Can Kids with PDA be bribed?

[RedCheese]

I suspect that my almost 5 year old is on the ASD. He scripts a lot, doesn't communicate naturally and has issues regulating his emotions when he can't have something. He also doesn't have friends. We are currently trying to get somewhere with an assessment which is proving to be a long process. I'm wondering if he could also have PDA? He won't do anything unless it's on his terms even getting him to do simple things like brushing his teeth or come with me is hard work every day. On the other hand, if he asked for the TV and I said, no problem... first put your toys away, then take your shoes off and sit down on the sofa, he would jump at it. Same with the iPad. If I have the iPad in my hands, he's the most obedient kid in the world. He's severely independent. Doesn't ask for anything, he climbs everything or finds a way to get it himself. He's affectionate and always smiling. Can kids with PDA be effectively bribed? I know the methods that work for a child with PDA is different to a child with ASD so I'm afraid of using the wrong methods. Timeouts, stickers and rewards don't work.

Anyone out there with experience in Autism with Pathological Demand Avoidance?

Not an expert but from my professional experience and remembering what the medic letters said, it's rare for PDA to be diagnosed in children in the UK. Or, at least, it was 4 years ago when I last worked in that area. Everything tended to be put under the umbrella of ASC.

But from what I remember of the couple of kids who did have that dx, the focus was on motivating them to want to comply with reasonable demands through rewards, so I would imagine they can be bribed like any child.

My DD11 also has to see a motivation to do anything. If she can't see a purpose to it, she wont do it. She's awaiting assessment for autism.

Not always.

it depends if the refusal to do something is down to "can't see the point" then yes, bribery can work to a certain extent. E.g. I got ds1 to say good morning to the head teacher rather than growling at her by bribery of a chocolate bar when he had done it ten times.

If, however, the refusal is down to anxiety then it can make matters worse because then they still have the stress of being asked to do something they find frightening plus the added disappointment of missing out on the treat when they fail to do so. So, for example, no bribe would get me to do a parachute jump.

Bathsh3ba - what you said "My DD11 also has to see a motivation to do anything. If she can't see a purpose to it, she wont do it." This is how my son is, and his teacher said the same thing, that he needs a purpose to do anything and it's really hard work. How can you bribe a child to brush his teeth or get dressed for school. At the moment we are trying to turn everything into a game as taking his hand and trying to lead him to the bathroom results in him pulling his hand away, running to his room and lying across the door. The fact that he's turned up to school every day, on time, this week is a miracle on its own, even though I do get him up in the morning 2 hrs prior to leaving for this reason.

@RedCheese Hi, have you heard of the PDA Society? They have loads of brilliant resources online and a helpline. 😊

This is fairly standard ASD behvaiour IME.

The trick is to find out what REALLY motivates them and use it to your advantage. For my DS, he doesn't care about sweets, or stickers or toys - all he wants more than anything in the world is tablet time. So we use that to our advantage, and he earns tablet time by doing the things we need him to do first. It also helps to have a timetable of things he needs to complete before screen time so it's very clear what we expect of him. And keep to the same timetable every day as much as possible. Even then it is not a walk in the park - there is much keeping him on task and chiving him along.

With DD she generally wants to be "good" so is easier when it comes to basic routine home stuff. The exception (and it is a pretty massive one) is anything outside the home -school, clubs, day trips etc - she suddenly becomes a massive refuser of even basic requests, and there absolutely nothing you can bribe her with. But that because her refusal is anxiety driven and anxiety can't be overridden by a reward.

Sorry, I posted my previous message here by mistake and have asked MNHQ to remove it.

My DS has PDA and can be ‘bribed’ - however there is no official PDA diagnosis. PDA is a really extreme, marked avoidance of seemingly small demands, all the time.

My DS can be bribed but it is much better on his terms, and only done in a certain way. I can’t usually just say, you need to do X, Y, and Z and then 1 hour of iPad. It’s more putting the iPad following something I really want him to do, but pretending it’s his idea that one follows the other. So he decides it’s OK to do the first thing. But all kids are different.

For me, the PDA lobby and society are very useful because they give so many practical ideas, and can be waved in front of teachers and the like to say - ordinary ways do not generally work! So if I were you, don’t worry whether your child is strictly PDA or not. What works for your child? What makes their life and yours harmonious? if many of the PDA things do, do that, if bribery works, do that too.

Thanks for your comments. Maybe this is more ASD behavior, mixed in with normal childhood defiance rather than specifically PDA. Tablet time and certain favourite foods do work a treat in bribing my son to do everyday tasks including school work (in short bursts) but my worry with this is, how does this work in school? I can't see his teacher bribing him to get him to cooperate. At the moment, he spends most of his time sitting in the corner of the classroom playing toys or doing jigsaws on his own. The only comment from the teacher so far (he's only been there a few weeks) is that he's happy and contented even if he doesn't participate in anything or talk to anyone. They tried the visual schedule and it didn't do a thing.

DD can be sort of bribed for things that she might consider doing anyway, but NO WAY IN HELL can she be bribed for something she doesn't want to do OR for something she DOES want to do but has got so anxious about it's paralysing. IME bribery is not a good way to get things done. Logic works, talking through different options works but mostly with PDA it's all about going with the child's motivations. All other paths lead to wailing and gnashing of teeth for everyone.