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SN children

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Original poster

Just need a shoulder....

20 replies

EmmaJW1976 · 10/10/2007 19:28

My little lad who is 8 was born without a left hand.

He is so confident, out-going etc and he deals with things brilliantly.

However, tonight he went to one of his many 'out of school' activities and there were some new kids there. One of the older girls said to the new kids 'look at his hand, it's disgusting'.

I know this bothered him, even though he won't admit it, because he told me about it. Normally he doesn't tell me and I hear about it from others! Another child was laughing and another just kept asking him over and over again what had happened (I have already told this child a million times what happened!).

I felt so angry that an older child would say that his hand is disgusting. I just told my son that nothing about him is disgusting and that he is beautiful and he just said 'oh I'm not worried, she's a bad person'.

But he shouldn't have to put up with this all the time, it must be so hard.

Just needed to talk.....

OP posts:

Mummyof2boys · 10/10/2007 19:42

thats awful, it makes me want to cry - some people are soo cruel and dont think how there words can really effect people. poor love, he must feel awful. if you need to chat im on msn, [email protected] x

bullet123 · 10/10/2007 19:45

What a nasty minded young madam .

coppertop · 10/10/2007 22:18

That's awful, Emma. Some people can be so bl**dy cruel and ignorant.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 10/10/2007 22:42

What a nasty comment. Some ppl should really learn to keep their mouths shut if they have nothing constructive to add. Your son sounds mature for his age if he can keep his cool when faced with such people. Well done to you for raising him to be so confident about himself.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/10/2007 07:29

Oh I so detest anything like this happening, your son though must tell the adults in charge at the time. Did he say anything to an adult at the activity club?.

Am glad your son was not unduly upset by these people making stupid remarks. Such things can be said out of fear and ignorance but that's no justification at all for such thoughtless comment.

I would speak to the people in charge of this out of school activity club. This behaviour of theirs should have been dealt with by the staff strongly and at least their behaviour should now be closely monitored. If they can say such things seemingly without reprimand then this could happen again.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 11/10/2007 08:47

That's a good point, Attila. The adults in charge should also be made aware about this as it may be happening to other children too.

Original poster

EmmaJW1976 · 11/10/2007 12:20

Thank you everybody. He said that he didn't tell anyone and the adult in charge didn't hear the girl say it was disgusting but she did tell another little boy to stop keep asking him about it.

I will ask her to an eye on things when I take him next week.

I have explained to him that he doesn't have to put up with this and no-one should be allowed to talk to him like that and he should ALWAYS tell an adult in charge at the time.

Thanks for reading everyone x

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Troutpout · 11/10/2007 12:35

I would have a word with the person who runs the club like Atila says.What sort of club is it? Could they do something like a circle time type thing and talk about differences and behaviour towards each other?

Blu · 11/10/2007 14:49

Emma -I'm so sorry. I feel sick in my core to think of someone saying that to your little boy, and you must be so, so proud of him to say what he said about her.

I do think you need to tell the person who runs the group. Is it a school activity, or independent of school? Whatever it is i am sure they will have (or should have) a policy about equality / bullying etc etc - and if it was a sesion i was running i would want to know so that I could ensure that every child had a good quality experience and was treated with repsect. Which is fundemental to constructive running of groups!

TotalChaos · 11/10/2007 14:53

Sorry to hear that you and your DS were upset. Hope that the adults in charge put this little madam right.

Original poster

EmmaJW1976 · 11/10/2007 16:44

Thanks again.

It is a drama academy. No-one from his school goes so it when he started it was a case of him having to answer everyones questions again (which I'm sure he finds tedious), but he has been going for over a year now....

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jellyhead · 11/10/2007 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deepbreath · 11/10/2007 17:14

Sorry to hear that your ds had contact with such a rude, ignorant girl. My dd has had similar happen to her lately, so I know how you must feel too

At that age, I think they're old enough to know exactly what they're saying... I hope that the group leaders have a word with her, and that your ds will continue to enjoy his drama group.

Blu · 12/10/2007 17:09

A drama class???

Good grief.

They, of all people, should be able to instill empathy, good team work and support amongst their group.

Tell the leader.

I would treat this really seriously if it were my group.

Emma, what part of the country are you in?

Original poster

EmmaJW1976 · 12/10/2007 20:03

Thanks everyone, I am feeling a little better about things now - I will definitely have a word with the lady in charge next time he goes.

Blu - I'm in West Midlands. TBH it's a load of lovely kids that go there and he has always felt happy there so I am sad this has happened. I only started sending him there to try and build up his confidence. And it has worked really, he is happy to on stage and sing/dance/act and not try to hide or hand or anything so everything was good there until now. Hopefully it was a one off.

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Blu · 14/10/2007 22:45

Since I first posted on your thread, Emma, I witnessed a much more minor incident than your DS experienced, with DS. he wears a very big shoe raise, and as we were leaving his school playground, i saw another boy repeatedly kicking hard at DS's shoe, saying 'does that hurt? Does that?' in a very aggressive way. He is a boy who has previously gone on and on asking DS questions about it in the park - in a drawing attention way, not the genuinine innocent curiosity way.

I have resolved that if there is one more incident I am going to speak to the boys mother about it and ask her to explain difference and respect to her son. However, i am also coaching DS to be very assertive and tell him that it is ok to tell people to leave him be and stop doing things.

moondog · 14/10/2007 22:48

How awful Emma.
But blimey,how noble and gracious and wise beyong hi years your little chap sounds.
This kind of 'rise above it' behaviour generally makes the perpetrators of thoughtlessly stupid acts feel very small.

Original poster

EmmaJW1976 · 15/10/2007 13:41

Thanks moondog, he is so grown up in some ways but in other ways he is still so young and vulnerable, it breaks my heart to see people treating him so nastily, he would never say anything hurtful to anyone!

Blu - that is so sad about your DS too. Some children are so spiteful. I accept that kids are going to ask but going on and on and on about it just isn't called for. I usually find that a just a 'stare' shuts them up for a while!

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Blu · 16/10/2007 10:21

WEll, I'm going to start giving DS the persepctive that your lad has - the 'it's them that has the problem' perspective. he sounds very self-confident - wonderful.

I just asked about the drama group and what area you are in as i have lots of involvement with youth drama groups and could recommend some in London., But I'm pleased he's very happy and getting along well.

Original poster

EmmaJW1976 · 16/10/2007 21:09

Blu - It's Helen O'Grady drama academy, think they are worldwide.

He is very confident, and I have worked so hard to get him here and it makes me angry when people try to knock his confidence

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