13 year old suspected ASD

[Kaylasmum49]

Hi my 13 year old dd is being assessed for autism, we were at the point of the specialist nurse having a meeting with my ds when we went into lockdown.

I'm not sure that he is autistic but maybe I just don't want to believe it. 3 years ago we had an informal meeting meeting with a speech and language therapist who said that my dd shoes some signs of autism but presents more like a girl. Because of issues with attending primary school, specifically in the last 2 years of primary the school referred him to CAMHS. He would point blank refuse to go into school and would be screaming and shouting while clinging to me, the teachers had to pull him from me. He has always had major issues with leaving me to go to nursery/school. Now he is in his second year in high school and has not completed one whole day. He tried a mainstream class last year but he was highly anxious and refused to go back the next day. The only way he would go into school was if I went in with him. We would meet the support teacher and go into an empty classroom and do some work for half an hour. If he saw other children he would panic and try to hide.

So now since the schools have gone back in August he has been in school once with me by his side. The school have been very supportive and we are doing some work at home and trying to work something out to get him into school.

He has no friends as he says he doesn't know how to talk to people, he has sensory issues with loud noise, crowds etc. He chews on his clothing, earphones, bottle tops, he has done this for years. He has trouble sleeping, doesn't like certain foods touching, ets obsessive about certain subjects and talks excessively about them, butts into other people's conversations, has to be reminded to brush his teeth, hair, wash his face, struggles a little with laces, and I still cut up some of his food as he struggles with it and gets massively stressed if he tries, he finds it hard to make decisions and if I push for one he will start to hyperventilate and won't respond to me at all.

Even with all of that a part of me thinks he isn't autistic. Does anyone have any views or can relate to any of this?

Even with all of that a part of me thinks he isn't autistic
I'm interested to know what else you think may be causing your son's differences. Is it just the term autism you are concerned about? Perhaps if you read up about autism you'd see what it actually is, rather than your idea of what it is, IYSWIM?

I've attached an infographic about autism which shows the main areas autistic people may have challenges to varying degrees, that may give you an idea about why autism has been suggested as a cause of your son's difficulties.

Your son needs a multi-disciplinary assessment to determine the cause of the behaviours he displays which are distinctly different to his peers i.e. he needs a medical diagnosis, then interventions need to be put into place to support him.

His school sound like one in a million to have already given him so much support. Have they suggested an EHCP for him, if not, talk it over with them and start applying now, they can give you a lot of evidence of his needs already whilst you are going through the diagnostic process.

One more thing you may not be aware of, kids with AN can often be emotionally very immature when compared to their age-peers. A rough guide is that emotionally they are at about two thirds of their chronological age, so in terms of him coping with things on an emotional level, it may help to consider him as aged around 9.

If you look up Chewellery and Chewigems, you may find something he'd prefer to chew rather than the things he's choosing to satisfy that sensory need. This booklet explains sensory processing, hope it's useful for you.
www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf?

Your son sounds very similar to my daughter but my daughter has less sensory issues. My daughter just turned 13 and was diagnosed ASD last week.

Your school sound very supportive. Last night I had to write a lengthy email to ours explaining that I felt it was unfair to keep punishing my daughter for being disorganised when we now know there's a valid reason for it 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sorry OP I can see a lot of red flags for autism there.

the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

As others have said, you seem to have a fabulous school who are doing all they can to meet your son's needs.

of course you don't see autism, you just see your son. I get that. But understanding autism will really help you to understand and help your son. There are many brilliant and successful autistics out there - Jack Monroe, Anthony Hopkins, Greta Thunberg off the top of my head. Your son is still your son, the diagnosis is not going to change him, but it might help you to understand him better. x