Advice/Experiences required

[FirstladyKirkman]

Hi, Not sure whether this would be the best place to post this, but will give it ago.......(was originally in Behaviour & Development) ..... I’m after a bit of help regarding my BF’s DS5. I’m hoping you guys might be able to offer some advice/personal experiences.

BF is really starting to struggle with his behaviour. He has always been your “typical boy”. Always on the go, 100mph all the time, some might say boisterous. However, he has become extremely vocal (comments) and has started lasing out and being physical. Kicking, punching, saying very nasty, hurtful things. Comments that if made in classroom would raise cause for concern (they have NEVER in anyway shape or form been physically violent towards him). Prior to lockdown we spent an immense amount of time together, so have personally witnessed his behaviour/attitude…its sometimes like a switch.

A year or so ago he was diagnosed with glue ear. His consultant was actually quite surprised that he could actually hear anything at all as it was quite bad. He had the adenoids and grommets op, and his behaviour did improve. We were all of the opinion that perhaps he was struggling to hear, which might explain it, frustration……?
There has been a marked decline in his behaviour over the last few months. BF and her DH have been in contact with the school on numerous occasions in the past to discuss his behaviour and they always say the same “We don’t have any issues with him”. Over the last couple of months though, they have actually noticed a change in him in class. The other day he literally threw himself out the classroom door and his teacher said “He has been a bit ‘fizzy’ this afternoon”. His teacher witnessed him being physical towards BF at pick up time and his teacher pulled him up and told him to apologise to his Mum (sarky Sorry response was given) On another occasion they mentioned that sometimes they stand behind him and apply gentle pressure to his shoulders and it tends to calm him down, and on his teacher/parent consultation they advised that they would be purchasing a wiggle cushion for him. BF did some googling and she found a lot of information regarding ADHD/Autism in relation to them, but the school have never mentioned anything along these lines.

BF, and her DH are at the end of their tether, and just don’t know where to turn to next. Should they get in contact with their GP, arrange a formal meeting with the school, both?

Is there something deeper going on, or is he just being “a boy”?

FWIW I don’t think its lockdown related. BF is a keyworker so he was going to school throughout lockdown, so didn’t lose his routine in anyway.

He can genuinely be the most lovely, affectionate and caring little guy. It’s a complete Jekyll and Hyde situation. Its breaking my BF’s heart as she feels (she totally isn’t) that she failing him and that she’s an awful Mum, hate seeing her so upset.

Any help/advice would be gratefully received 
TIA

I have three boys. None of them behave anything like this.

It isn’t helpful labelling his behaviour as ‘like a boy’.

Sounds as though he might need some additional help. There are some good books out there which might be helpful. The Explosive Child is supposed to have some good advice.

Also ... are you sure he isn’t witnessing DV in the home?

@galoopnorth

Apologies, no offence was meant at all. Certainly no DV involved.

And thankyou for the book tip. Much appreciated 😊

The Explosive Child book and Dr. Greene's website Lives in the Balance are both good resources. www.livesinthebalance.org/

but the school have never mentioned anything along these lines

Schools are not able to diagnose these conditions and most parents do not want to hear that their child may have certain conditions. Mostly the child's behaviour and/or academic standards need to be off the scale before school raise anything with parents.

Ask your friend to keep a detailed diary of her son's different behaviour for at least a fortnight, ask the teacher to note anything he does as well during that time if she can, then ask for a meeting with the school SENCO to have an overview of both sets of notes and see if there are any causes for concern. Some schools are better than others, some are very pro-active and can put interventions into place, some only see a child as "fine" when you know yourself they are not.

Depending on how the meeting with SENCO goes, if your friend wants to pursue an assessment, the next step is to take notes of the different behaviours to the GP and ask them to refer for an assessment, whilst mentioning if school are on board or not. Some kids 'mask' in school i.e. behave well but are under great stress because they are overwhelmed and when they get out of the building, or on their way home, or at home they feel safe enough to let go of all that stored-up frustration that has built up all day because their parents provide a safe space for them to do that. Then sometimes all the day's tensions can't be kept in and the mask slips at school and only then do school notice anything.

sometimes they stand behind him and apply gentle pressure to his shoulders and it tends to calm him down, and on his teacher/parent consultation they advised that they would be purchasing a wiggle cushion for him
Ask your friend to look through this booklet and see if anything in it rings any bells. If so, mention it to SENCO and the GP
www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf?

Thankyou ever so much @BlankTimes. Really appreciate the time for such a detailed response 😊