Went to parents evening. I'm numb. Need advice please.

[jojo38]

Hi all

Im in a dilemma. ds 9 was diagnosed with dyspraxia 18mths ago. School have been great but now lost their senco a year ago. My ds was lucky enough to have her as his teacher. She was fantastic.
He is in yr6 and has had lots of problems socialising. He seems to get on ok with most kids but one joined the school last year he has had so many problems with. This other lad has problems of his own and has been excluded from other schools because of his behaviour. ds was picked on by this lad last year. School and I have been intouch about it and all went quiet until Sept this year. Ds tells me that this lad has slapped him, called him names, pushed him over etc.. and last week ds came home in tears and a very swollen foot. ds tells me that this lad deliberately kicked him.
I am furious at this and write a formal letter of complaint to the school.
The headmistress called me to arrange meeting. We had that today.
She tells me that this lad has constant minding by an adult so this sort of thing could not have happened. She is concerned that ds is making up stories to gain attention and that it is a cry for help.
She says there are no records of any incidences bx the two of them since last year. I am naturally concerned because ds can be a pain in the proverbial but he surely isn't making up malicious stories to get someone into trouble???
She says that we should contact his child psych and she will be intouch with CAHMS... child metal health thingy.

The weekend just gone has involved ss moaning to his dad that ds is having a go at him. ds swears to me that he didn't do what he is accused of doing. I am at a loss... ???

I am worried that ds will now be labelled a liar and will get blamed for things that go wrong here and at school! Dh is fairly and naturally protective of ss.

I don't know how to handle this. Any advice?

sorry, ds is 10. Just goes to show how muddled this had made me.

Don't know what to say to help but just off the top of my head, "no records of incidences" doesn't prove that nothing happened. If the other child is a bully then they tend to be very devious. Sorry not much help just feel for you.

jojo38 I don't know what to say, but just wanted to send you sympathy. I have a five-year old DS with special needs, like you we had parents' evening last night and it did not exactly turn out as I had expected. It does sound sensible to contact his child psych for a chat about things.

Best wishes,

Dinosaur

When ds came home with a swollen foot did he have an accident report for you to fill in? What is the Head's explanation for the injury? If she didn't have one then I would say that's proof enough that she really doesn't know everything that goes on in the school. Besides, as we all know, just because a child is SUPPOSED to have constant supervision at breaks it doesn't mean that they actually HAVE this.

When I was 10 we had a new girl in our class. It was difficult for her because practically everyone else had known each other from nursery (not me though!). She was a real bully and made things miserable for myself and friends, especially at playtimes - nothing physical though, just taunts and suchlike.
So I did what I always had been told to do and informed my class teacher.
Not long after this girl got caught stealing a quilling set (of all things) from the school. She was off school for a couple of days (this was a really big deal!) and whilst she was away the teacher sat us down in the reading corner and explained that we all had to be really nice to her when she came back. She then said she didn't want anyone telling untrue tales on her and then said my name! Very upsetting.
I think that there were problems at home which the teachers were aware of. They subsequently prioritised her needs. I think they were so concerned with doing the right thing by her that they took an unbalanced stance over it.
I was so mortified to be singled out (I was quite shy and quiet) that I didn't mention it to my parents for years. When I did they were furious and wished they had known at the time.
Can't think how this can help you but it may go some way to explain why the teachers are being unfair to your ds - it's not right at all though.

Coppertop, I spoke to the headmistress and she said that she asked ds if he wanted it recorded in the accident book, she said that he wasn't too bothered. I have been told by the head that he went to a teacher and told her that he had hurt his toe playing footie. She put an ice pack on it and that was that. HE told me different. When I questioned him later that day, I mentioned that this boy has a constant minder and that this adult should have seen what happened. He told me that he had told her and she said that she would have a word with him. Then he went to the teacher. I don't know what to think.

Thanks cupcake, poor you tho, having to keep all that to yourself all those years. It isn't fair. Thing is, I am not sure where ds fits in - or not if you get my meaning. Head told me it was a cry for help. I am in two minds but reluctant to make a meal out of it for his sake. I have contacted child psych that he sees occasionally, she's on holiday but will call when she gets back.

Thanks all for your support. I just do not know what to think and I hate doubting myself and my feelings about my own son.