ADHD child making things up

[Lindy2]

I'm not sure how best to describe it really but does anyone elses ADHD (and probable ASD) child make up outrageous statements?

I've just had yet another awkward telephone conversation where DD12's school have rung to discuss how upset she is about her missing brother. Something apparently she has shared in confidence with someone at the school. She does not have a brother. She has a sister who is definitely not missing.

This is actually just another in a series of untrue facts she has come out with over the last few years which have caused great alarm to the people she confides in and distress to us as a family.

Some of the statements she makes have resulted in a really serious situation for us as parents and have even resulted in social services phoning to give us a grilling about something that never actually happened. I'm still not sure they actually believe us and I fully expect our file has a "crap parents" stamp on it.

We feel like we are living on eggshells though as to what her next fantasy statement will be that we have to try and explain isn't actually true. At least in this case the missing non existent brother can be dismissed beyond any doubt as made up.

I'm planning to talk to CAMHs about this at our next appointment. I don't think they'll actually be much help but at least we can get it recorded as something she does. She generally either denies having said it or says she "panic talked and rubbish came out my mouth" to explain it.

I'm just wondering if this is an ADHD trait or not.

I think it is. My exDP is something of a fantasist. He makes up all kinds of stuff. Some for practical/financial benefit, some to big himself up but some which weirdly doesn't seem to have any motive as such. To my dismay DD (diagnosed with ADHD) does the same thing, for no particular reason it seems a lot of the time, almost as if she's saying it because she just fancies that alternative version of reality. I was talking about exDP to someone who also has a child with ADHD and she threw me when she said the lying/fantasist thing happens often with ADHD.

Thanks. Yes, that's exactly it - it's like some kind of fantasy role play or idea that crosses her mind at that moment. Some of it might be linked to something she watched on tv or something she's heard about someone else but it can also be completely random.

She also wants to please people so if someone asks if something like do you have any problems, she'll make up a problem or two because she thinks that's what they want to hear. I expect someone asked if she was worried about anything today and she invented a missing brother so she could give them a good answer.

It's not an easy thing to explain to people or to deal with.

Yes, often if it ties something up neatly. Eg there are horses in a field. Her schoolfriend has horses. So that turns into, there are so-and-so's horses. And DD is on the cusp of ASD diagnosis too. She is 10.

Ds (6) has autism, he has adhd too.

He told his 1-1 at school he had 2 cats and for months (unbeknown to me) he had spoken about them every day at school, told them their names etc she mentioned it one day how much he loves his cats, I was like woahhh we have never had a cat 🤣

He told his teacher it was his birthday, this was July. His birthday is January. He’d gone as far to say he had a chocolate birthday cake later that day after his tea etc she said I didn’t know it was his birthday today, I was like erm neither did I!

It’s hard to know with ds what’s going on in his little head because he can’t separate his imagination from reality (I’ve read this is common with autism) so sometimes such as the birthday cake thing I think he says things he would like to happen? Not 100% but it’s something I’ve thought of.

Then there is also the saying things that could get people into trouble, I don’t like this bit so I’m with you on that! He said the lady in the pound shop had knocked him on the floor and hurt his arm, he told me this on the way out of Poundworld, when he’d held my hand the whole way around, no one had touched him! He was adamant she’d pushed him over 😳

He said a boy at school bit his face really hard and ds apparently had blood everywhere. No mark on his face & definitely no blood etc!

He told me he went on the train on his own one night I was like ds asif, he was arguing with me until he was blue in the face he described what happened, where he went, he’d gone in a white taxi etc!

I’m not sure he even knows his dreams are dreams, I think he thinks they actually happened if you get me.

He doesn’t do it deliberately I don’t think, because he is very delayed due to his autism and he doesn’t get the concept of lieing or understand you can purposely lie and get someone into trouble.

Kids are hard to work out sometimes aren’t they!

My ds has asd and does this occasionally. He didn't tell his TA when our cat died, as he didn't want to make her sad. It was only months later when we got a new cat and his TA asked how it was getting on with old one we realised. Apparently, the ta asked him quite often about the old cat and he never mentioned that the cat had died! Often he just gives the answer he thinks the person wants. Path of least resistance....