Realy need some advice on ASD DS and school

[TheHouseElf]

This last week has been pretty awful for DS, 12, who has had a number of difficulties at school.

He's been wearing a mask since returning to school in September - something that has not been easy for him to do at all. However this week he was reprimanded by a teacher as he didn't have his on - he tells me it was (admits maybe not perfectly) but his school insist that he wasn't. However, the real issue was how this teacher dealt with him, or rather that he shouted at him, which then left him crying for the next 30 minutes in his lesson.

I had been in contact with school about this, and a couple of other issues, and was really concerned (and let them know that I suspected he was heading for a meltdown situation. Yesterday in a PE lesson he was sanctioned for not following the rules of some ball game properly, which escalated and resulted in him throwing himself down to the ground, on his back, which obviously injured him. He didn't go into school today as he was still in some pain. Then this morning he received an additional higher sanction for when he was lying on the ground, unable to get up as he was in pain, by the teacher.

He cannot tell me why he threw himself down like that, why he did it, or what he was thinking. Now school are worried he might do something like this again in future, have insinuated that this was some kind of act of "self harm" and that he now poses a potential danger/threat to future lessons.

I'm getting one version of events from DS and another from school, and I don't know what's what any more.

Has anyone else had any experience of their ASD child doing anything similar? Any advice please?

I've now received an email from school going over our conversation today, which has copied in their safeguarding team - is that usual practice?

Again the email is inferring that by DS throwing himself down on the ground, that this was an act of self-harm. He has never done anything like this before. DS says he didn't do it to hurt himself, doesn't know why he did it, and didn't even think about the possibility of him hurting himself.

Hi there I'm sorry no-one else has replied. We have had an experience similar to how you describe. You need a school that understands ASD and puts the right things in place for him. Try and go back over the incident again with your son and be a detective to see what the triggers were, sensory, social or otherwise - sometimes it can help to draw a picture with him. Read up loads about what triggers meltdowns e.g. on the National Autistic Society website (and possibly join a local ASD parenting group - it really helps). Does your school have a SENCO? I think you need to speak to them. Disciplining ASD children in exactly the same way as other children does not work and can be counterproductive. Good luck.

Thanks for the reply @Bromley4ever. School has a SENCO team - although they've been virtually invisible since the lockdown in March, and they haven't been in touch with me about this incident, or how DS has been since returning to school again in September. They assure me they, all his teachers/TAs are fully trained/informed about autism - however their behaviour does not reflect this.

Following day I took DS to the minor injuries clinic as his Head of Year was suggesting that DS hadn't injured himself that badly, and could have got up off the floor if he had wanted to (basically saying he was mucking about and had been wasting everyone's time). Doctor assessed him and said he had minor whiplash. Informed school but they didn't reply or acknowledge my email.

DS just back at school this week after nearly 2 weeks off due to staffing shortages caused by Covid isolating teaching staff, and today there was an incident with a TA who shouted at him. He had tried to get out of her way, in a crowded corridor full of students queuing to get into their classrooms, and he accidentally pushed into other classmates in the queue trying to move, so she shouted at him (a number of times) and he ended up calling her a "big bully" and cried for the next 10 minutes. So, I am expecting some sanction email about that tomorrow as school will see it as him being rude, disrespectful - although apparently she later said she was sorry to him. He tells me (as does my DD who is in Year 11) that all the teachers do is shout at them. One if his strategies on his SENCO sheet is to not shout as this makes DS more anxious, and time after time it happens - from his subject teachers and others around the school.

It feels like there's a different tone from school this year - not sure if that's down to Covid stress, whether its because DS is trying to re-adjust to the school environment after such a huge break from it, or whether its school having higher expectations from his year group (being year 8 now). Has anyone else had similar?

For me and his Dad is just feels relentlessly stressful at the moment, and pretty much wait for the next "incident".

The school sounds horrible. Does your son have an ehcp? If he had I would definite look at calling a review so you can formally address these issues with the local authority/maybe look at changing setting.

Agree with @Fedupmum88, you need to keep track of incidents and what the school say when you raise them & if he's not being properly supported speak to the SEN service at the local authority and get advice to see what can be done, and if you could change schools. Yes, schools are pulled in a million and one different directions at the moment, even good ones, but if it's a question of attitude and not resources, which this sounds, moving may be best if it is feasible. But because moving schools is tough for ASD kids you need really sound advice on what to do and whether another school would be better.