grow up to have a funny, quirky, creative personality with a group of friends to match.

AverageMuma · 30/11/2020 20:17

LightTripper- thank you so much for these recomendations, I for one am very grateful you like talking about "this stuff" 😊

Orinocosfavoritecake- Thank you so much for these recomendations, he loves being read to so the Usborne books will be helpful.
He is only just grasping turn taking(I think his school have helped him with this) so Hoot owl Hoot will be a good Christmas present, as long as he is in the right mood and he wins im sure he will enjoy it 😂.
He absolutely loves spinning, he just never tires from it, i'll give that chair a look.
Thank you so much for your reassuring kind words about my DS, im such a worry wart.

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AverageMuma · 30/11/2020 20:24

Orinocosfavoritecake- I just had a closer look at the Hoot owl Hoot game and realised there isnt a winner, its everyone against the game, this is perfect, my DS cant stand losing.

OP posts:
LightTripper · 30/11/2020 22:24

I will have to look at that too. The only game I knew like that before is Pandemic and that's a little bit grown up (and possibly scary in the current circumstances Grin).

orinocosfavoritecake · 01/12/2020 10:11

Yes, coop board games are brilliant, but pandemic might be a bit much.

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