What to say to my mother when she says that...

[emkana]

... "once you see the specialist then you'll find out what can be done about ds's dwarfism"

The rub is that while dh and I fully accept that nothing can be done, that indeed nothing needs to be done other than dealing with possible associated health problems, my mother seems to be convinced that some doctor will come along and tell us how to "fix" ds.

I guess there's nothing I can do other than to keep explaining it to her, but it does get to me sometimes...

I don't have any experience of this, I watched the 'smallest people' programme last night.

Just wanted to voice my support really and say that you sound very level-headed, well-adjusted whatever the correct and inoffensive term is with your son's condition and that some people (ie grandma) cannot accept there's something different about their grandchild.

I think you have to keep doing what you're doing and keep explaining it to her til hopefully one day soon she understands and accepts.

Good luck and best wishes to you all

/thud. I would settle for just saying whenever she brings the topic up, "I don't want to discuss this any further". Family may mean well but just don't think before they speak.

On a related note, I'm being harassed by my mother to have another baby as DS "may have severe learning difficulties, so that I "know the joy of having a normal child" [hmmm].

My mum keeps saying the same about dd's cerebral palsy. 3 years of telling her that brain damage can't be fixed and still it hasn't sunk in.
She sends me leaflets on highly expensive therapies too that promise 'miracles' if you prt with lots of cash.
Its annoying but I ignore it. Acceptance of a disability or difference often takes longer in the Grandparents I think. My in-laws have dealt with dd's CP by telling me to get her adopted and have a 'proper' baby. Ahem

Emkana, is she clumsily and uneccesarily trying to 'cheer you up' by suggesting that the consultant can 'fix' him? Or is she in denial, or having difficulty accepting that your lovely DS may not be 'standard issue'?

She doesn't sound very sensitive / tactful - i remember your posts about what she said when she saw a photo - be calm and blunt and factual? Or learn the mantra for everyone with an irrational famly member "wateroffaducksbackwateroffaducksback...."

Am gobsmacked by TotalChaos' and NeedMoreCoffee's experiences of grandparental love and concern

Perhaps it depends on your relationship with your mother.

I'm starting to accept that whilst me and my Dad used to be very close, if I want to be a good parent to DS I have to relegate my Dad to just being someone I'm polite to, plus I try avoid mentioning the things that anger him (even thought they're a big part of our lives right now), just to keep the peace. I am missing the Dad I used to have, but he's forced me to choose.

Dad deliberately forgets that DS has a visual impairment and gets angry about any mention of it or me letting DS wear his glasses when he's there, or using auditory cues with him. He seems to believe that I'm milking it for sympathy, and he can't stand the thought that his grandson is not 'perfect' as he believes lots of crap about eugenics and healthy genes. I know that if I bring DS up to deny that he has a sensory impairment I'll just be holding hinm back and giving him the message that it's something to be ashamed of.

We've just been to a family party with a lot of my Dad's family we don't see often and he was furious with me for explaining DS's VI to the people who asked about it. I was careful not to mention it, other than to those who asked, becasue of the situation and trying to avoid antagonising my Dad. He actually left the party without saying goodbye to me as he was so angry that I wouldn't pretend it wasn't there or lie to them all (as he had obviously done).

If your Mum (like my Dad) is old, set in her views and unlikely to be able to change her mind about anything, you may just have to try to ignore her behaviour. If there's a chance she could understand, is there any literature you could give her? or could you take her with you to see the specialist? (I did that with my Mum and it worked). It might be worth a row, especially if you don't normally argue as maybe a jolt will make her think again.